Should a DW have to earn her role as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I am the "you have to earn it" poster. I hope it was obvious that i was joking. the crazy SAHM haters really get to me. I wish i could see them as "hilarious" but i see them as evil. And ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the "you have to earn it" poster. I hope it was obvious that i was joking. the crazy SAHM haters really get to me. I wish i could see them as "hilarious" but i see them as evil. And ignorant.

LOL. Well played.

I was half wondering if it was satire but there are so many vitriolic SAHM haters on here that it looked like just another post to me. It's sad when people sound so crazy that even satire of them seems 100% believable.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is some physical or mental disability that is preventing her from performing such duties, than I agree with you somewhat yet do not per say, agree with your wording on this.

If the husband goes to work and supports the family, and the wife doesn't work outside the home, then I think it is a fair assumption that she will perform certain daily household duties within the home such as cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry. However, I wouldn't necessarily say she is to perform these duties to earn her keep.

And I do not think it is fair to keep score on what she is or isn't doing.

Unless this was discussed pre-marriage, you cannot just assume things will be a certain way.

Also, if she truly does not want to do anything during the day, even care for the children, have you considered the possibility that she could be suffering from some form of depression? Not sure of the details, but it bears some looking into to.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Personally? Unless there are special needs children, or you have hundreds of millions of dollars, no reason to have either parent SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

It's not fair.

[Anonymous]

So thankful for my spouse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally? Unless there are special needs children, or you have hundreds of millions of dollars, no reason to have either parent SAH.

Cool then don't. Are you the person who decides what everyone else should do? Can you provide your contact info?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally? Unless there are special needs children, or you have hundreds of millions of dollars, no reason to have either parent SAH.

Cool then don't. Are you the person who decides what everyone else should do? Can you provide your contact info?

x2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the "you have to earn it" poster. I hope it was obvious that i was joking. the crazy SAHM haters really get to me. I wish i could see them as "hilarious" but i see them as evil. And ignorant.

LOL. Well played.

I was half wondering if it was satire but there are so many vitriolic SAHM haters on here that it looked like just another post to me. It's sad when people sound so crazy that even satire of them seems 100% believable.

Oh my god this is very disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:didn't read any of the responses, but most women I know have a hard time covering off your checklist when there's a baby in the mix, not sleeping through the night or lots of little ones. You are just toast.

I do cook. I do spend a lot of engaging time with my tot outside of the house in the mornings. I do nap for about 2 hrs with him. My kids get up at 5:30 and I'm dead tired so I need the nap, whereas DH sleeps solid and doesn't touch them at night. Also by 3:30 I'm on homework duty with older child and extracurricular run arounds. Little time to have a perfect looking home. DH acts like nothing gets done but honestly it's hard getting all that done. My 2hr nap would be nice not to do, but honestly, I need it. I barely sleep at night. I want to go back to work desperately but not until these children are solid at night.

For the hundred millionth time....no, plenty of women manage to do all of those things when they have a newborn and a young child. Many of them also hold down a job outside the house. It's just BS that you can't do laundry and cook and keep the house reasonably clean and have sex sometimes when you have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:didn't read any of the responses, but most women I know have a hard time covering off your checklist when there's a baby in the mix, not sleeping through the night or lots of little ones. You are just toast.

I do cook. I do spend a lot of engaging time with my tot outside of the house in the mornings. I do nap for about 2 hrs with him. My kids get up at 5:30 and I'm dead tired so I need the nap, whereas DH sleeps solid and doesn't touch them at night. Also by 3:30 I'm on homework duty with older child and extracurricular run arounds. Little time to have a perfect looking home. DH acts like nothing gets done but honestly it's hard getting all that done. My 2hr nap would be nice not to do, but honestly, I need it. I barely sleep at night. I want to go back to work desperately but not until these children are solid at night.

For the hundred millionth time....no, plenty of women manage to do all of those things when they have a newborn and a young child. Many of them also hold down a job outside the house. It's just BS that you can't do laundry and cook and keep the house reasonably clean and have sex sometimes when you have young kids.

I agree mostly, but I'm someone who has sex 4xs a week and often multiple times a day on the weekends which is pretty high for someone married 17yrs. When my kids were little babies and toddlers I had NO sex drive. None. I was exhausted and it killed my drive. I struggled to do it every 10 days. I'm thankful my DH did not put unrealistic expectations on me. He's quite happy now. All I needed was a good night sleep and enough rest to start back at the gym. Once that happened my drive cam roaring back, but it was a pretty dry couple of years there.

[Anonymous]

What was discussed before marriage, before she became a SAHM?

My Dh wanted me to SAH, I quit my job and sacrificed my career for his wishes. He really wanted me to be home when we decided to have kids. His job has long hours, is not flexible and involves travel. It was important to him for me to be home with the kids. We talked about it before marriage and I agreed.

So if I don't do the dishes or make sure the house is spotless, he can't really complain about it. He wanted me home with the kids and I do a fantastic job with them, but I am not "domestic" in the sense of cleaning and cooking. I do cook, but I don't meal plan or get that into it. I hate doing dishes, so he does them. I do my laundry and the kids' but he does his own. We hired a housekeeper to take care of the heavy cleaning and we both tidy up in between.

As long as you both discussed what you expected of one another than it shouldn't be an issue. But if you didn't discuss it before hand then you really ought to perhaps seek some counseling to help you communicate better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally? Unless there are special needs children, or you have hundreds of millions of dollars, no reason to have either parent SAH.

Cool then don't. Are you the person who decides what everyone else should do? Can you provide your contact info?

Hysterical! Are you a comedian?

Oh no, wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally? Unless there are special needs children, or you have hundreds of millions of dollars, no reason to have either parent SAH.

Cool then don't. Are you the person who decides what everyone else should do? Can you provide your contact info?

No, I will not provide my contact info. I was answering the question, "Should a DW have to earn her role as a SAHM?" Sorry you don't like my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:didn't read any of the responses, but most women I know have a hard time covering off your checklist when there's a baby in the mix, not sleeping through the night or lots of little ones. You are just toast.

I do cook. I do spend a lot of engaging time with my tot outside of the house in the mornings. I do nap for about 2 hrs with him. My kids get up at 5:30 and I'm dead tired so I need the nap, whereas DH sleeps solid and doesn't touch them at night. Also by 3:30 I'm on homework duty with older child and extracurricular run arounds. Little time to have a perfect looking home. DH acts like nothing gets done but honestly it's hard getting all that done. My 2hr nap would be nice not to do, but honestly, I need it. I barely sleep at night. I want to go back to work desperately but not until these children are solid at night.

For the hundred millionth time....no, plenty of women manage to do all of those things when they have a newborn and a young child. Many of them also hold down a job outside the house. It's just BS that you can't do laundry and cook and keep the house reasonably clean and have sex sometimes when you have young kids.

I agree mostly, but I'm someone who has sex 4xs a week and often multiple times a day on the weekends which is pretty high for someone married 17yrs. When my kids were little babies and toddlers I had NO sex drive. None. I was exhausted and it killed my drive. I struggled to do it every 10 days. I'm thankful my DH did not put unrealistic expectations on me. He's quite happy now. All I needed was a good night sleep and enough rest to start back at the gym. Once that happened my drive cam roaring back, but it was a pretty dry couple of years there.

But the solution is not to give up your paid job so you can be less tired and have more sex.