Clothing for school and kids with social issues

[Anonymous]

I think OP should take on the cause of why the neurotypical kids in my neighborhood walk to school in shorts and t-shirts on 40 degree mornings. A scolding post on General Parenting similar to this one calling out their parents is definitely in order. Why stop your Clothing Critique with special needs parents, OP? Your wisdom should be heard by all parents.

I think, OP, you also need to more generally blog about kids' clothing choices and how their parents should be shaping them. And there's the whole bikini/one piece debate that crops up so often on General Parenting about little girls, and high heels for girls, and make up and nail polish. You will want to jump on those, OP, and settle them once and for all. Of course, the yoga pants and capris controversy lies within your general sphere of influence, and I'd like your opinion on whether or not panty hose is appropriate in my office, and if so, is nude the best shade?

Your skills are wasted in education -- I really think fashion is your forte.

[Anonymous]

Neither one of my kids has special needs. In
They go to an independent school in NoVa. They both wear sweats and t-shirts (and now shorts) to school. So do all the other kids.
They love to be comfortable at school and I don't blame them.

[Anonymous]

So... my early ES Aspergers child chose a ridiculous outfit to wear to school today. I had to make him wear socks that matched. He thought it would be funny bc recently school did a wacky-dress day for school spirit. And, of course, my Aspie thinks that now he can just be wackily dressed any day he likes now. So... thanks to school for introducing that concept for a socially challenged child!

Anyway -- I made him wear matching socks. There were threats and tears. He ended by telling me "I'm having a really rough morning because of this!"

So... do we choose to let our child have autonomy over the things they can control or enforce a dress code that makes them unhappy? I guess in early ES he isn't making himself a target just yet -- not causing his own exclusion or victimization with his clothing choice just yet -- so... we're ok with a ridiculous outfit?

Just wanted to update all the educators out there. This can kinda be like the campaign against Indiana Gov Pence where women are emailing about their periods. We can give constant updates on our child's clothing and whether or not the choice is ok or not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... my early ES Aspergers child chose a ridiculous outfit to wear to school today. I had to make him wear socks that matched. He thought it would be funny bc recently school did a wacky-dress day for school spirit. And, of course, my Aspie thinks that now he can just be wackily dressed any day he likes now. So... thanks to school for introducing that concept for a socially challenged child!

Anyway -- I made him wear matching socks. There were threats and tears. He ended by telling me "I'm having a really rough morning because of this!"

So... do we choose to let our child have autonomy over the things they can control or enforce a dress code that makes them unhappy? I guess in early ES he isn't making himself a target just yet -- not causing his own exclusion or victimization with his clothing choice just yet -- so... we're ok with a ridiculous outfit?

Just wanted to update all the educators out there. This can kinda be like the campaign against Indiana Gov Pence where women are emailing about their periods. We can give constant updates on our child's clothing and whether or not the choice is ok or not!

I think you have to balance your child's choices and what might be a detrimental. I don't perceive any of this as an attack.

If a child wants to wear something, is hellbent on wearing it, and doesn't care about what comments they might get- then let them make that choice. If their social issues are preventing them from making good choices- then you have to decide if/when to intervene and at what cost.

Just don't expect that other kids won't notice these things and that your child will be completely shielded from the result. I hate unkindness and bullying- but I also don't expect that other children to behave like little adults at all times (they have their own growing to do) or a teacher to be available to intervene every interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... my early ES Aspergers child chose a ridiculous outfit to wear to school today. I had to make him wear socks that matched. He thought it would be funny bc recently school did a wacky-dress day for school spirit. And, of course, my Aspie thinks that now he can just be wackily dressed any day he likes now. So... thanks to school for introducing that concept for a socially challenged child!

Anyway -- I made him wear matching socks. There were threats and tears. He ended by telling me "I'm having a really rough morning because of this!"

So... do we choose to let our child have autonomy over the things they can control or enforce a dress code that makes them unhappy? I guess in early ES he isn't making himself a target just yet -- not causing his own exclusion or victimization with his clothing choice just yet -- so... we're ok with a ridiculous outfit?

Just wanted to update all the educators out there. This can kinda be like the campaign against Indiana Gov Pence where women are emailing about their periods. We can give constant updates on our child's clothing and whether or not the choice is ok or not!

I have posted earlier on this thread (the fourth grade recommendations).

If I could do it over again, I would start rotation of more current clothing early, by 4th, a little bit at a time.

Around 8-10 is when my younger kids started to get aware of what the other kids were wearing, such as asking for an Under Armour hoodie or those bright calf socks. I think this is a very typical age.

My oldest was completely unaware until midway through sixth, when he started getting bullied and tuen noticed no one else was wearing Star Ward Legos, Ninjago, Minecraft, etc.

By the time he noticed the othe kids had long passed him by and his change to more fashionable clothing (now at his request) was so drastic and obvious to the other kids. EVERYONE noticed and to him that was not a good thing. And he was now awared enough to be embarrassed by the new attention (not necessarily good attention) and to be embarrassed about what he had been working.

So my recommendation having gone through it, is to start slowly adding those more current clothing items, don't rush through wsshing to make sure tye favorite clothes sre clean and ready so they have to try the new clothes (since they are clean), and have the wadrobe tuat looks like what other kids are wearing already in place so that when they notice or finally have the desire to look like their peers they are already there.

If you wait for them to lead this perfectly normal and appropriate behavior, they will be behind and feel even more on the outside when they finally notice what the other kids look like.

My other kids did the naturally and on a typical timeline when the majority of kids reach that point. My oldest was about two years later and it ended up causing him pain when he finally realized he didn't fit in.

[Anonymous]

PP here.

One more thing, don't make a big deal of the new clothes you are sneaking in. I mentioned the laundry thing because that is the easy way.

"No, you can't wear the minecrsft shirt again today because I didn't have time for laundry. Put on this shirt...it is your favorite color blue and soft and I already washed it so it smells good." (Hand off the blue Under Armour shirt).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... my early ES Aspergers child chose a ridiculous outfit to wear to school today. I had to make him wear socks that matched. He thought it would be funny bc recently school did a wacky-dress day for school spirit. And, of course, my Aspie thinks that now he can just be wackily dressed any day he likes now. So... thanks to school for introducing that concept for a socially challenged child!

Anyway -- I made him wear matching socks. There were threats and tears. He ended by telling me "I'm having a really rough morning because of this!"

My ES kid who is NT wore mismatched socks just the other day because I had been traveling and didn't get to the laundry. The world did not end. He suggested doing this as I was frantically searching the house for a pair of matching socks. He then walked to the bus stop, pointed at his feet and laughed with the other kids and made it a cool thing instead of weird thing. I was actually proud of him as this child tends to be very social and usually doesn't like to be "different."

My DD who has ASD is the opposite and marches to her own beat. She ends up doing all these very original things including wearing clothes that may seem a little wacky and doesn't care what other people think. Personally, I think that's a nice way to be and hope some of this is rubbing of on DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So... my early ES Aspergers child chose a ridiculous outfit to wear to school today. I had to make him wear socks that matched. He thought it would be funny bc recently school did a wacky-dress day for school spirit. And, of course, my Aspie thinks that now he can just be wackily dressed any day he likes now. So... thanks to school for introducing that concept for a socially challenged child!

Anyway -- I made him wear matching socks. There were threats and tears. He ended by telling me "I'm having a really rough morning because of this!"

My ES kid who is NT wore mismatched socks just the other day because I had been traveling and didn't get to the laundry. The world did not end. He suggested doing this as I was frantically searching the house for a pair of matching socks. He then walked to the bus stop, pointed at his feet and laughed with the other kids and made it a cool thing instead of weird thing. I was actually proud of him as this child tends to be very social and usually doesn't like to be "different."

My DD who has ASD is the opposite and marches to her own beat. She ends up doing all these very original things including wearing clothes that may seem a little wacky and doesn't care what other people think. Personally, I think that's a nice way to be and hope some of this is rubbing of on DS.

My 7th grade NT, very social DS routinely wears mis-matched socks (the bright colored, mid-calf socks). Apparently it's the cool thing right now at his MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these kids might have parents who are socially awkward themselves. The parents might not have the best hygiene, or they might not have any idea what is cool, and they might not understand the social dynamics at play. Therefore, the kids have poor hygiene and uncool clothes.

Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these kids might have parents who are socially awkward themselves. The parents might not have the best hygiene, or they might not have any idea what is cool, and they might not understand the social dynamics at play. Therefore, the kids have poor hygiene and uncool clothes.

Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you?

Another pp here- I called that comment out too- what a crummy thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of school are you in that kids get teased for this? Are you in ES, MS or HS? In elementary so far students don't seem to care what anyone else wears and even the NT wealthy kids come to school in favorite clothes with holes in them.
Assuming this changes in MS-HS?

I am curious, too. My kids are in elementary and it surprises me that anyone notices.

m
My teen daughter notices and loudly berates us all for perceived fashion infractions or bad hair cuts concerning her special brother.
If you aren't sure you are doing things right have a teen girl go through your kids wardrobe and preferably take her on the clothing shopping trip...0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these kids might have parents who are socially awkward themselves. The parents might not have the best hygiene, or they might not have any idea what is cool, and they might not understand the social dynamics at play. Therefore, the kids have poor hygiene and uncool clothes.

Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you?

But that's not always untrue. I was raised by a clueless mother who dressed me funny (short ill fitting, ugly clothes) and I was teased a lot.
One of my friends had eccentric psychiatrists for parents and we were definitely fashion disaster buddies together at school. Total flood pants city (Jimmy - are you there?).

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with mild issues - and I have already realized I need to make him look extra nice so grownups will know he is well cared for and loved - it just opens a little more space for him. But he is amenable so it's not a battle. And this space won't open up with kids. They will tease him and pick on him and exclude him unless adults (OP?!) step in. If I dress him socially acceptable, then they won't pick on him because of his clothes but because of something else. You know this right OPt?!

[Anonymous]

My DS with ASD/ADHD is a fashion plate and always wears the coolest clothes not that he cares one whit about fashion He is popular with his peers and has never been bullied. Self confident - not just from his wardrobe but the clothes do help.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, PP. I think that is what a lot of commenters are not sensitive to. I also send my child to school as well-dressed as I can ( we do have some battles), but there will always be some excuse for teasing. The right outfit will not make teasing/ bullying go away because clothes are one manifestation of being " different" but it manifests in everything.

I'm still dumbfounded over the victim blaming of this thread. Poor clothing=teasing. Good clothing=safety. If this is how adults think, it's no wonder this is what we get from their kids.