I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this a few times, but it keeps getting deleted. It's a serious question. If you are born a man, and still have a penis, aren't you still a man? How do you become a woman just by saying you are a woman?

It's because if you are still asking this question in 2015, you have not bothered to really think through these issues and educate yourself. Or you are being deliberately obtuse so no one wants to waste their time explaining something to deaf ears.

if you had surgery to remove your genitals and reshape them into the genitals of the opposite sex, would you suddenly be a person of the opposite sex? No. You'd still be a man or a woman or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should watch The Crying Game...

I actually did see this movie (somewhat twisted love story) yesterday at the suggestion of previous posters. Fergus, while initially disgusted with Dil (I think thats her name) over being transgender , is ultimately not able to overcome his initial feelings. Where I can relate is that I do care about her well being (and don't want he to do this again). Where I can't relate is having any type of intimate feelings for her. It actually makes me sick to even think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed your childhood abuse with your therapist?

Yes over many years. I am at peace with it now. And the individual has been in jail for sometime now.

Good to hear. It just seems like this incident with the transgendered woman revived some old emotions.

BTW, what she did was awful but you should be able to move on. I would avoid contacting her even if it's to give her a piece of your mind. She's not worth it. She might get what's coming to her, although I hope she stops putting herself in these dangerous situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She should have told you earlier, and she is disingenious, to say the least, to act all surprised at your shock. Just because she things of herself as a woman, it doesn't mean others think so, and she should know that.

However, I am a little perturbed that you are so aggressive, and felt like hitting her or want to out her publicly. This shows you do have a bias against transgenders to some degree.

Solution. Be a gentleman: break it off politely and privately. Period.

Yes, this, exactly. She should have told you earlier. Break up with her.

I don't regret my initial feelings of wanting to clock her and out her. If anything, I'm proud I didn't follow through.

And if it's bias reject a transgender woman because she actually not a woman, then so be it. You can add it the existing list of things I've been called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this a few times, but it keeps getting deleted. It's a serious question. If you are born a man, and still have a penis, aren't you still a man? How do you become a woman just by saying you are a woman?

It's because if you are still asking this question in 2015, you have not bothered to really think through these issues and educate yourself. Or you are being deliberately obtuse so no one wants to waste their time explaining something to deaf ears.

if you had surgery to remove your genitals and reshape them into the genitals of the opposite sex, would you suddenly be a person of the opposite sex? No. You'd still be a man or a woman or whatever.

No, I wouldn't suddenly be a person of the opposite sex. This guy hasn't even gone that far and people are saying he is a person of the opposite sex. See my confusion?

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've asked this a few times, but it keeps getting deleted. It's a serious question. If you are born a man, and still have a penis, aren't you still a man? How do you become a woman just by saying you are a woman?

It's because if you are still asking this question in 2015, you have not bothered to really think through these issues and educate yourself. Or you are being deliberately obtuse so no one wants to waste their time explaining something to deaf ears.

if you had surgery to remove your genitals and reshape them into the genitals of the opposite sex, would you suddenly be a person of the opposite sex? No. You'd still be a man or a woman or whatever.

No, I wouldn't suddenly be a person of the opposite sex. This guy hasn't even gone that far and people are saying he is a person of the opposite sex. See my confusion?

It is precisely because I wanted to avoid posts like this that I deleted the earlier posts. The thread was not created to clear up your confusion. Find another place to do that. This thread is about the OP and his situation. The OP himself doesn't know whether the woman was pre or post operative and says it wouldn't make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Makes sense, but people here were getting angry that the OP kept saying "he" and insisted he say "she" when in fact "he" is correct.

I do think you should have been informed sooner, but it's not a reason to shame or write off this person. You don't have to continue a romantic relationship, but you don't need to be an asshole either.

[Anonymous]

Once OP cooled off he used the appropriate pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once OP cooled off he used the appropriate pronouns.

What is appropriate? He or She?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once OP cooled off he used the appropriate pronouns.

What is appropriate? He or She?

She. OP was a male dating a transgendered woman. He is heterosexual and was under the impression that she was a biological female due to her appearance and how she represented herself. It is best to refer to her as the gender she identifies with but in situations like this one the confusion with pronouns becomes (obviously) much more pronounced as the OP, essentially, had a problem with the fact that 'she' was not EXACTLY a 'she.' Not sure how to have these discussions with being respectful to everyone's feelings because OP's feelings revolve around her having been a 'him' but calling her a him is disrespectful to how she identifies. It is a conundrum.

[Anonymous]

Why did everyone assume the OP is a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did everyone assume the OP is a man?

Because he said he was not gay.

[Anonymous]

So some men really may be lesbians trapped in a woman's body...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So some men really may be lesbians trapped in a woman's body...

er man's body.

this thread has me all out of sorts

[Anonymous]

So if I identify as purple, I'm purple? Doesn't matter that I am not actually a different color?