Should a DW have to earn her role as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of the kids....she is not a SAHM.

Your job is to go to work, make money, and provide food/shelter for your family. Her job is to take care of the home/kids. If she doesn't want to do those things, then she should be working FT to help pay for a maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that a DW should earn her role as a SAHM?

If she does not want to cook.
If she does not want to clean.
If she does not want to be more than a roommate.
If she does not want to get up and get the kids off at school.
If she does not want to do laundry.

Do you think that it is fair that she wants to go be a Stay At Home Mom?

I think yes if:
She works out a lot.
She has an amazing body even without working out.

You missed the roommate part. What good is an amazing body in a sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

OP, a SAHP doesn't have to earn anything. If you don't like it, you can get a divorce and pay child support and a limited amount of alimony.

I actually have friends who sat tight in marriages until the kids went to college for this reason. They just decided it wasn't worth living apart and dealing with child custody issues in a divorce and just filed when the youngest was in college. Every ex was a full time SAHP and claimed they were blind sided by the whole thing. The guys all paid their alimony dutifully and are giving up a large chunk of retirement but they seem happier and healthier than they were before.

I have no clue how the kids as adults handled things. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG... SAHM are so incredibly sad. You do realize that no matter how much you bitch and moan, some women will continue to SAHM and their husbands will support them? Right?

I don't know, I'm pretty darn happy and I feel so lucky that we can afford for me to stay at home. Most of my working friends wish they could stay home to raise their kids. And BTW, I don't clean, we have a person to do that. But I LOVE cooking fancy meals and having time to seriously train. I also love that I can spread all the week/weekend chores throughout the week. For example, I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, back to school shopping, pickup drycleaning, etc, etc. and some weekend meals during the week. When the weekend comes, we can do anything we want as a family without having to worry about chores. The whole family goes to plays, museums, games, without any hurry or worry. My husband loves coming home and just hanging out with the kids, really spending time with them. Then, when they go to bed, we have nothing to do but hang out, drink a glass of wine and relax.

So you're staying home to raise your kids, or to "seriously train" and read recipes?

If what you describe were my life, I'd be bored to tears.

NP here. I missed the part where someone was asking you to switch lives with PP. How awkward! I would be bored to tears switching lives with most people I know, so that must be very strange for you. In fact, I was bored to tears with practicing law, so now I SAH and enjoy my life. If you are happier taking a different path, I think that's fantastic too. But whenever anyone on either side of an argument sounds as bitter as you do, it strongly suggests that her feelings on the issue are not quite as simple as she portrays them to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG... SAHM are so incredibly sad. You do realize that no matter how much you bitch and moan, some women will continue to SAHM and their husbands will support them? Right?

I don't know, I'm pretty darn happy and I feel so lucky that we can afford for me to stay at home. Most of my working friends wish they could stay home to raise their kids. And BTW, I don't clean, we have a person to do that. But I LOVE cooking fancy meals and having time to seriously train. I also love that I can spread all the week/weekend chores throughout the week. For example, I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, back to school shopping, pickup drycleaning, etc, etc. and some weekend meals during the week. When the weekend comes, we can do anything we want as a family without having to worry about chores. The whole family goes to plays, museums, games, without any hurry or worry. My husband loves coming home and just hanging out with the kids, really spending time with them. Then, when they go to bed, we have nothing to do but hang out, drink a glass of wine and relax.

So you're staying home to raise your kids, or to "seriously train" and read recipes?

If what you describe were my life, I'd be bored to tears.

NP here. I missed the part where someone was asking you to switch lives with PP. How awkward! I would be bored to tears switching lives with most people I know, so that must be very strange for you. In fact, I was bored to tears with practicing law, so now I SAH and enjoy my life. If you are happier taking a different path, I think that's fantastic too. But whenever anyone on either side of an argument sounds as bitter as you do, it strongly suggests that her feelings on the issue are not quite as simple as she portrays them to be.[/quote
I feel like there's a point in there, but you write so poorly (while trying to sound over-the-top intellectual) that I can't glean what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG... SAHM are so incredibly sad. You do realize that no matter how much you bitch and moan, some women will continue to SAHM and their husbands will support them? Right?

I don't know, I'm pretty darn happy and I feel so lucky that we can afford for me to stay at home. Most of my working friends wish they could stay home to raise their kids. And BTW, I don't clean, we have a person to do that. But I LOVE cooking fancy meals and having time to seriously train. I also love that I can spread all the week/weekend chores throughout the week. For example, I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, back to school shopping, pickup drycleaning, etc, etc. and some weekend meals during the week. When the weekend comes, we can do anything we want as a family without having to worry about chores. The whole family goes to plays, museums, games, without any hurry or worry. My husband loves coming home and just hanging out with the kids, really spending time with them. Then, when they go to bed, we have nothing to do but hang out, drink a glass of wine and relax.

So you're staying home to raise your kids, or to "seriously train" and read recipes?

If what you describe were my life, I'd be bored to tears.

NP here. I missed the part where someone was asking you to switch lives with PP. How awkward! I would be bored to tears switching lives with most people I know, so that must be very strange for you. In fact, I was bored to tears with practicing law, so now I SAH and enjoy my life. If you are happier taking a different path, I think that's fantastic too. But whenever anyone on either side of an argument sounds as bitter as you do, it strongly suggests that her feelings on the issue are not quite as simple as she portrays them to be.[/quote
I feel like there's a point in there, but you write so poorly (while trying to sound over-the-top intellectual) that I can't glean what it is.

NP here and you clearly don't get it. But that's on you Sherlock. I got it just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of the kids....she is not a SAHM.

Your job is to go to work, make money, and provide food/shelter for your family. Her job is to take care of the home/kids. If she doesn't want to do those things, then she should be working FT to help pay for a maid.

Agreed. If you are a SAHP your job is to care for the children and run the household. I'm not saying that the house has to be spotless or the meals perfect but the SAHP needs to put forth some effort in this area. If the SAHP's household has enough money to pay for a housekeeper that's great but their primary role should still be to care for the children and manage the home.

OP, if your wife is not depressed or physically ill than she's lazy and entitled and you have every right to want out of the marriage. If my husband behaved the way your wife is and nothing changed in spite of counseling, etc. I'd figure out a way to get out.