Should a DW have to earn her role as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

[Anonymous]

Shit. What IS she willing to do? Depressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

Fair? I think you just married an unmotivated loser. She'd be a loser in a paying job and she's a loser in her unpaid job now.

[Anonymous]

Is this the OP from the money and finance topic "at a crossroads with partner". If not, that thread has the information/opinions you are looking for

[Anonymous]

I think your view is kind of simplistic. Of course she should be doing these things, but have you had a conversation with her as to why they're not getting done? It's not like if you decide she's not doing a good enough job you can simply deposit her in a job.

Also, what does sex (which is what I assume you were referring to with the "roommate" comment) have to do with SAHM status? Does she owe you sex because you "let" her stay home?

[Anonymous]

How many hours per day is she doing anything related to or with kids or home and not just indulging in "me time"? This includes bath time playing buying them clothes snack time groceries driving them places or walking them picking up their toys their laundry planning doctor appointments giving away their old clothes to goodwill or whatever organizing photo albums planning family or kid activities and outings birthday parties etc. how many kids? Any other obligations like aging parents?

[Anonymous]

She only has to do what is agreed upon in the relationship. I married a man who wanted a SAHM, someone fully attentive to our son and home. I gave up a career. Before marrying him, I had my own housekeeper, etc. When we married, he said, "I don't care who does the laundry (housekeeper or you), but I'm not doing it." So, having said that, I'm not as bad as the OP mentions, but we have someone who cooks, cleans and does the crap neither of us want to do. We have a very loving happy marriage. We do have lots of sex, so maybe that is the difference

[Anonymous]

It depends on your situation. If there is enough money to support a household staff, nannies, etc, then it could work. Many people live happily like this, and the non-working spouse can volunteer and find many worthwhile occupations instead of doing chores.

However if the working spouse feels used and put upon, then both need to revisit the arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Too funny! I am a SAHM who does all those things, but my DH keeps suggesting that I hire a full time housekeeper so I have more free time. I ask him what my role would be then?

[Anonymous]

no, she doesn't owe sex to earn SAHM status.

sex is part of just basic "wife" status, regardless of her day job.

that goes both ways too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

Dangerous territory there....

[Anonymous]

No woman wants to have sex if their partner is sexually inapt. Just saying!

[Anonymous]

Should you have to interview for you to have her children for you?

[Anonymous]

You need to do some math. Will it be more expensive to get a divorce, OP. She will get the kids and you will be paying support. You will pay support and a bit of alimony (she bamboozled you into not working so she can claim that she needs the money to retrain/re-enter). You will have a down shift of lifestyle, but honestly, the kids may end up with you when they get older if your wife is really out of it and phoning it in (kids realize this as teens a lot).

It's really a question of math, OP. Because you're marriage is dunzo anyway (since there seems to be no love there on either side). If you need to white knuckle it and leave the second the youngest is in school, look into what alimony looks like there.

Also, get a vasectomy. No more kids with a person who isn't committed to being a partner.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't WANT to do any of those things but I do them anyways.
It's 950 am, I have a 2 and 4 year old. So far (since 630 am)
I have
Gotten them up, dressed, fed, changed and trimmed both of their hair, cut nails
Played outside for 30 minutes digging in their little garden. Cleaned them up from that
Put laundry in, folded and put away laundry
Prepped food and put in crockpot for dinner
Did 3 puzzles, practiced writing and reading 3 letter words with older one, DEF with younger one (tracing) and counting. Older child now sitting and doing number stickers (on his pants)
Do I pass?