My ex is back 22 years later, claiming I was "the one" - I'm not, at all.

[Anonymous]

When you have a stalker you want to get rid of, you cut all communication immediately. You take down any social media he can find of you and basically go silent on all fronts.

That's what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. Some people are telling her to tell him to stop and others are telling her she is enjoying it and encouraging it if she tells him to stop.

Because she's already told him to stop....twice...a third time isn't going to accomplish anything that the first two did not.

Has she told him specifically to stop yet? In his mind "I'm married" may not mean "stop being a fucking creeper"

I think she used the phrase " I'm married, and I'm not interested" which I think was a big mistake. She should have been straight up from the beginning because you could possibly infer from her answer that if circumstances were to change se would be interested. Regardless what the OP needs to do now is respond with a simple " do not contact me again " and ignore him. Idk why she is trying to formulate an elaborate response. Putting a lot of thought into something you have no interest in. /shrug

Why make such an inference? Isn't it fairly apparent she is worried this is going to escalate if she outright rejects him because of their past history? I think she is very interested in handling this right, with the situation that is right in front of her. Saying what she should have done is zero help and only serves to victim blame.

I think it is wrong to even entertain that she did anything wrong or that inferred anything to him or instigated anything. This guy is right on the borderline of physically stalking her. She didn't invite this, she didn't want this and from her posts it certainly doesn't seem like she is enjoying this.

Oh please, I clearly said what she SHOULD do, now, after the fact. You do not engage with people like that, period. Which is why you keep it short and to the point. It's not a college application essay, it's a "stay the hell away from me.done"

I think it's fine to be honest and point out that something she said/did MAY have lead him to keep pushing the issue. I never said she did it intentionally, so don't get so hot and bothered.

[Anonymous]

STOP ENTERTAINING THIS NONESENSE. JUST STOP. there is no need to say once again that you are not interested. You said that already. He knows. He doesn't care. Block him stop responding and move on with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. Some people are telling her to tell him to stop and others are telling her she is enjoying it and encouraging it if she tells him to stop.

Because she's already told him to stop....twice...a third time isn't going to accomplish anything that the first two did not.

Has she told him specifically to stop yet? In his mind "I'm married" may not mean "stop being a fucking creeper"

I think she used the phrase " I'm married, and I'm not interested" which I think was a big mistake. She should have been straight up from the beginning because you could possibly infer from her answer that if circumstances were to change se would be interested. Regardless what the OP needs to do now is respond with a simple " do not contact me again " and ignore him. Idk why she is trying to formulate an elaborate response. Putting a lot of thought into something you have no interest in. /shrug

Why make such an inference? Isn't it fairly apparent she is worried this is going to escalate if she outright rejects him because of their past history? I think she is very interested in handling this right, with the situation that is right in front of her. Saying what she should have done is zero help and only serves to victim blame.

I think it is wrong to even entertain that she did anything wrong or that inferred anything to him or instigated anything. This guy is right on the borderline of physically stalking her. She didn't invite this, she didn't want this and from her posts it certainly doesn't seem like she is enjoying this.

Oh please, I clearly said what she SHOULD do, now, after the fact. You do not engage with people like that, period. Which is why you keep it short and to the point. It's not a college application essay, it's a "stay the hell away from me.done"

I think it's fine to be honest and point out that something she said/did MAY have lead him to keep pushing the issue. I never said she did it intentionally, so don't get so hot and bothered.

Do you get that there is a history between them and saying something like "stay the hell away from me" may not be the best recourse? In her OP she just asked the best way to word her response. Its pretty obvious she is worried he will escalate and come to her home and she is trying to prevent that if at all possible.

I still am really bothered by "she may have lead him to keep pushing the issue" this is on him, completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STOP ENTERTAINING THIS NONESENSE. JUST STOP. there is no need to say once again that you are not interested. You said that already. He knows. He doesn't care. Block him stop responding and move on with life.

And when he shows up on her doorstep because she stopped responding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STOP ENTERTAINING THIS NONESENSE. JUST STOP. there is no need to say once again that you are not interested. You said that already. He knows. He doesn't care. Block him stop responding and move on with life.

And when he shows up on her doorstep because she stopped responding?

Call the police because he willbe trespassing on private property. She has already said she is not interested TWICE. He doesnot care. A third time is going to do what, exactly, when he has brushed off the first two? He wants contact with her. Stop giving it to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STOP ENTERTAINING THIS NONESENSE. JUST STOP. there is no need to say once again that you are not interested. You said that already. He knows. He doesn't care. Block him stop responding and move on with life.

And when he shows up on her doorstep because she stopped responding?

Call the police because he willbe trespassing on private property. She has already said she is not interested TWICE. He doesnot care. A third time is going to do what, exactly, when he has brushed off the first two? He wants contact with her. Stop giving it to him.

Maybe she needs to make it clear and on record that she wants no more contact from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. Some people are telling her to tell him to stop and others are telling her she is enjoying it and encouraging it if she tells him to stop.

Because she's already told him to stop....twice...a third time isn't going to accomplish anything that the first two did not.

Has she told him specifically to stop yet? In his mind "I'm married" may not mean "stop being a fucking creeper"

I think she used the phrase " I'm married, and I'm not interested" which I think was a big mistake. She should have been straight up from the beginning because you could possibly infer from her answer that if circumstances were to change se would be interested. Regardless what the OP needs to do now is respond with a simple " do not contact me again " and ignore him. Idk why she is trying to formulate an elaborate response. Putting a lot of thought into something you have no interest in. /shrug

Why make such an inference? Isn't it fairly apparent she is worried this is going to escalate if she outright rejects him because of their past history? I think she is very interested in handling this right, with the situation that is right in front of her. Saying what she should have done is zero help and only serves to victim blame.

I think it is wrong to even entertain that she did anything wrong or that inferred anything to him or instigated anything. This guy is right on the borderline of physically stalking her. She didn't invite this, she didn't want this and from her posts it certainly doesn't seem like she is enjoying this.

Oh please, I clearly said what she SHOULD do, now, after the fact. You do not engage with people like that, period. Which is why you keep it short and to the point. It's not a college application essay, it's a "stay the hell away from me.done"

I think it's fine to be honest and point out that something she said/did MAY have lead him to keep pushing the issue. I never said she did it intentionally, so don't get so hot and bothered.

Do you get that there is a history between them and saying something like "stay the hell away from me" may not be the best recourse? In her OP she just asked the best way to word her response. Its pretty obvious she is worried he will escalate and come to her home and she is trying to prevent that if at all possible.

I still am really bothered by "she may have lead him to keep pushing the issue" this is on him, completely.

That's your opinion, I disagree. Finding a "nice" way to tell him to stop contacting her is going to do nothing to stop him from showing up at her door step. You do realize this is a guy that wants her to have an affair with him and already knows that she wants him to stop??? How you can think that anything besides a " do not contact me anymore" is appropriate is beyond me. I'm guessing you have never had to deal with a real stalker before.

You are upset that I said her actions may have encouraged him? I'm sorry that you don't approve of how a stalker can potentially twist someone's words in their head to justify their actions. Just because she may have done it unknowingly is NOT the same as me saying it's her fault, idk how you don't get that. I don't think I can make it any clearer for you either. You're so hung up on this nonexistent victim blaming.

It's time to agree to disagree, I don't think the OP is even reading this anymore so let's not waste our time.

[Anonymous]

Meh... Just the fact that this dude had conversations with her about having an affair/what their children would would like/how she should ditch her husband, and even after that she did not explicitly tell him to stop??? That is a huge red flag to me. I would be pissed at her if I was in her hubbies spot. If my wife's ex tried something like that we would not be on DCUM trying to figure out a course of action I can promise you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh... Just the fact that this dude had conversations with her about having an affair/what their children would would like/how she should ditch her husband, and even after that she did not explicitly tell him to stop??? That is a huge red flag to me. I would be pissed at her if I was in her hubbies spot. If my wife's ex tried something like that we would not be on DCUM trying to figure out a course of action I can promise you that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Frankly, he sounds dangerous.

Tell your husband, and ignore all contact attempts.

+1. I would cut off all contact immediately. Your husband may become his target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Are you positive this person who is contacting you is really your ex? Any chance that this might be an imposter who remembers you two from back in the day and is trying to stir things up for some reason? Maybe he is hoping to get you to say something regrettable in return? For some reason this whole thing just doesn't sound right.

I've seen obsessive behavior before and I think that if this guy was this obsessed with you he would be on your doorstep or "bumping into" you someplace. They usually don't worship afar like that...Does he talk like his old self?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but read "the gift of fear".

[Anonymous]

Tell him about how you would love to get together but your hemorrhoids are acting up and you don't even want to get into the heavy and clotty monthly flows that you've been experiencing since childbirth.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him about how you would love to get together but your hemorrhoids are acting up and you don't even want to get into the heavy and clotty monthly flows that you've been experiencing since childbirth.....

What if he is a hematolagniac? That would just turn him on to her even more