My ex is back 22 years later, claiming I was "the one" - I'm not, at all.
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Anonymous
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I need some help wording a response.
Back story: I dated a guy for 7 months, knew him for two years, back in college when I was a sophomore. It was a nice relationship but he got drafted - he proposed and I declined, for a few reasons, mostly I was too young, he wasn't the one and I really didn't see myself as an athlete's wife - I told him all this at the time. He was furious and threw a nasty ugly fit. I haven't given him a whole lot of thought since. Now its 22 years since we've dated and he has been contacting me about getting back together. I am happily married, not at all interested and feel kind of embarrassed for him that he is having a moment in his life like this. A lot of messages about "you were the one that got away" and "I look at your life and imagine me in place of your husband" etc. He has asked for an affair, asked that I leave my DH, keeps bragging about his money and career and how much better he is than my DH. He keeps lamenting that if I am such a big baseball fan why didn't I want to marry him. He lays out the life I could have had. Tells me about the things he gave his ex wives, blames the fact that he has plural ex wives on the fact that I'm his soul mate. He described how my children would look now if he was their father. Sends me pictures from our hometown and places we could "be together". My DH has known about this from the beginning and thinks its funny and teases me about it, he did look a bit miffed about the father of my kids comments though. 
I know if I asked my DH to say something to him he would but I'm hoping not to escalate this. What can I say to this guy that I haven't already? I tell him I am happily married. I've tried to be kind, I've tried to be firm. Its getting to the edge of creepy. |
Anonymous
| At this point, there's no way to save his feelings or beat around the bush. You have to bluntly tell him you aren't interested, he is coming off as pathetic and that you feel sorry for him that he's so hung up on you because you never think about him at all. You're going to have to be a little brutal with him if he's this obtuse. |
Anonymous
| The best response at this point is to not respond. He just keeps escalating when you do. |
Anonymous
| Tell him you are cutting off contact because his contact is unwelcome. Sounds like this has gone one too long and way too far. I know you are trying to be 'nice', but that's not the right response here. Stop taking/responding to his messages and stick to it. |
Anonymous
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"Ex,
I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" |
Anonymous
| What an ego he has. |
Anonymous
| Cut off communication. It's only encouraging him. |
Anonymous
| Tell him you're not interested in 'roid dick |
Anonymous
Something like this as a final message, and then "black hole" anything further from him. Simply stop responding. |
Anonymous
That's all you say If you are being pursued despite hearing this, he is scum |
Anonymous
| It's so flattering that you think that I was the one for you. While I did care for you, I've moved on and am deeply in love with my husband and very happy with my life. Not only am I not interested in an affair with you, I'm really not interested in continuing this discussion. If you can't get past the thought of us as a couple, then we'll need to stop communicating at all, because I'm not interested in repeating myself so many times that we do not have and will not have a romantic relationship. |
Anonymous
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This guy is obviously totally out of line. (If was a football player, I would have said no pun intended...Lol.)
Anyway, you have been direct w/him yet he still continues to pursue you. That leaves no other option but for you to delete him from everything. I.e., Facebook, e-mail contacts lists, cell phone, etc. Don't respond to anything he says or does. By doing so, you are offering him hope even though that is not your intention. If you continue communicating w/this guy, you are not only disrespecting yourself, but also your great husband too. And I agree...DO NOT have your husband speak w/him. It may cause your ex's anger to escalate to unfavorable heights. Plus it wouldn't be your husband's duty to write this guy off, he never dated this man. It is up to you entirely OP. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
| He got drafted? Are you American? |
Anonymous
| Oh SPORTS drafted. Never mind. |
Anonymous
For sports, clearly. |