Husband tells me to move out every time we argue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have kids. If you do, please please please remember not to become a SAHM. I wish I listened to my mother when she told me to continue working 3 days a week.

Or what you do is join a tech firm who pays to freeze your eggs, lean in for 20 years, cash out and retire by 40, and then have kids on your own terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I divorced his sorry ass. I'm much happier now.

wow - a poster who bucked the trend in DC. Congratulations for having a spine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. It seems to me that it is affecting your self-esteem. A healthy marriage does not make you feel bad about yourself or create so much anxiety. It sounds like you’ve tried counseling but may be one more shot would be worth it. A very reputable and free organization I’ve heard about is Focus on the Family and they provide free counseling. Their number is: 855-771-HELP. If you find your husband isn’t willing to go or try to work on the issues, I hope you will seek counsel for yourself to determine your next steps. Would it be ok if I prayed for you and your situation? I wish you all the best!

Suzy

Focus on the Family is not a "reputable" organization. It is a well-known Christian right organization that promotes it's agenda - anti-abortion, pro-marriage (unless it's gay marriage, in which case their anti-marriage), pro-religious solutions. They have supported conversion therapy on the basis of junk science, which disqualifies them IMO from being trusted to offer any reliable, evidence-based therapy or advice about relationships. If you would like to be counseled on God's plan for your marriage and sexuality, give 'em a ring.

As opposed to, say, Planned Parenthood, which promotes its agenda of abortion?

FOTF does a LOT of good for a lot of people. If you don't like it, fine, but you have no business slamming them in this manner. You have no idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

FOTF are just bigots who've found each other. They are indefensible, but nice try. PP has no relevance to this conversation, as we are not discussing reproductive health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 8 years tells me "so go live by yourself if you don't like the way I treat you" every time I try to talk to him about some shitty thing he said to me. The latest happened today. I misplaced my keys at work. I looked for nearly 30 minutes and could not find them. I called him for a ride and he got pissed and said that he is sick of me doing things like this. I have never lost my keys and have never called him to bring me a spare key. Ever.
I told him later that I didn't appreciate being treated the way he treated me and he told me "if you don't like it, you can move out on your own and you won't have to deal with it." That is his solution to every problem. He doesn't want to talk about any of our problems, so he pulls this shit on me.
We tried counselling, but it obviously didn't take.
I'm constantly on edge, feel anxious all the time and feel generally inadequate with most things that I do because of this.
I don't really have a question. I just need to vent.

Pack a bag. Next time he says it, take yourself to a nice hotel for a weekend, and don't answer your phone.

I think that is awful advice. Don't play games. Just have a serious talk about where this kind of reaction is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows that he holds all the cards in the relationship. He has all the money and power right now. That is no way to live. He has created a dynamic that is really unhealthy for your relationship and is damaging you as an individual.

When you are in a situation like yours, it is hard to see how much it impacts you. Your self esteem is quietly eroded away over a period of years. Soon, you don't even realize how abusive your spouse is being to you because you have been hearing it for so long that it becomes your new normal.

I would encourage you to leave for a little while (probably more than a weekend) and get some perspective. While having money adds security to your life, the price you are paying for that security is way too high.

You can find happiness. As the other PPs have said -- Do not have kids with this man. If you think it is bad now, I guarantee it will be far worse once he criticizes your parenting skills.

Agree with this. Also, having kids will add stress to your lives and relationship that you cannot imagine now. If your stress level now is 2 /10, having a child increases to 8 or 9 on a 10 point scale, especially in the first years. If you think his reaction and the way he is treating you is bad now, it will only get substantially worse post pregnancy and kid. So, think hard, if this is what you want for yourself. No need to wait for him to say it one more time and to demonstratively leave at that point, which could only escalate your fight. Be calm and reasonable: if you do decide to leave, meet with a lawyer to find out specific details on your circumstances, find a place to live, and then and only then, pack up your things and leave, with no drama. My sister when through somewhat similar experience. She left, rented a studio on her own, and lived for about a year. That really jilted her husband to try to work on their marriage and to stop taking her so much for granted, and worked to win her back. She returned to live together, and while it's not all roses, things have improved. Now, it's not necessary that your dh would act the same and try to change so you come back, may be he's given up and is too passive to do the active step of moving out himself.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a jerk. I would leave him. Don't have kids, and pack your bags.

[Anonymous]

This thread is from 2015. Op, if you're around update how things are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. It seems to me that it is affecting your self-esteem. A healthy marriage does not make you feel bad about yourself or create so much anxiety. It sounds like you’ve tried counseling but may be one more shot would be worth it. A very reputable and free organization I’ve heard about is Focus on the Family and they provide free counseling. Their number is: 855-771-HELP. If you find your husband isn’t willing to go or try to work on the issues, I hope you will seek counsel for yourself to determine your next steps. Would it be ok if I prayed for you and your situation? I wish you all the best!

Suzy

Focus on the Family is not a "reputable" organization. It is a well-known Christian right organization that promotes it's agenda - anti-abortion, pro-marriage (unless it's gay marriage, in which case their anti-marriage), pro-religious solutions. They have supported conversion therapy on the basis of junk science, which disqualifies them IMO from being trusted to offer any reliable, evidence-based therapy or advice about relationships. If you would like to be counseled on God's plan for your marriage and sexuality, give 'em a ring.

As opposed to, say, Planned Parenthood, which promotes its agenda of abortion?

FOTF does a LOT of good for a lot of people. If you don't like it, fine, but you have no business slamming them in this manner. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Actually, planned parenthood doesn't do that but you've obviously been brainwashed by Christian extremists. OP, Focus on the Family is not reputable. Get there to a licensed therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? If no, this guy sounds like an asshole. I would definitely "leave" next time. Do you have access to your own money?

No kids and not much money.

Get out now. Right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is from 2015. Op, if you're around update how things are.

She did on the previous page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I divorced his sorry ass. I'm much happier now.

Good for you OP!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I divorced his sorry ass. I'm much happier now.

wow - a poster who bucked the trend in DC. Congratulations for having a spine!

+1. Good for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean this to sound flippant, but I agree with him. You should move out, OP. He sounds like a dick. You deserve a better life than to spend it with someone who wears you down and berates you.

[Anonymous]

I replied above with advice to leave- didn't read all the way through. So glad you did!! Hope your life is much happier now.