I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

I don't give a crap how many people someone else has been with as long as they are open and honest with me in terms of where we stand. Without honesty, nothing else works. For OP's sake, I hope she had a good conversation with #1 and if she is really interested in seeing where it can go, they both decided to do so. I would never wish anything less for two people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

The "next level," in my opinion, is exclusive dating. There's nothing to deny to Guy 1. Yes, she's dating other people. If that's a deal breaker for him, they can either quit dating or become exclusive.

Believe it or not, adults can have casual sexual encounters or relationships and it is not the end of the world. It's foolish to generalize and say that "women fuck people arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like," because not all women behave the same way, and neither do all men. And different people do things differently at different times in their lives.

Rushing a physical relationship often isn't a good idea if you're interested in a long-term relationship. BOTH men and women sometimes say, "I really like this guy/girl and don't want to mess it up, so we're taking it slow." Although there are plenty of great relationships that start off with a one-night stand, general dating etiquette is to wait if you're looking for something long-term.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I had sex the first time we hung out. Worked for me!

[Anonymous]

Update, OP?

[Anonymous]

op is trying to justify her slutty was by being around a guy she wants to go slow with.

she is a doormat and likes that. if she wanted a guy like #1 she woudl have stuck with him and not put out with the ass hole guys.

Classic pattern, she wants to think she likes a stable conservative guy but in relaity she thrives under the control of an asshole and being his F** toy

she can't handle a real relationship she feels appreciated by beign used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I had sex the first time we hung out. Worked for me!

Exactly. When women "hold out" for the guy they "like" while sleeping with other guys during that same course of time, the "hold out" guy is the shmuck.
Not saying casual sex or dating is wrong, but ladies, please don't pretend to define the meaning of fucking the guy you don't want (for LTR) any more than how you'd tear guys apart for doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op is trying to justify her slutty was by being around a guy she wants to go slow with.

she is a doormat and likes that. if she wanted a guy like #1 she woudl have stuck with him and not put out with the ass hole guys.

Classic pattern, she wants to think she likes a stable conservative guy but in relaity she thrives under the control of an asshole and being his F** toy

she can't handle a real relationship she feels appreciated by beign used.

Harsh description, but truth. Guy #1 will also get the vanilla sex, if he sticks around.
Guy #2 will still be around, somewhere, for when she needs to let her wild side get some action.
Guy #3 was probably just a mistake, but still got more action than guy #1.

No matter the spin, guy 1 is the chump.

[Anonymous]

Is someone on this thread implying that WOMEN have more sexual freedom than men? That a man is not allowed to have casual relationships but it's fine for a woman?

In what parallel universe is this happening? Because it certainly isn't true in the United States. I'm still waiting for the day when the standards are the same.

[Anonymous]

That double standard is in your head, PP. Guys are free to make decisions about casual sex. If a woman doesn't like that, she can find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That double standard is in your head, PP. Guys are free to make decisions about casual sex. If a woman doesn't like that, she can find someone else.

Yes. In general, people who can't get over the fact that others have a sexual history probably shouldn't date anyone who has a sexual history. My beef is with people who have a sexual history but can't get past the fact that their partners do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I had sex the first time we hung out. Worked for me!

Exactly. When women "hold out" for the guy they "like" while sleeping with other guys during that same course of time, the "hold out" guy is the shmuck.
Not saying casual sex or dating is wrong, but ladies, please don't pretend to define the meaning of fucking the guy you don't want (for LTR) any more than how you'd tear guys apart for doing the same.

+1 this is why anyone who does what OP did, is WRONG. Doesn't matter if it's male or female, the actions are wrong.
She doesn't get a pass because she is female. Her behavior makes all women look bad, because men continue to categorize all women as sleeping with A$$holes while making the nice guys wait. Simply NOT true.

I'd be just as outraged if OP was a male. And yes, men would be stereotyped for that behavior as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

You don't get to dictate who she has sex with. She's a grown woman and is capable of making that choice for herself. If you don't like it, find someone who has your preferred qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

You don't get to dictate who she has sex with. She's a grown woman and is capable of making that choice for herself. If you don't like it, find someone who has your preferred qualities.

No, but we're free to say OP is sort of silly and/or that she isn't acting like someone all that interested in a LTR (which includes sex, right?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Guy 1 was so great, why didn't OP reduce the potential drama and ditch Guys 2 and 3 to focus on Guy 1?

OP, you're ready for the appearance of settling down, not the reality.

OMG seriously? Because they're JUST DATING. In the age of internet dating, it is NORMAL for people to be corresponding/meeting/dating multiple people, and to become exclusive only when both parties are on board. As someone mentioned, it is feast or famine when you're dating, and OP said she'd been in a long dry spell. It's foolish to shut down all your options prematurely. More power to anyone who's having fun while they're dating; so many of us find dating to be painful and frustrating.

I agree that now it sounds like she's realized that she prefers Guy 1, so hopefully he's on board with taking their relationship to the next level.

GL, OP.

If you claim to want an exclusive relationship, you need to, well, act like it?