Clothing for school and kids with social issues

[Anonymous]

By the way, I have reported your post, and I hope others will do the same.

This forum is an opportunity for special needs families and persons who suspect their children have special needs to obtain support, advice, information, and referrals. It is not an arena for special needs families to be "schooled" in how to raise our children, particularly with studies of the obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is not condescension. The OP was not addressing all parents of kids with special needs, she was simply offering some helpful tips to some parents who are able to make a few adjustments. Good hygiene should not be a compromise for comfort choices; they compliment each other.

The OP made a practical suggestion that applies to the general population as well as to kids with special needs. Unfortunately, some are teased because they have poor hygiene and some are teased because their clothes are stained, ill-fitting, etc.

The same thing goes for adults in the workplace without special needs who choose comfort over hygiene and ignore company dress codes. It can be very alienating.

Unsolicited advice never well. This was unsolicited. If someone had posted a questions about how to help her/his DC fit in better at school- then a post like the OP's may have been better accepted- if it was rewritten with less "I know more than you" kind of an attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is not condescension. The OP was not addressing all parents of kids with special needs, she was simply offering some helpful tips to some parents who are able to make a few adjustments. Good hygiene should not be a compromise for comfort choices; they compliment each other.

The OP made a practical suggestion that applies to the general population as well as to kids with special needs. Unfortunately, some are teased because they have poor hygiene and some are teased because their clothes are stained, ill-fitting, etc.

The same thing goes for adults in the workplace without special needs who choose comfort over hygiene and ignore company dress codes. It can be very alienating.

Then post this in General Parenting and Jobs.

[Anonymous]

I hope OP and the other educators on here have learned something. It's a matter of "can't" not "won't" in a lot of cases for our SN kids. Please stop piling onto their troubles by contributing to the judgments they receive.

Now with the weather changing, I have another battle that you may not have thought of... I have to convince my child that it's safe to wear shorts and t-shirts. With DC's sensory issues, anxiety, etc... switching seasonal clothing is another battle that takes me a few weeks to "win." Please be understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is not condescension. The OP was not addressing all parents of kids with special needs, she was simply offering some helpful tips to some parents who are able to make a few adjustments. Good hygiene should not be a compromise for comfort choices; they compliment each other.

The OP made a practical suggestion that applies to the general population as well as to kids with special needs. Unfortunately, some are teased because they have poor hygiene and some are teased because their clothes are stained, ill-fitting, etc.

The same thing goes for adults in the workplace without special needs who choose comfort over hygiene and ignore company dress codes. It can be very alienating.

Please point out her helpful tips. Because I don't get what's helpful about her post, and I don't even have a kid on the spectrum. I have a physically disabled kid who I dress in clothes of my choosing. She is acting as if parents of kids with these issues are blind to the situation and just don't give a damn, when they obviously, from their many posts, are trying their very best, each and every day, and so are their kids, against the very symptoms that make it highly difficult for their kids to dress and have good hygiene.

What is helpful about pointing out the obvious? What is helpful in adding to feelings of guilt and shame? What is helpful about making it sound as if it is a parent's responsibility to have your child fit in 100%, and 100% of the time? If I were a parent of a child with these issues, I would have cried after reading that post.

And OP, your mention that you are not referring to the severely disabled kids? Why, how condescending of you to have no expectations of those kids! Of course you have zero expectations of those children and their clothing! They are just inert objects, of course, without peers, educational objectives, social hopes and dreams, and can show up in any shitty rag, of course! You are an awful person. Please get a new job.


Beautifully put. Please, OP, find another profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The OP is right. A few years ago, my middle school neighbor ran into this. She was much more developed than the other girls but wore pants that were to short and too tight, tees that were too small, etc. She appeared babyish and was a magnet for unwanted male attention because they thought she was naive.

Fortunately, the neighborhood girls really liked her and took her shopping with her mom's approval and it made all the difference in her appearance. She fit in with her peers and was no longer a target.

+ 1 Fellow educator here. So some of you cannot fight this battle, and that is fine - but some of you who are reading this can fight it and need to be realistic. School is not Utopia for G-d's sale. (Neither is your place of work, the neighborhood pub, or even your Christian church!). Hygiene and appropriate appearance matter. It may be one more thing you have to care about in an already overwhelming situation, but yeah - it's one more thing you have to care about. Sorry.

I'm gobsmacked. We have to care about hygiene and appearance. Who knew? Thanks so much for the tip. Because I would never, ever, ever, have realized that but for you. YOU, you wonderful person you for letting us all know. Hygiene and appearance matter, hygiene and appearance matter. Thank GOD for you.

[Anonymous]

I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

I am a parent of a kid who was bullied in late elementary and I don't take offense at the content of OPs post. It is a good reminder, especially for things like character shirts for older kids and the "wrong" kind of pants (ie fleece sweats vs athletic pants...guilty as charged).

I think her tone and delivery needed some softening though, given her audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

I am a parent of a kid who was bullied in late elementary and I don't take offense at the content of OPs post. It is a good reminder, especially for things like character shirts for older kids and the "wrong" kind of pants (ie fleece sweats vs athletic pants...guilty as charged).

I think her tone and delivery needed some softening though, given her audience.

My husband likes to wear some star wars character shirts. I know tons of people of all ages. Sorry OP it isn't to your approval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP and the other educators on here have learned something. It's a matter of "can't" not "won't" in a lot of cases for our SN kids. Please stop piling onto their troubles by contributing to the judgments they receive.

Now with the weather changing, I have another battle that you may not have thought of... I have to convince my child that it's safe to wear shorts and t-shirts. With DC's sensory issues, anxiety, etc... switching seasonal clothing is another battle that takes me a few weeks to "win." Please be understanding.

Our school (not SN) recommends kids stay in jeans or long pants at school. Too many injuries on the blacktop and playground that can be prevented. They do not require it but highly recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a PSA? Because it's a really odd choice to post this on a random board for kids with special needs. I mean, both as a former special ed teacher and a parent of a kid with special needs now, I think it's a really odd choice to do anything but keep this to yourself, but there are degrees of odd. I'm similarly disturbed that as a long time special educator, this is what you choose to focus on as a point in a child's success and that you demonstrate a clear lack of understanding of...well, so much.

Agreed.

And I hate that I have to explain this, but if a SN child is being teased by peers because of his or her clothing then it is the peers who are failing to show appropriate social skills. Maybe if you want to do something helpful you could try to implement a sensitivity curriculum at your school.

Ding, ding ding, for the win. Stop accepting that "middle school kids will be mean" and punish them for it. Let them know that mean is wrong an it is OK for kids to be different, and wear cloths they like and that are comfortable to them, even if not the "latest fad." When did the latter become the problem, while the former is "to be expected?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

I'm a pp whose son has ADHD, social language pragmatic deficits, some sensory issues, and can be inflexible about clothing. I'm not offended by OP's post. If people find it disgusting and offensive and deserving of reporting- fine. I don't think so.

I get that these things can be battles and we all have to choose what we can manage each day-- for our family, it's peer relationships. I have a kid who wants friends so desperately and has no idea how to make them. I spend a lot of energy working to help DS find some friends and To understand social norms. He goes to social skills therapy, he has an advocate at school who can help him with social interactions, and I make sure that clothing/hygiene don't set him apart from his peers. My DS has literally sobbed on the car ride home from school, depressed over friendships- his therapist really works with us on how to get those friendships going because we know that belonging and friends are so critical to kids happiness and self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

I am a parent of a kid who was bullied in late elementary and I don't take offense at the content of OPs post. It is a good reminder, especially for things like character shirts for older kids and the "wrong" kind of pants (ie fleece sweats vs athletic pants...guilty as charged).

I think her tone and delivery needed some softening though, given her audience.

My husband likes to wear some star wars character shirts. I know tons of people of all ages. Sorry OP it isn't to your approval.

I posted a little longer, personal, and kind explaination that got deleted by Jeff because I had also quoted that nasty mean post.

My post was not a personal slam to your husband. You need to filter out what is kind and helpful (hint, not my post) and what is mean spirited (Those posts appeared to have been deleted by Jeff).

I am not going to rewrite my post that got deleted, but I will say that using my 20/20 rear view mirror, I wish I would have started gradually filtering out my sons beloved minecraft and lego Ts starting in fourth grade so they were mostly completely gone by the end of fifth, and replaced them gradually with equally comfortable mand oftenr cheaper (if you buy at TJ Maxx or Marshalls) Under Armor shirts, plain Ts, etc.

I also wished I had dropped the whole "athletic pants are not for school" line of thought.

When my son noticed in sixth that he did not look like the other kids and that fashion was part of the bullying, we switched over into more current clothes. But by then, it was too late and the switch was so obvious. He went to school excited and proud of the new Under Armor hoodie he had picked out (all the kids wore these) and came home with it stuffed in his backpack.

If I could give advice to help other kids like my son, it would be to deal with the battle at home to make the future days at school much essier. If we had started gradually filtering out his preferred character Ts back in fourth, the change would have been so gradual and it would have saved him a lot of heartache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a PSA? Because it's a really odd choice to post this on a random board for kids with special needs. I mean, both as a former special ed teacher and a parent of a kid with special needs now, I think it's a really odd choice to do anything but keep this to yourself, but there are degrees of odd. I'm similarly disturbed that as a long time special educator, this is what you choose to focus on as a point in a child's success and that you demonstrate a clear lack of understanding of...well, so much.

Agreed.

And I hate that I have to explain this, but if a SN child is being teased by peers because of his or her clothing then it is the peers who are failing to show appropriate social skills. Maybe if you want to do something helpful you could try to implement a sensitivity curriculum at your school.

Ding, ding ding, for the win. Stop accepting that "middle school kids will be mean" and punish them for it. Let them know that mean is wrong an it is OK for kids to be different, and wear cloths they like and that are comfortable to them, even if not the "latest fad." When did the latter become the problem, while the former is "to be expected?"

Don't you remember what it was like to be a kid? Sometimes it is nice just to blend in with the crowd.

It is not about "fads." It is a simole way to make things just a hair easier for kids who generally have a rough time.

I was the stinky kid in upper elementary. Goodness, I wish my parents would have fought that battle, even if they had to do it every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of two kids with ASD and I honestly don't take offense at OP's post. Clearly I'm in the minority, though.

I'm a pp whose son has ADHD, social language pragmatic deficits, some sensory issues, and can be inflexible about clothing. I'm not offended by OP's post. If people find it disgusting and offensive and deserving of reporting- fine. I don't think so.

I get that these things can be battles and we all have to choose what we can manage each day-- for our family, it's peer relationships. I have a kid who wants friends so desperately and has no idea how to make them. I spend a lot of energy working to help DS find some friends and To understand social norms. He goes to social skills therapy, he has an advocate at school who can help him with social interactions, and I make sure that clothing/hygiene don't set him apart from his peers. My DS has literally sobbed on the car ride home from school, depressed over friendships- his therapist really works with us on how to get those friendships going because we know that belonging and friends are so critical to kids happiness and self esteem.

Me, either. I have a 13 year old boy with HFA. You better believe that when he started junior high, I made an effort to find out what clothing brands are "cool" and made sure that he had those. He needs all of the help that he can get socially, and at a minimum, it provides some protective coloration. I didn't have to work very hard to find very soft tshirts and hoodies from Aeropostle and Abercrombie that he didn't mind wearing.