Clothing for school and kids with social issues

[Anonymous]

I am a special ed teacher and have been so for a long time. I have worked with many wonderful kids and families. I do not understand, however, why so many students come to school dressed in clothes that do not fit or are in styles much too young for them. This does not help with the social isolation that their behaviors may cause. These are not families that don't have money to afford clothing. I see kids in pants that are way too short, or shirts with holes in them, or with stains all over them. I see older kids in sweatpants and older kids in Tshirts with kiddie cartoons on them. I know that some kids don't like the feeling of tight waistbands, but there are alternatives, and at least they can wear track pants, and not gray sweatpants. I am not including the severely disabled kids - I am talking about kids in general ed pull out programs or in classes that teach the gen ed curriculum who are with gen ed peers much of the time.

I know that kids have favorite clothes, and I know that many kids have sensory needs, and that parents can only fight so many battles at home.

I just feel that it would really benefit the kids if clothes that don't fit are removed from the house, and clothes that are stained or full of holes are discarded, even if it has to be when the child is not home.

The same goes with haircuts and bathing. If the kids can look a little more age-appropriate, they will be in for so much less teasing. I don't allow any teasing, and our school is really good about not putting up with it, but it would really help the kids if they weren't dressed so oddly.

I once had a student with HFA, and his mom drew him a Venn diagram and labeled one side with "Clothes that Tyler likes," and the other with "Clothes that other ten year olds like" and then showed him how they needed to find clothes in the overlapping part so that he would have more success socially in his mainstreaming classes.

As I read back over this, I am afraid it comes out as being unkind or as though I don't understand the struggles that parents of our kids face, and that is not true. I am so in awe of the parenting issues you face and how courageously you advocate for your students. I just want to offer a point of view from the school side, as I want them all to succeed as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

DW dresses DD very nicely, but it isn't easy. It's frustrating when you buy a nice new outfit and it gets ruined at breakfast on day 1. I don't blame parents who give up this battle, but DW is too stubborn to do that

[Anonymous]

What kind of school are you in that kids get teased for this? Are you in ES, MS or HS? In elementary so far students don't seem to care what anyone else wears and even the NT wealthy kids come to school in favorite clothes with holes in them.
Assuming this changes in MS-HS?

[Anonymous]

Are you a parent yourself, OP? Because there is only so much a parent can do, especially with a child who has some of the social delays/differences you reference. They just don't understand or care what others are doing/wearing. This is part and parcel of the disorder in a lot of cases. Or, at least, mine doesn't care what the world is doing. DC truly marches to another drummer... from another realm. LOL!

Oh, if only I could put an outfit on that kid and all the issues would suddenly disappear/be minimized... but I'm sure DC would stand out in other ways. Because it's ASD... and the verbal stims would set DC apart. The sensory induced anxiety attacks would set DC apart. The arm flapping would set DC apart. The prosody would set DC apart...

You see where I'm going with this. It's not the person with the disability who needs to change...

As far as hygiene is concerned, I would fight that battle as much as I can. Mine is only in ES and hasn't gotten to the stinky stage yet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of school are you in that kids get teased for this? Are you in ES, MS or HS? In elementary so far students don't seem to care what anyone else wears and even the NT wealthy kids come to school in favorite clothes with holes in them.
Assuming this changes in MS-HS?

I am curious, too. My kids are in elementary and it surprises me that anyone notices.

[Anonymous]

We have to fight epic battles over showering, hair washing, teeth brushing, nail clipping...there are only so many hills I can die on each day

[Anonymous]

Op , spoken like a true "observer". As if we've never considered how our kids looks will affect social acceptance.
Give me a break. The problem is I live with a seven yr old who destroys everything g. I'm on top of her all the time about it but it doesn't help much. I also spend $8k a month on the therapies,meds and Drs appts. There is no way I can afford to replace her barely stained clothes. And I happen to believe that ES age kids should get dirty.

And for the record, you do sound mean. Walker Percy called it the Nasty Nice. If you want to truly help how about sharing some of your techniques for keeping a kid with coordination problems clean while on the playground, or donating gallon of oxyclean, or taking all those fashion challenged sn kids and their parents shopping. Or come and attend to the kid who will scream for hours when they realize their parent has thrown out their favorite shirt. I'm serious. But please don't come on here and criticize us when we are already overwhelmed by a to do list miles long.

[Anonymous]

To-do list miles long.
Pants get ripped the week I buy them because he is so active.
Hair washing and brushing takes an hour, most of it screaming, and often followed by an hour of sobbing, so I can't bear to do it very often.
Won't wear jeans or anything with waist bands.
Too skinny to fit into normal clothes because never eats.

That's the start of the reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a special ed teacher and have been so for a long time. I have worked with many wonderful kids and families. I do not understand, however, why so many students come to school dressed in clothes that do not fit or are in styles much too young for them. This does not help with the social isolation that their behaviors may cause. These are not families that don't have money to afford clothing. I see kids in pants that are way too short, or shirts with holes in them, or with stains all over them. I see older kids in sweatpants and older kids in Tshirts with kiddie cartoons on them. I know that some kids don't like the feeling of tight waistbands, but there are alternatives, and at least they can wear track pants, and not gray sweatpants. I am not including the severely disabled kids - I am talking about kids in general ed pull out programs or in classes that teach the gen ed curriculum who are with gen ed peers much of the time.

I know that kids have favorite clothes, and I know that many kids have sensory needs, and that parents can only fight so many battles at home.

I just feel that it would really benefit the kids if clothes that don't fit are removed from the house, and clothes that are stained or full of holes are discarded, even if it has to be when the child is not home.

The same goes with haircuts and bathing. If the kids can look a little more age-appropriate, they will be in for so much less teasing. I don't allow any teasing, and our school is really good about not putting up with it, but it would really help the kids if they weren't dressed so oddly.

I once had a student with HFA, and his mom drew him a Venn diagram and labeled one side with "Clothes that Tyler likes," and the other with "Clothes that other ten year olds like" and then showed him how they needed to find clothes in the overlapping part so that he would have more success socially in his mainstreaming classes.

As I read back over this, I am afraid it comes out as being unkind or as though I don't understand the struggles that parents of our kids face, and that is not true. I am so in awe of the parenting issues you face and how courageously you advocate for your students. I just want to offer a point of view from the school side, as I want them all to succeed as much as possible.

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a PSA? Because it's a really odd choice to post this on a random board for kids with special needs. I mean, both as a former special ed teacher and a parent of a kid with special needs now, I think it's a really odd choice to do anything but keep this to yourself, but there are degrees of odd. I'm similarly disturbed that as a long time special educator, this is what you choose to focus on as a point in a child's success and that you demonstrate a clear lack of understanding of...well, so much.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a PSA? Because it's a really odd choice to post this on a random board for kids with special needs. I mean, both as a former special ed teacher and a parent of a kid with special needs now, I think it's a really odd choice to do anything but keep this to yourself, but there are degrees of odd. I'm similarly disturbed that as a long time special educator, this is what you choose to focus on as a point in a child's success and that you demonstrate a clear lack of understanding of...well, so much.

Agreed.

And I hate that I have to explain this, but if a SN child is being teased by peers because of his or her clothing then it is the peers who are failing to show appropriate social skills. Maybe if you want to do something helpful you could try to implement a sensitivity curriculum at your school.

[Anonymous]

Count me also amazed by this.

Do you think parents of SN kids are unaware of their kids' appearance and you are somehow cluing them in as if they had no knowledge? Doing them a favor?

You remind me of the women who feel it's beneficial to point out to others that they are overweight.

[Anonymous]

The OP is right. A few years ago, my middle school neighbor ran into this. She was much more developed than the other girls but wore pants that were to short and too tight, tees that were too small, etc. She appeared babyish and was a magnet for unwanted male attention because they thought she was naive.

Fortunately, the neighborhood girls really liked her and took her shopping with her mom's approval and it made all the difference in her appearance. She fit in with her peers and was no longer a target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The OP is right. A few years ago, my middle school neighbor ran into this. She was much more developed than the other girls but wore pants that were to short and too tight, tees that were too small, etc. She appeared babyish and was a magnet for unwanted male attention because they thought she was naive.

Fortunately, the neighborhood girls really liked her and took her shopping with her mom's approval and it made all the difference in her appearance. She fit in with her peers and was no longer a target.

+ 1 Fellow educator here. So some of you cannot fight this battle, and that is fine - but some of you who are reading this can fight it and need to be realistic. School is not Utopia for G-d's sale. (Neither is your place of work, the neighborhood pub, or even your Christian church!). Hygiene and appropriate appearance matter. It may be one more thing you have to care about in an already overwhelming situation, but yeah - it's one more thing you have to care about. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The OP is right. A few years ago, my middle school neighbor ran into this. She was much more developed than the other girls but wore pants that were to short and too tight, tees that were too small, etc. She appeared babyish and was a magnet for unwanted male attention because they thought she was naive.

Fortunately, the neighborhood girls really liked her and took her shopping with her mom's approval and it made all the difference in her appearance. She fit in with her peers and was no longer a target.

+ 1 Fellow educator here. So some of you cannot fight this battle, and that is fine - but some of you who are reading this can fight it and need to be realistic. School is not Utopia for G-d's sale. (Neither is your place of work, the neighborhood pub, or even your Christian church!). Hygiene and appropriate appearance matter. It may be one more thing you have to care about in an already overwhelming situation, but yeah - it's one more thing you have to care about. Sorry.

Don't you get it? You're preaching to the choir. Ridiculous to think we don't know that this matters or it could make s huge difference. It's not a question of being right. It's a question of what's possible.

[Anonymous]

Would it were only a matter of clothes. What about that don't you get? Some people are different and will be different no matter what. everything about some SN kids is different. It's your job to teach kids to be respectful of that while they are your charges during the day. And hopefully have some respect for the challenges these kids face yourselves. That is sorely and shockingly lacking in this discussion from you educators.

Or what should someone do about their wheelchair? Oh... Just leave that at home, you don't need it. Would that make you not blame a wheelchair bound person for being teased and viewed constantly as "other?"

The point is that you are picking out clothes as the one thing these people can do to better fit the mold, maybe not invite bullying upon themselves or be able to have friends. Trust me, as a SN parent, I try to get my child to fit in... It's just not something my spectrum child connects with. Not yet. Maybe one day... Until then, please stop blaming the victims here.