Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
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Anonymous
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Mom of three boys here. I confess I wants at least one boy, and was indifferent on the rest. After having two boys, I hoped the third as a boy. I think they will do more with you than you think. My sports playing, all boy 11-year-old gets pedicures with me. Who doesn't like having their feet rubbed? He also loves cooking, and we shop together for his clothes.
I think you'll find that boys really love their mons. That's why momma jokes hit hard. They just have this bond with their moms. I was closer with my dad growing up, and don't speak with my mom more than once a month. My brother sees her every week. People just develop different relationships. |
Anonymous
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Ugh. Don't have a child because you need a friend to go shopping with or decorate the Christmas tree with. Be the parent that your child needs you to be instead of trying to make your child into some version of you that fills your own needs. People would go ballistic if a dad posted on here about how he was so disappointed that he was having a girl because she would never share his interest in baseball or video games or fishing. Why is it okay to be disappointed that a boy (who hasn't even been BORN yet for OP) will never fill the role that a daughter could?
Find a friend to shop with. Go on a spa weekend with a bunch of girlfriends. Throw an open house if you want to decorate the tree. Let your child be the person they need to be, and learn to grow into their interests. |
Anonymous
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My mom died, too, and I only have brothers and uncles. I thought I had no preference as to the sex of my child, but I surprised myself by being sad when the ultrasound showed that I would be having a son. I mourned for a week or so. Now my son is two and if I had another child (I'm not going to), I think I would want it to be a boy! We definitely have shared interests, even at this young age (nature, swimming, baking - and his dad likes to bake, too). I think it is actually good for me to have a son instead of a daughter. If I had a daughter, I might be trying to recreate my lost mother-daughter relationship instead of letting the parent-child relationship develop naturally.
It's OK to be sad. But I don't think you'll always be sad about it. I get wistful occasionally, but I am not sad. I love my son! Have you read Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers by Hope Edelman? Those books were helpful for me. |
Anonymous
No she isn't. I think for women it is easier to imagine the mother/daughter relationship because you have been part of one. Harder to understand the mother/son one until you experience it. But the mother/son relationship can be a wonderful one. |
Anonymous
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Uh, I never wanted a girl. Why do you assume everyone is disappointed to not have a girl?
[Report Post] Did you even read the OP at all? You might not have wanted a girl but, the OP did. So, why did you offer such unhelpful advice? Op, I am one of three. My sister left our family ( father died when I was 18) about six or seven years ago. Still don't know the reasons but, she has no contact with our elderly Mother. It is up to me and my brother who is very caring and very loving to care for her. Also, when you have a child you get what you get and don't get upset. I am a woman and I played sports and to this day never wear make-up or get a pedicure. So, just because you had a girl doesn't mean she will be "girly". You boy might like "girl" things or not. Either way, you will love the kid you have and embrace all the challenges and joy that he brings. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
| Congrats OP! I have two waaaay older daughters. I thought I knew what a parent child bond was. Until I had my son. I can't begin to tell you the difference, but I feel so much more loved by and closer to my little guy (now 5 years old) than I ever did with my daughters. |
Anonymous
The assumptions in this thread really need to stop. I have a boy and a girl, and guess who is my shopping, lunch, and pedicure buddy? My daughter hates all of that stuff, and I'm glad I never made the assumption that she would like it. Treat your kids like the individuals that they are. You might be surprised. |
Anonymous
| I wanted boys because I cannot stand my mother- seeing people gush "oh my mom is by BBBBBBBFFFFFFFFF FFFFF" makes me nauseated. I have two girls and our relationships are great but I don't assume nor pressure them into feeling like they have to be my replacement best friend- leave that for an adult to occupy and let your kids be a kid. Then when they are an adult you can decide, but this is to say, that it works out that way much less often than you may think. |
Anonymous
+1 to all of this |
Anonymous
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I have two boys, and there will be no more kids. I too lost my mom and had a wonderful relationship with her. In theory I would have loved a daughter to replicate that experience. But it's not what I got, and once you get to know your kid OP I don't think you will live with any regrets. My boys are just awesome: difficult, crazy, smelly, dirty, etc but also kind, thoughtful, big-hearted, interesting and so on. And while I'll never get to buy adorable little girl outfits, I also won't have to deal with the particular challenges of raising a teenage girl (something that I'm hugely relieve about now that my oldest is in the tween phase.)
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Anonymous
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I kind of wanted one of each, as i was one of boy-girl pair. My brother and I got along really well growing up and are still close. My mom died when I was 28 and he was 24 and newly married. I can tell you that from the moment the doctor told us she was dying, he was right there beside me. He even gave her the chemo medication and cleaned up the vomit so that I wouldn't have to deal with it (risk for women of child bearing age or something...I can't remember). He was and is the best brother. My mom was a single parent and since I was older, I taught my brother when he was in high school how to cook, wash clothes and take care of himself as my mom was often depressed and unable to do these things. He is now the best dad and a very equal partner to his wife. The relationship with my mom was a bit complicated as she wasn't a big fan of his wife, but that was on my mom, not so much on him
I say this to show you how wonderful sons can be. I'm the proud mom of two boys, most likely done having kids, and would be lying if I said there wasn't a tiny bit of sadness if not having a daughter to share some of those mother-daughter things, but little boys love their mamas. Hopefully you can cultivate a relationship that grows with your son and will stand the test of time. Also, don't hate his wife. That's pretty much a recipe for disaster. |
Anonymous
| My bond with my son is wonderful and deep--I wouldn't trade it for anything. Yours will be too, OP. |
Anonymous
| I love my boys. Never wanted girls. |
Anonymous
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Boys are so awesome. Nothing better than a little boy who holds your hand or gives you a huge hug with his tiny arms. I know more about trucks than I ever thought (I never thought) I would.
Boys can be rough, but they won't cry because they got their outfit dirty, there's no drama. |
Anonymous
| I mean it's all I know as a mom. I'm used to a lot of women in my family too, but you love what you have ,IMO! |