Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?

[Anonymous]

I have one of each and I will say that my relationship with each of them is totally different. My DS is 10 1/2 and every morning when I drive him to school we talk and it's such a spacial time. When he is worried or upset about something, he wants to talk to ME, not his dad. I can't explain the relationship, only that there is something so special about a mother/son relationship.

I absolutely adore my DD as well and we have a special relationship too, but it is different. Hard to explain. You will LOVE having a son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what it would be like to be a mother of a girl, so I don't fret too much about it. My son and I have very similar personalities, so we just get each other in a way that is so, so great. We can always make each other laugh and often I will know what he is going to say before he opens his mouth. He is close to DH, too, but in very different ways.

[b]Will we always be close (he is 10 now)? I don't know. Having a girl is no guarantee of a good relationship later, so I am just enjoying raising him. I have plenty of other relationships that meet my needs for shopping, happy hour and girl talk.

I think this is the key. Your son won't likely grow up to be your shopping, lunch, pedicure buddy, but hopefully you have great friends who will! FWIW, my dad (who has a sister) took care of all elder care arrangements for his parents. My own mom is extremely close to my brother. I have 3 boys and I'm much closer to one (we just get each other) but love all 3 of mine dearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of threads make me feel really sad. I know feelings are what they are, but all these notions (both by OP and PPs) suggest that boys and men are somehow lesser human beings than women. I'm not sure that it doesn't get subconsciously incorporated in how they are parented (I really hope that it doesn't). Whether or not your child is a boy or girl has NO bearing on their likelihood of caring for you in your old age, or being close with you generally. Seriously, it doesn't. These are all constructs, both social and personal based on your own life experiences, but they are not anything close to universal truths. Boys are just as valuable, just as precious, and have just as wonderful relationships with their parents as girls do.

Yes, boys are so terribly undervalued here and everywhere around the world.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was one of four girls and stupidly expected I would have a girl. I was majorly, embarrassingly disappointed it was a boy. Everyone said I wouldn't care after a while, and it's true. You generally love the child you made, you know?, even if it takes a little while to recalibrate pre-pregnancy and pre-birth feelings. We're six years in and I wouldn't trade either of my boys for any other child of any sex.

Now I'm just disappointed at the general suckfest that is the boys' clothing department. Small potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Uh, I never wanted a girl. Why do you assume everyone is disappointed to not have a girl?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys. I felt a little disappointed... but when I am around my similarly aged 3 nieces, I feel nothing but grateful for my 3 little sweeties. They are all unique, but boys are typically less catty, bossy, manipulative, etc. They are a little wilder and not as inclined to do long crafting sessions, but they are so sweet and snuggly and REALLY love me in a way no one else does. I have no sisters and am much closer to my grandma and aunt than I am to my mom... so there's hope elsewhere for that relationship I might have had with a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:relief

this

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks ladies. I know when the baby comes I likely won't care about any of this, or won't care as much. And I'm under no illusion that moms and daughters are always BFFs. My mom and I had a strained relationship through my teen and college years because we were so different; I'm much more like my Dad. Despite that, we did always enjoy the same activities- decorating the Christmas tree, shopping, etc that my brothers never gave two cents about. I know my mom was so thrilled to finally have a daughter because my two older brothers never cared about any of that stuff. As I became an adult, despite our differences, we grew really close. Then I lost her. In my personal experience, girls are closer to their moms and caregiving for parents falls on the girls, at least in my and DH's families. I wasn't trying to say boys are worthless at all. My DH is the sweetest, kindest person I know who is close to his mom but definitely not as close as his sisters are. And I know I'm much closer to my nieces then my nephews (despite trying to be close to my nephews)- my nephews just aren't interested in texting and staying in contact like my nieces are. One of my SILs had only boys and keenly felt the lack of a daughter for so many years, although she's very close to her boys. She finally got a girl dog that she could dress up LOL. I'm so glad to hear that most of you have great, unique relationships with your boys. It's just something I have to change my perspective on, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Boys are cheaper and no drama.

[Anonymous]

You are weird OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(PP here who said I find this all very sad - full disclosure, I have two boys and don't plan on having any more children, and came from a family of four girls. I can assure you that girls are not always better, nor are their relationships with their mothers.)

+1 I have a horrible relationship with my mom. I just had a daughter and am so scared of having a bad relationship with her. Will do everything I can not to repeat the cycle.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys and dealt with this recently. I always wanted to raise a girl and was sad when I found out that last baby would not be one, because I had to deal with the reality that I would not have a daughter ( DH and I had agreed on 3). I already knew boys were wonderful, and #3 is. I can't imagine him any different now that he's here (just a few weeks old). I've had fleeting moments of feeling sad that I probably won't have a daughter (having another has crossed my mind, but actually more because I'm reminded at how wonderful it is to have a baby in the house, not because of the girl thing), but having boy(s) is pretty fantastic.

I read on here in one of the many "gender disappointment" threads to raise your sons to look for in a partner the type of daughter you'd want to have. It struck a chord for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are weird OP

OP's sentiments are clearly not uncommon. These "ugh, a boy!" threads are really common, and with each of my boy pregnancies, when I told people the sex I got actual disappointed looks and comments from friends and family. I don't get it at all, think it's really uncool, but somehow totally culturally accepted now to think boys are a total disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the early stages of this myself, so certainly no expert. But I've also spent a lot of time thinking about my mother-in-law who has clearly felt a lifelong disappointment because she had three boys. In her case, she's really into "feminine" hobbies like cooking and sewing, and she was disappointed that she couldn't share them with her sons. And maybe she couldn't in the 1970s.

My current plan--again, in the early stages, as my son is only 2.5--is just to create the relationship that I want to have, regardless of sex. We currently cook and bake together a ton because all toddlers like that (and boy toddlers don't yet know that "it's only for girls"). I was taught to knit by an ex-boyfriend who was his mother's only child, and she was an avid knitter. I am now an avid knitter myself, and I plan to offer it as a hobby if my son is so inclined. I obviously won't force any of these things, but it seems that kids like to be invited to share in whatever their parents enjoy. (I also enjoy volunteering, politics, church, bicycling, and other less-gendered things, which I will share with my son.) The same thing could be true of reading or celebrity gossip or spa trips or hiking or whatever passions you have that you would want to share with a daughter.

I wonder if one of the reasons that daughters end up closer with their moms than sons is because moms foster those relationships better with their daughters (out of familiarity, presumably). Moms of only sons don't have any choice--if we want those intimate bonds, we've got to create them with our sons!

I love this post! I am also AMA and currently pregnant with our one and done baby. I have struggled with the fact that I won't have a little girl to play princess with or have a dollhouse or tea parties. The further I get in this pregnancy tho I realize what I do have is a chance to have a meaningful relationship with my child. And I have an amazing sweet and wonderful husband who will teach his son to be the same! Someday hopefully my son can be the Prince Charming for some nice girl that my husband has been for me!

(Also, to be clear: I have no idea if my approach will work. It's just what helps me think about my life as the mom of a boy.)

[Anonymous]

These weird posts bubble up from time to time. Try to get over it.