I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No they don't and you saying they do over and over doesn't make it so

+1 but some people cannot discuss they can only shove their views so far down your throat until you surrender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

[Anonymous]

OP did your date come clean finally or did you find out by touch?

[Anonymous]

I would flip out if I found out I was dating a transgender person. I don't give a crap if it is not PC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a woman here would have a problem with a woman fending off an unwanted sexual advance forcefully if necessary. He did not do that. He has understandable feelings of violation of trust and his person. That is not homophobia.

This.

Also have a bit of compassion and empathy. This just happened, he feels violated and he is venting. If this were a female, the responses would be very different.

The issue I have with OP is that he's treating it like some special level of violation, that it's somehow worse than any other time someone lies to another person to get them in bed, and that there should be some heightened level of consequence for this person as compared to people who lie about other things. It's just not, no matter how upset OP may be.

There are no levels to feeling violated and OP has giving no indication that he feels this is some special snowflake issue just for him. This also goes beyond just lying to get someone in bed, this is deceiving a person into being a sexuality they are not. Just like a transgender man doesn't want to be forced to be female or a homosexual man forced to make out with a ciswoman.

First, OP had said he thinks it's worse. Second, this doesn't make OP gay. His sexuality is exactly as it was before this encounter. Kissing a girl in college did not make me a lesbian, as much as at times I wish it had.

And I agreed it was worse than just lying about being married. This is STD level type lying and its a violation. The examples I gave were not about "turning" someone gay - they were about forcing someone to be something they are not against their will.

It would be like a guy finding out that the costumed woman he had been making out with all night at the masquerade party is (Surprise!) his mother! Not an encounter that he would ever knowingly consent to.

Just like how I would never knowingly consent to making out with a married man. You keep saying these things are different, yet all the examples apply equally.

Not the same thing. You wouldn't make out with a married man because that goes against your values whereas you would never knowingly make out with your own parent EVER nor would you ever knowingly make out with a person of the same sex under ANY circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

You are a good man OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP did your date come clean finally or did you find out by touch?

He came clean when I started to make a move down his pants (.....). At first he was shy, so I backed off. Then I apologized and he said no, it's his fault, he didn't tell me something about himself. I'm thinking he's going to say STD or menstrual cycle which I have experienced before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

I can not in a million years believe that transgendered people do this on a routine basis. They've usually struggled for years with their own identity, I just can't imagine that they would casually spring this on unsuspecting dates. Not likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

I can not in a million years believe that transgendered people do this on a routine basis. They've usually struggled for years with their own identity, I just can't imagine that they would casually spring this on unsuspecting dates. Not likely.

Its actually a huge thing in the transgender community. There are staunch first date people and other are staunchly on the side of only when sex comes into play and yet others that think since they are women or men they never have to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

I can not in a million years believe that transgendered people do this on a routine basis. They've usually struggled for years with their own identity, I just can't imagine that they would casually spring this on unsuspecting dates. Not likely.

according to him though, I was not an unsuspecting date. He said that he's really a woman so it's not wrong. He said my feelings about who he is as a woman is real. He's actually right on the latter. That's the mind fuck part. And then she has a penis.

[Anonymous]

Or at least i think so. I was so heated I didn't even really care to confirm. Doesn't really matter I guess. If he doesnt the issue still stands. The fact that he disclosed his past and explained it too me before things went further was evidence to me that he really does believe he's a woman and didn't mean to hurt me. I get that.

[Anonymous]

Hypotheticall op, and I'm a pp who has written a few of the posts supporting your reaction, if this person had completed gender reassignment would you feel different (pardon the pun)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

Have you read the thread?

Hes homophobic, violent, needs therapy, "who says slugged in 2015" and been told over and over to get over it.

No, we didn't say that. Plenty of people have acknowledged that it's understandable to be upset. We just disagree that it's a worse violation than other lies, which is what OP has been arguing (eg, legal action).

I do acknowledge that legal action may be a stretch. But it feels like something should happen. This can't become normal and it won't .If for anything, protection for the transgender community. I have never seriously punched anyone in the face or gotten into a fight before and I almost knocked his ass out. What would someone do who has a lot less restraint? I'm the second person he's done this too according to him. I am actually becoming increasingly concerned for the very man I currently hate.

I can not in a million years believe that transgendered people do this on a routine basis. They've usually struggled for years with their own identity, I just can't imagine that they would casually spring this on unsuspecting dates. Not likely.

according to him though, I was not an unsuspecting date. He said that he's really a woman so it's not wrong. He said my feelings about who he is as a woman is real. He's actually right on the latter. That's the mind fuck part. And then she has a penis.

You did not expect the penis. You were an unsuspecting date. I think it was profoundly selfish of this person to spring all of this on you in the heat of passion. How exactly were you supposed to react? Sounds like a total jerk to me.

[Anonymous]

Looking back with hindsight - were there any telltale signs?

Broad torso? Man hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hypotheticall op, and I'm a pp who has written a few of the posts supporting your reaction, if this person had completed gender reassignment would you feel different (pardon the pun)?

No. For all I know might have had it done. Sure didn't see a penis outline or bulge through his pants that sparked an alarm. Not that I was specifically looking for it anyway. He has $$ so I wouldn't be surprised.

I accept that he believes himself to be a woman and wants to be called that. He has a right to do that. From an everyday life perspective, I don't really think it matters (maybe sports would be an issue?). When you get into dating and intimacy, a line is drawn...