Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?

[Anonymous]

OP, my son has been the best curveball I was ever thrown. His birth challenged everything I thought I knew about raising a kid (spoiler: I knew zip). I felt like I knew how to arm a girl against the world, but a boy was so foreign to my own experience. I have learned a lot. Just one example: I am doing my damndest to respectfully raise a person who understands feminism and how it benefits everyone, and how a lot of the BS we heap on people based on their gender is harmful to everyone. I kind of thought I knew how to touch on this subject with a girl, but I really had to think about this with a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son has been the best curveball I was ever thrown. His birth challenged everything I thought I knew about raising a kid (spoiler: I knew zip). I felt like I knew how to arm a girl against the world, but a boy was so foreign to my own experience. I have learned a lot. Just one example: I am doing my damndest to respectfully raise a person who understands feminism and how it benefits everyone, and how a lot of the BS we heap on people based on their gender is harmful to everyone. I kind of thought I knew how to touch on this subject with a girl, but I really had to think about this with a boy.

BTW, he's now in high school, loves what he loves, is happy with who he is, and word on the street is that he is a nice person who treats people respectfully.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys and I freakin love it! Boys are very very fun! My house is filled with noise and laughter. Their toys are super cool, there is little drama and lots of kisses. Can't imagine having a princess tea party at this point.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys. 19/21/23. I hear you. I wondered myself what I would be missing by having only boys. And I must be honest. You miss some things. But I decided long ago, (my mom told me) "You do boys well". So I decided I would "Do Boys Well". And that meant embracing the grief over not having a girl and moving forward (sometimes I still grieve). I love my boys. The key for me was from birth to develop a relationship with them. Respect, kindness, empathy. They are truly my friends, truly. My son's wife, is now my daughter. He said to me yesterday "You always wanted a daughter, now you have one!" I said "Yes I do and she is precious!" that made him so very happy. I know it is hard, but like you said - children are a blessing. And you can create the bond that you have with your son. He does not have to be like his uncles. Blessings on you mom - you are going to do boys well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious if anyone anymore is ever disappointed they are having a girl, because they so wanted a boy. I literally never hear this, only mourning over having a boy. It's really interesting to me.

Don't worry. Millions of Indian, Korean and Chinese mothers feel this way. I don't know if any speak up on dcum about it though.

I know of at least three people IRL who admitted they were sad to be having girls (Disney Ate My Daughter; drama; mean girl stuff; expensive clothes. cyberbullying; easting disorders; sexual assault). It definitely goes both ways. And obviously, everyone winds up loving their kids regardless of sex or gender!

Almost none of the issues you listed are exclusive to girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 boys. 19/21/23. I hear you. I wondered myself what I would be missing by having only boys. And I must be honest. You miss some things. But I decided long ago, (my mom told me) "You do boys well". So I decided I would "Do Boys Well". And that meant embracing the grief over not having a girl and moving forward (sometimes I still grieve). I love my boys. The key for me was from birth to develop a relationship with them. Respect, kindness, empathy. They are truly my friends, truly. My son's wife, is now my daughter. He said to me yesterday "You always wanted a daughter, now you have one!" I said "Yes I do and she is precious!" that made him so very happy. I know it is hard, but like you said - children are a blessing. And you can create the bond that you have with your son. He does not have to be like his uncles. Blessings on you mom - you are going to do boys well!

I never wanted a daughter. My relationship with my mother was a disaster. Her relationship with her mother was a disaster. I only wanted boys and I only have boys. They are 13 and 11. I love having them. They are a ton of fun. I was surprised to find out how much I enjoy having their friends around, too. Boys don't get nearly enough credit for being kind and loving and good friends and thoughtful, as well as being loud and active. I know so many terrific, sweet boys.

The only thing that I was sorry to miss out on was the clothes shopping. Clothing for girls has so much variety and so much more cute stuff than clothes for boys.

I get what people are saying about sons becoming more involved with their wives' families. If that happen, I will suck it up and be okay with it. I have a really active retirement planned. I am going to make a concerted effort to be the best MIL ever, too. I want to make my DILs' easy so they don't run screaming when I ask if I can visit the grandkids or if they can visit me.

[Anonymous]

I loved having boys. Raising them was great.

They're grown and married now. One married a confident, self-assured woman whom I'm good friends with. The other, a super-sweet guy, married a deeply traumatized, needy woman. You can imagine how that's turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the early stages of this myself, so certainly no expert. But I've also spent a lot of time thinking about my mother-in-law who has clearly felt a lifelong disappointment because she had three boys. In her case, she's really into "feminine" hobbies like cooking and sewing, and she was disappointed that she couldn't share them with her sons. And maybe she couldn't in the 1970s.

My current plan--again, in the early stages, as my son is only 2.5--is just to create the relationship that I want to have, regardless of sex. We currently cook and bake together a ton because all toddlers like that (and boy toddlers don't yet know that "it's only for girls"). I was taught to knit by an ex-boyfriend who was his mother's only child, and she was an avid knitter. I am now an avid knitter myself, and I plan to offer it as a hobby if my son is so inclined. I obviously won't force any of these things, but it seems that kids like to be invited to share in whatever their parents enjoy. (I also enjoy volunteering, politics, church, bicycling, and other less-gendered things, which I will share with my son.) The same thing could be true of reading or celebrity gossip or spa trips or hiking or whatever passions you have that you would want to share with a daughter.

I wonder if one of the reasons that daughters end up closer with their moms than sons is because moms foster those relationships better with their daughters (out of familiarity, presumably). Moms of only sons don't have any choice--if we want those intimate bonds, we've got to create them with our sons!

(Also, to be clear: I have no idea if my approach will work. It's just what helps me think about my life as the mom of a boy.)

+1

I have 4.5 and 2 year old boy. They both came to the yarn shop with me a couple of days ago and the older got his first set of knitting needles. He is beyond thrilled! My husband has three sisters and he spent tons of time with his mom out in the garden, planting flowers and stuff. I think you can do so many more "un-gendered" things these days that for me, having a girl is no longer something I want.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a girl and got two boys. They're now 12 and 8 and I wouldn't want it any other way. God knew what he was doing when he gave me boys. I turned out to be a great boy mom, and I think I'd be having issues with a girl the same age as my eldest.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to be referred to as "daughter-free."

[Anonymous]

I think the wide variety of responses on this thread all point to the same answer: one size does not fit all and your relationship to your kid(s) will be unique to their personalities and yours. Your son could be gay and love shopping, or gay and hate shopping, or straight and love manicures and hate sports. He might care for you in your old age or not. He might stay close to you after marriage or not. Same with a daughter. No point in worrying about something you can't foresee and almost certainly can't change.

- MT one daughter and one son, equally loved in different ways

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you for all your replies. I know I will love my DC regardless, just wanted to know what it was like to not have a little girl. Glad to hear so many positive stories of close mother-son bonds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a girl and got two boys. They're now 12 and 8 and I wouldn't want it any other way. God knew what he was doing when he gave me boys. I turned out to be a great boy mom, and I think I'd be having issues with a girl the same age as my eldest.

This is the age gap in two boys I'm about to have - how's that been?

[Anonymous]

Op, I had to fake being happy when I found out I was having a boy. Now that he is here, I wouldn't want anything else because I love that little person regardless of his gender. Periodically I get a pang for a daughter since I'm so girly and would love to share my clothes, go on shopping and spa trips and psd down my family jewelry. Who knows maybe I will have a girl, or maybe my son will like those things or maybe a granddaughter. All I know is that if I could choose now between my little guy and an I know girl, I would pick him all day long!

[Anonymous]

I am a total girly girl and was always a mama's girl growing up and I definitely did have a preference for a girl when I got pregnant the first time. We waited til the baby was born to find out the sex and when he was born, I was just so excited and happy to meet him and so in love with him that I couldn't have cared less whether it was a boy or girl in that moment and that has not changed one bit since he was born. He has been so much fun. I could never love another person more and I have just enjoyed every minute of being a 'boy mom'

And now I am pregnant with a second baby and I am actually finding myself hoping the 2nd one is a boy too because I have so loved having a son and think it would be so fun to raise 2 brothers. Of course I'd still be thrilled if it's a girl and I'll be very happy either way as long as the baby is healthy but I have just thought it was interesting how my perspective shifted and I have realized how wonderful it really is and what a privilege it is to get to parent my son.

Good luck to you!