I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

OP, I called you an asshole earlier. And while I am not convinced you're not...I can tell you are processing some really heavy and confusing emotions. Anger is understandable.

However, your date believe she is a woman. If you care about the person you got to know then honor that and use the preferred pronoun. It's not about being PC, it's beign respectful.

Put yourself in your date's shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back with hindsight - were there any telltale signs?

Broad torso? Man hands?

No. He has small hands. Small features. Short. His hips and thighs were somewhat curvy and he had a plump ass. I'm guessing he had work done because his ass is like the girls in hip hop music videos.. Without a doubt he is a good looking transgender woman. I have no shame in being attracted to her physically. He did a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back with hindsight - were there any telltale signs?

Broad torso? Man hands?

No. She has small hands. Small features. Short. Her hips and thighs were somewhat curvy and she had a plump ass. I'm guessing she had work done because her ass is like the girls in hip hop music videos.. Without a doubt she is a good looking transgender woman. I have no shame in being attracted to her physically. She did a good job.

FTFY. Don't worry though, you are upset and its hard to get the hang of using proper pronouns and pc labels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a woman here would have a problem with a woman fending off an unwanted sexual advance forcefully if necessary. He did not do that. He has understandable feelings of violation of trust and his person. That is not homophobia.

This.

Also have a bit of compassion and empathy. This just happened, he feels violated and he is venting. If this were a female, the responses would be very different.

The issue I have with OP is that he's treating it like some special level of violation, that it's somehow worse than any other time someone lies to another person to get them in bed, and that there should be some heightened level of consequence for this person as compared to people who lie about other things. It's just not, no matter how upset OP may be.

What's wrong with you? Of COURSE it is a special level of violation. HE DID NOT WANT TO BE INTIMATE WITH A MAN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And btw I'm not going to out him because i don't think he meant to hurt me. The problem is really considers himself a woman, so he doesn't feel the need to say anything because he's a woman. That's messed up if the other party doesn't known that. Is this going to be the new normal now??!

And anyone who recoils from the new normal is a homophobe or anti-trans or sexually static instead of sexually fluid. SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back with hindsight - were there any telltale signs?

Broad torso? Man hands?

No. She has small hands. Small features. Short. Her hips and thighs were somewhat curvy and she had a plump ass. I'm guessing she had work done because her ass is like the girls in hip hop music videos.. Without a doubt she is a good looking transgender woman. I have no shame in being attracted to her physically. She did a good job.

FTFY. Don't worry though, you are upset and its hard to get the hang of using proper pronouns and pc labels.

Yeah sorry. I get lazy when typing on smartphones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I called you an asshole earlier. And while I am not convinced you're not...I can tell you are processing some really heavy and confusing emotions. Anger is understandable.

However, your date believe she is a woman. If you care about the person you got to know then honor that and use the preferred pronoun. It's not about being PC, it's beign respectful.

Put yourself in your date's shoes.
[/quote

Lol seriously? If I was a transgender woman I WOULD INFORM MY DATE ABOUT MY BIOLOGICAL GENDER BEFORE INTIMACY. Thae date deserves the right to make a decision as to whether or not they accept or reject your reality. in America you can't force me to accept you. If I want to be a hell burning bigot, I'm allowed to be that. If You think you are a woman, that's fine. Science is pretty clear though. Let me make that decision

[Anonymous]

I actually do appreciate that question. It's the first time I laughed all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I called you an asshole earlier. And while I am not convinced you're not...I can tell you are processing some really heavy and confusing emotions. Anger is understandable.

However, your date believe she is a woman. If you care about the person you got to know then honor that and use the preferred pronoun. It's not about being PC, it's beign respectful.

Put yourself in your date's shoes.
[/quote

Lol seriously? If I was a transgender woman I WOULD INFORM MY DATE ABOUT MY BIOLOGICAL GENDER BEFORE INTIMACY. Thae date deserves the right to make a decision as to whether or not they accept or reject your reality. in America you can't force me to accept you. If I want to be a hell burning bigot, I'm allowed to be that. If You think you are a woman, that's fine. Science is pretty clear though. Let me make that decision

My original assessment stands, I see.

Wish you and your date the best of luck in your separate paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so angry I don't even know what to do. This "woman" I have been seeing for thee past 3 months is actually a man. The only reason I found out is when we were about to get to "2nd base" this evening and he (she?) told me right before we got started (most likely because he had a dick). I blew up on him and almost slugged him, but I have too much to lose professionally for legal issues. He doesnt understand why I am so upset and said that he's a woman just like every other woman and I should respect that. He really does look like a woman, doesn't have a pronounced atoms apple, sounds feminine, and he has real looking breasts. I don't know if he's had surgery. I understand his point and I'm not against transgenders but I certainly don't want to be with one. I never thought I'd feel this way but actually I feel violated. It's really a total mind fuck right now. Does anyone know I have have any legal options- there are lots of lawyers on here right? What the hell do people do in this situation? I feel like posting his picture and putting it in all the bars so no one goes through this. I just needed to vent. I do not feel ready to talk to my friends about this yet.

Great reason for the "sex during third date" rule.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe she really "looked feminine"

I have yet to meet a transgender person who could truly pass themselves off completely. Plenty of giveaways, like an adam's apple, height, the huge difference in muscular structure and body shape between men and women...


If you really were attracted to "her" you might want to consider the possibility that you are bi, and be a bit more open minded. Clearly there was something in "her" male form that attracted you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can totally understand how upset you are (and FWIW, I'm a woman). I think your reactions, as they are happening immediate, are normal. Many people have wanted to 'out' someone they were dating when they found out they were married, or hit someone they found out was cheating on them. I don't think your reactions make you homophobic or bisexual. I do think you will calm down when you have some distance from the situation and give up ideas about 'outing' them publicly or legal action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe she really "looked feminine"

I have yet to meet a transgender person who could truly pass themselves off completely. Plenty of giveaways, like an adam's apple, height, the huge difference in muscular structure and body shape between men and women...


If you really were attracted to "her" you might want to consider the possibility that you are bi, and be a bit more open minded. Clearly there was something in "her" male form that attracted you.

[Anonymous]

But I thought transgender women WERE real women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe she really "looked feminine"

I have yet to meet a transgender person who could truly pass themselves off completely. Plenty of giveaways, like an adam's apple, height, the huge difference in muscular structure and body shape between men and women...


If you really were attracted to "her" you might want to consider the possibility that you are bi, and be a bit more open minded. Clearly there was something in "her" male form that attracted you.