I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

He would not want to have intimacy from someone who was biologically a male. There is a reason this transgender woman hid the truth of her status. It was to trick him into a relationship before learning the truth.

And again, how would it be different if a man lied to me about being single, even though I'm morally opposed to getting involved with a married man? What if a man lies to me about seeing long-term potential for us, knowing I'm opposed to fooling around casually? Do we want those situations to be actionable too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like your homophobic.

Look she lied by omission and that's wrong. Move on. You found out what you need to know about her and her character. Let the homophobic commentary go.

If not wanting to be tongued down by man when I am straight is homophobic then fine. Arguing homophobia is like going into a black hole.

That's what he said amirite?

[Anonymous]

You either have anger issues in general, or you're homophobic, or both.

We would ALL be upset in your situation, OP. Because she lied. But your anger goes beyond normal and is really too violent and unhealthy. So calm down. You're acting like a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call bullshit.

You have no idea how I wish that were true. It took me 6 hours just to get my thoughts down coherently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

This statement in bogus. My will is to date women. Straight is my sexual orientation. In any other bogus hypothetical example, I have still have free will. If it's a woman who is married, I can still date her. If she has an std, I can make that choice. If she has kids, is a murder, is wife of a crime boss, I still would have a choice. If she's a man and I'm not gay, I had no choice.

You have free will only if the other person is honest about being married, having an std, etc. just because you personally might be okay with these things doesn't mean everyone is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

He would not want to have intimacy from someone who was biologically a male. There is a reason this transgender woman hid the truth of her status. It was to trick him into a relationship before learning the truth.

And again, how would it be different if a man lied to me about being single, even though I'm morally opposed to getting involved with a married man? What if a man lies to me about seeing long-term potential for us, knowing I'm opposed to fooling around casually? Do we want those situations to be actionable too?

If a man lied to you for the express purpose of getting in your chonies wouldn't you feel a bit violated and like he did something that caused you to make a decision against your will, had you had all the facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call bullshit.

You have no idea how I wish that were true. It took me 6 hours just to get my thoughts down coherently.

Yeah. You're not all there. This isn't the huge deal you're making it out to be, OP. So you met a liar. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Not a woman here would have a problem with a woman fending off an unwanted sexual advance forcefully if necessary. He did not do that. He has understandable feelings of violation of trust and his person. That is not homophobia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

He would not want to have intimacy from someone who was biologically a male. There is a reason this transgender woman hid the truth of her status. It was to trick him into a relationship before learning the truth.

And again, how would it be different if a man lied to me about being single, even though I'm morally opposed to getting involved with a married man? What if a man lies to me about seeing long-term potential for us, knowing I'm opposed to fooling around casually? Do we want those situations to be actionable too?

If a man lied to you for the express purpose of getting in your chonies wouldn't you feel a bit violated and like he did something that caused you to make a decision against your will, had you had all the facts

I would feel violated if someone lied about something I cared about to get me to sleep with them, but I wouldn't look to lake legal action like OP wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call bullshit.

You have no idea how I wish that were true. It took me 6 hours just to get my thoughts down coherently.

Yeah. You're not all there. This isn't the huge deal you're making it out to be, OP. So you met a liar. Move on.

Stop that, PP, seriously. You're being unfair.

OP, your feelings are valid.

But it will be okay. You are feeling violated and disgusted right now. That will pass as you gain some perspective.

Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

OP you are right to feel violated, but take a deep breath and move on.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is that you only dated five times, which is within the reasonable number of times that a transgender would have to speak up. I don't think there's deceit involved here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a woman here would have a problem with a woman fending off an unwanted sexual advance forcefully if necessary. He did not do that. He has understandable feelings of violation of trust and his person. That is not homophobia.

This.

Also have a bit of compassion and empathy. This just happened, he feels violated and he is venting. If this were a female, the responses would be very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 months and just getting to 2nd base? There's the real problem

We have been on 5 dates. We both travel a lot for work so most of my getting to know her time was on the phone.

I have had a habit of moving too fast with women. This was the one time where I decided to let things slow down and play it out. Oddly, I do think he is a kind guy and feel bad that he has had to live life this way. But this is the second time it's happened to him. This means he's doing this on purpose. Why? If he keeps it up he's going to piss off the wrong dude.

FYI: you need to use female pronouns. It's a little confusing sometimes, I know, but you refer to people as they gender they present themselves as. If you were told that Laura in the Accounting Department at work used to be Larry, you'd refer to HER as Laura. You're not doing it now because you're mad at the transgender woman you were dating.

You are angry and feel violated because you were turned on by a guy. That makes you worry that you're gay. You're not gay. It was your body's physiological response to being stimulated. If a woman has an orgasm while she's being raped it doesn't mean she liked it - it means her body had a response. Like laughing when you're tickled even if you don't like being tickled.

Be upset for the weekend. Then move on with your life. You have no legal recourse at all, sorry. If you're truly secure in your sexuality, someday you will laugh to yourself about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You either have anger issues in general, or you're homophobic, or both.

We would ALL be upset in your situation, OP. Because she lied. But your anger goes beyond normal and is really too violent and unhealthy. So calm down. You're acting like a baby.

You guys and your labels.

I didn't hit him, I almost did. You would have too.
I am upset and I don't appreciate when homosexuals or transgender women deceive me. It almost feels like a form of rape, at least mentally. I actually was molested as a child so know what I'm fucking talking about.