My ex is back 22 years later, claiming I was "the one" - I'm not, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut off communication. It's only encouraging him.

Is He contacting you on facebook or via email? Just block him. You should have done this after the first weird contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh SPORTS drafted. Never mind.

LOL, I was on the same page as you for a bit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it.

I Doubt that I am the only one that finds 5 responses going beyond the desire to not be rude. That's what the first response is for lol. Add to that you now want to formulate a 6'th response and it's a little bewildering. I guess everyone learns at their own pace, but I hope you manage to cut out this creep from your life for good. I think he is a nut job, but I also think you helped to perpetuate w/e is going on in his head by responding again after the first rejection. Not trying to be mean, it's just the only logical explanation I can come up with based on the information provided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it.

I Doubt that I am the only one that finds 5 responses going beyond the desire to not be rude. That's what the first response is for lol. Add to that you now want to formulate a 6'th response and it's a little bewildering. I guess everyone learns at their own pace, but I hope you manage to cut out this creep from your life for good. I think he is a nut job, but I also think you helped to perpetuate w/e is going on in his head by responding again after the first rejection. Not trying to be mean, it's just the only logical explanation I can come up with based on the information provided.

If they were having an exchange and catching up on old times and then he got creepy, which is how I read it, I don't find five responses a big deal at all. It sounds like she has told him she is married and not interested and now she needs to tell him to stop.

I vote for 15:03 too, good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

As a guy, I agree with most of this. Rejection is just another challenge for some guys. Especially if there is an open Channel of communication. Do yourself a favor and just ignore him, he will move onto someone else much faster than you can "actively" get rid of him once he sees its not worth his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it.

I Doubt that I am the only one that finds 5 responses going beyond the desire to not be rude. That's what the first response is for lol. Add to that you now want to formulate a 6'th response and it's a little bewildering. I guess everyone learns at their own pace, but I hope you manage to cut out this creep from your life for good. I think he is a nut job, but I also think you helped to perpetuate w/e is going on in his head by responding again after the first rejection. Not trying to be mean, it's just the only logical explanation I can come up with based on the information provided.

If they were having an exchange and catching up on old times and then he got creepy, which is how I read it, I don't find five responses a big deal at all. It sounds like she has told him she is married and not interested and now she needs to tell him to stop.

I vote for 15:03 too, good advice.

Yes, but the op has not given us much detail on her responses and what they were in regards to. Op admits herself it went downhill quickly and she has already told him she is not interested. Why do you have to tell him again when you've already made your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for all of your responses. I really needed some help wording my response because he did really flip out the last time I "rejected" him. In the last threeish weeks that this has been going on I have responded 5 times. At first he contacted me fairly innocently. So I responded in kind. It went downhill quickly. I would wake up to dozens of messages from him. Recently my well meaning (idiot) cousin gave him my number. So now I have a lot of voicemails from him.

As I said, I wanted to be kind. It is obvious he is going through a "thing" right now. At first I told him I was happily married and not interested in changing that, I also told him I was happy to hear from him and hoped he was doing well (I know, my bad, didn't think it would escalate like this). Now I absolutely want this to stop but I don't want his "thing" to turn into crazy, you know?

As for my husband he has read and heard everything and he laughs it off, says "Its because you are too hot" (he is just being sweet) and teases me about my "boyfriend". I have not let him know that I am seriously beginning to get creeped out because honestly I don't want to worry/bug my DH about something so lame.

Because honestly ... its 22 years later, I am a grown woman with kids and a button down suburban life. My ex while not a "famous" ball player had a really solid career, I checked out his social media looks like he has plenty of friends and good times. He lives on the opposite coast, he still has his looks, he should seriously not be pining for me. I feel stupid even posting about this, but as I said, I really was at a loss for what to say to him to end this situation. I have no intention of outing him or embarrassing him, I just want to stop. It is sad and pathetic bordering on creepy, he needs to get a grip.

I am going to use a form of what 15:03 advised "Ex, I have told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you. Your messages are disrespectful - to me, to my marriage, to my husband, to my children. Do not contact me again. Sarah" and then ignore anything further. If he keeps it up I will block what I can. I will also keep a record of what he has said, just in case.

Thanks again. I appreciate all the help.

Bolded all the red flags, overall your mistake has been responding in any way shape or form. In his mind that just shows you are interested enough to give the time to formulate a response. Usually if somebody has no interest it's a no and that's it. 5 responses is just crazy, and I can see how this escalated with the new info provided . If you respond in the format you linked, it's not going to solve anything. you have already told him you are not interested, he does not need to hear it phrased in a different way. Do yourself a favor and learn from your most recent 5 mistakes (responses) and say nothing. He already knows how you feel, and ignoring him is the best way to convey your lack of interest. Unless you really do enjoy his infatuation with you I which case I guess you can respond to him?

Hmmm well, I wasn't going to be rude when someone from my past contacts me and says hi and asks how things are going. If that was a mistake, then okay, but I don't really think this is on me. I also don't think sending a message to him for this to stop and not to contact me again means I am enjoying his "infatuation". But thank you for the advice, I will consider it.

I Doubt that I am the only one that finds 5 responses going beyond the desire to not be rude. That's what the first response is for lol. Add to that you now want to formulate a 6'th response and it's a little bewildering. I guess everyone learns at their own pace, but I hope you manage to cut out this creep from your life for good. I think he is a nut job, but I also think you helped to perpetuate w/e is going on in his head by responding again after the first rejection. Not trying to be mean, it's just the only logical explanation I can come up with based on the information provided.

OP

I understand you are trying to help, it did come off a bit like you were saying this is my fault and it just isn't. I responded to him like I would any old friend. I then told him I wasn't interested, twice. As it continued to get weirder and creepier I haven't responded at all, but I want it to stop. While you may not be of this opinion, I am of the opinion that if I am not very clear with him, he will continue to try to contact me. He lives in my hometown, he knows family I have there. I have no doubt he knows exactly where I live now.

As I have said, while I don't think anything terrible is going to happen, I would rather be safe than sorry. So if I can be clear and cut him off I want to do that. I don't want him showing up on my doorstep. That in no way means I am enjoying any of this. I hope that is clear, I don't see how it could be bewildering.

[Anonymous]

OP, he sounds like he has some kind of mental illness. It's one thing to repeatedly declare his love for someone he knew more than two decades ago; it's another to discuss envisioning you in specific places together etc.

I would cut off contact as the 1503 suggested. I also don't think it would be out of line to speak to someone in law enforcement about this, in hopes of getting more professional advice about how to protect yourself if he continues to fantasize about a life together. I'm not trying to freak you out, but this guy sounds like something has gone haywire - that can be the case even if he has tons of friends and a great life on instagram.

[Anonymous]

The part that I dont get is why the op has not already told him to stop, and is on DCUM looking for help. You already know what you have to do, and it's a response that should be phrased in as few sentences as possible, sooo....just type it up right now as simply as possible and send it off and never look back, even at his response. He's a grown man, not a special needs kid. It's not your job to let him off easy, it's not like your breaking up with him.

I mean seriously, the guy has asked you to have an affair with him. You shouldn't be putting more than 2-3 sentences of thought into this...

" I am happily married to the love of my life and have no interest in any sort of relationship with you. Please do not contact me again. "

Signed -DCUM

Done

[Anonymous]

PS don't worry about those telling you that you've done something wrong. That's just the DCUM need to bash the OP, no matter how innocent they are.

[Anonymous]

Well, when you say he flipped out when you rejected him and "in the 3 weeks it has been going on you have responded 5 times" it makes it sound like you've rejected the guy 5 times, so I can see why it would be bewildering. It's hard to tell from what you provided what part was innocent and what part was not.
If you had normal conversations for 3 weeks and than at the end you rejected him with the 5th reply that's fine.
If you rejected him and then over the course of the next 3 weeks you did it again and again , that's a diff story

[Anonymous]

I'm the one you said was blaming you. To be clear I never said it was your fault. I said he was a creep but you also helped perpetuate it based on my understanding how how you relayed the events. There is a big difference...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, when you say he flipped out when you rejected him and "in the 3 weeks it has been going on you have responded 5 times" it makes it sound like you've rejected the guy 5 times, so I can see why it would be bewildering. It's hard to tell from what you provided what part was innocent and what part was not.
If you had normal conversations for 3 weeks and than at the end you rejected him with the 5th reply that's fine.
If you rejected him and then over the course of the next 3 weeks you did it again and again , that's a diff story

She rejected him 22 years ago when he proposed and he was an ass about it, it was right in the OP. She said she spoke to him like you normally would when he "reconnected" and then told him twice she wasn't interested.