Should a DW have to earn her role as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't WANT to do any of those things but I do them anyways.
It's 950 am, I have a 2 and 4 year old. So far (since 630 am)
I have
Gotten them up, dressed, fed, changed and trimmed both of their hair, cut nails
Played outside for 30 minutes digging in their little garden. Cleaned them up from that
Put laundry in, folded and put away laundry
Prepped food and put in crockpot for dinner
Did 3 puzzles, practiced writing and reading 3 letter words with older one, DEF with younger one (tracing) and counting. Older child now sitting and doing number stickers (on his pants)
Do I pass?

No. Why are you teaching your child to read and making him practice. Leave him alone. You are intrusive and it can hurt your child's education. Sounds like maybe you need to go outside and dig in the frozen earth to get your own energy out. Maybe with a chisel and mallet or a chain saw you can carve out a swan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't WANT to do any of those things but I do them anyways.
It's 950 am, I have a 2 and 4 year old. So far (since 630 am)
I have
Gotten them up, dressed, fed, changed and trimmed both of their hair, cut nails
Played outside for 30 minutes digging in their little garden. Cleaned them up from that
Put laundry in, folded and put away laundry
Prepped food and put in crockpot for dinner
Did 3 puzzles, practiced writing and reading 3 letter words with older one, DEF with younger one (tracing) and counting. Older child now sitting and doing number stickers (on his pants)
Do I pass?

No. Why are you teaching your child to read and making him practice. Leave him alone. You are intrusive and it can hurt your child's education. Sounds like maybe you need to go outside and dig in the frozen earth to get your own energy out. Maybe with a chisel and mallet or a chain saw you can carve out a swan.

We did a beautiful Venus statue with wood tools we carved ourselves. Just gorgeous! A swan is a lovely idea, too, thank you for the suggestion

[Anonymous]

You need to do some math. Will it be more expensive to get a divorce, OP. She will get the kids and you will be paying support. You will pay support and a bit of alimony (she bamboozled you into not working so she can claim that she needs the money to retrain/re-enter). You will have a down shift of lifestyle, but honestly, the kids may end up with you when they get older if your wife is really out of it and phoning it in (kids realize this as teens a lot).

It's really a question of math, OP. Because you're marriage is dunzo anyway (since there seems to be no love there on either side). If you need to white knuckle it and leave the second the youngest is in school, look into what alimony looks like there.

Also, get a vasectomy. No more kids with a person who isn't committed to being a partner.

This is literally the best advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You need to do some math. Will it be more expensive to get a divorce, OP. She will get the kids and you will be paying support. You will pay support and a bit of alimony (she bamboozled you into not working so she can claim that she needs the money to retrain/re-enter). You will have a down shift of lifestyle, but honestly, the kids may end up with you when they get older if your wife is really out of it and phoning it in (kids realize this as teens a lot).

It's really a question of math, OP. Because you're marriage is dunzo anyway (since there seems to be no love there on either side). If you need to white knuckle it and leave the second the youngest is in school, look into what alimony looks like there.

Also, get a vasectomy. No more kids with a person who isn't committed to being a partner.

This is literally the best advice.

OP here..

Lol.. Why get a vasectomy... If I have not had sex with her in over 10 years?

I could describe more of my situation but I do not want to be identified..

[Anonymous]

OP why not get a divorce? If it's the kids, start getting your ducks in a row to leave when they do. What's keeping you married right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't WANT to do any of those things but I do them anyways.
It's 950 am, I have a 2 and 4 year old. So far (since 630 am)
I have
Gotten them up, dressed, fed, changed and trimmed both of their hair, cut nails
Played outside for 30 minutes digging in their little garden. Cleaned them up from that
Put laundry in, folded and put away laundry
Prepped food and put in crockpot for dinner
Did 3 puzzles, practiced writing and reading 3 letter words with older one, DEF with younger one (tracing) and counting. Older child now sitting and doing number stickers (on his pants)
Do I pass?

You guys played outside today? it is totally freezing!

I noticed that too; you sound amazing but digging in their garden this morning? What were you doing, explaining the concept of permafrost? Are you not in the DC area, by any chance?

This was my parenting strategy - wear them out. If they didn't melt in their beds, I didn't run them around enough.

[Anonymous]

If the OP has gone without sex for ten years, then why divorce now? His kids must be middle or high schoolers now, so the light is at the end of the tunnel. Plan to divorce when the youngest is 18. In the meantime, find a girlfriend. Keep it on the downlow and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no she doesn't have to earn her keep. This is not about he cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Most households share these responsibilities at some level no matter who works or goes to school. You have a different issue altogether. Why is your wife still in bed when the children are leaving for school? This is the root of all the rest of your issues. You and she need to figure that one out.

I does look like she could use an evaluation from a doctor, someone she trusts. Please go with her.

Then to a therapist.

Something is very broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

You call this the ex.

[Anonymous]

didn't read any of the responses, but most women I know have a hard time covering off your checklist when there's a baby in the mix, not sleeping through the night or lots of little ones. You are just toast.

I do cook. I do spend a lot of engaging time with my tot outside of the house in the mornings. I do nap for about 2 hrs with him. My kids get up at 5:30 and I'm dead tired so I need the nap, whereas DH sleeps solid and doesn't touch them at night. Also by 3:30 I'm on homework duty with older child and extracurricular run arounds. Little time to have a perfect looking home. DH acts like nothing gets done but honestly it's hard getting all that done. My 2hr nap would be nice not to do, but honestly, I need it. I barely sleep at night. I want to go back to work desperately but not until these children are solid at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the OP has gone without sex for ten years, then why divorce now? His kids must be middle or high schoolers now, so the light is at the end of the tunnel. Plan to divorce when the youngest is 18. In the meantime, find a girlfriend. Keep it on the downlow and you'll be fine.

No, that just gives the wife Saint Cheated-Upon status if the affair is discovered. Also, what kind of woman is going to actually agree to this sort of arrangement?

[Anonymous]

Why should she have to agree to the arrangement, pp?

If she doesn't do anything around the house while the kids are at school all day (OP said they haven't had sex in a decade, so no babies) and they aren't intimate, why not have an affair on the downlow? He can keep it a secret.

Why divorce, miss seeing your kids, worry about them when they are with her (is she feeding them? Doing their laundry?), and pay child support? Once the youngest turns 18 and heads to college, he won't owe her child support. Split the house and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't WANT to do any of those things but I do them anyways.
It's 950 am, I have a 2 and 4 year old. So far (since 630 am)
I have
Gotten them up, dressed, fed, changed and trimmed both of their hair, cut nails
Played outside for 30 minutes digging in their little garden. Cleaned them up from that
Put laundry in, folded and put away laundry
Prepped food and put in crockpot for dinner
Did 3 puzzles, practiced writing and reading 3 letter words with older one, DEF with younger one (tracing) and counting. Older child now sitting and doing number stickers (on his pants)
Do I pass?

No! You have to *want* to do Ms. Perfect Mom. I don't see where you sexually satisfied your husband - wtf? And you haven't cleaned the kitchen. You sound entitled and spoiled. You probably took a shower with the door closed while your kids were napping. So you are also selfish. No you don't "deserve" to be a SAHM. You have to earn it. Get a job and contribute you lazy princess.

[Anonymous]

^Lol. There are so many crazies on this thread with hateful vendettas against SAHM. The craziness level is kind of hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Lol. There are so many crazies on this thread with hateful vendettas against SAHM. The craziness level is kind of hilarious.

The funniest thing is that I'm not a typical SAHM (I posted about my morning that everyone is responding to). As I said previously I work 5 12 hour shifts monthly in Emergency Medicine. Many of us do so with young kids!