dating as a 40+ single mom

[Anonymous]

RHinVA wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is always easy anywhere for women to meet men. Let's be serious here. If you go online, you will find them.

Written by a man...

sure, but how is this not the truth??

It's true if she's of better than average attractiveness. it's not true if she's not.

expectations need to be commensurate with degree of attractiveness. it's when expectations and desires are wildly off base that women end up so frustrated and racked with despondency.

This. If a woman is "average" then she has to lower the bar a bit. Same for guys. But an "average" woman in her 40s may have to accept that pudgy, balding men in their 40s are her equivalent. Sure, you can aim higher. But if you consistently have the bar too high, you're going to feel like there's Nobody Out There.

As I have posted before, why is balding considered an insult? I am in very good shape, funny, and highly active. Yes, my hair is not what it used to be but that's not my fault.

I think that's from hair restoration companies. Balding guys, especially the ones with shaved heads are HOT!

The only people I ever hear talking about hair are men. Possibly working for hair restoration companies.

Bald is HOT. I personally love it, esp with facial hair. Here is proof of my hypothesis:

Jason Statham is bald and he dates Victoria Secrets models.

[Anonymous]

Bald and fit hot.

Bald and pudgy better come with genius intellect or killer wit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bald and fit hot.

Bald and pudgy better come with genius intellect or killer wit.

Thinking of getting a hair transplant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bald and fit hot.

Bald and pudgy better come with genius intellect or killer wit.

Thinking of getting a hair transplant.

Bald and confident is way better than hair transplant.
Bald and pudgy is better than a transplant too, with confidence and a twinkle in the eye.
I never had an issue with baldness, even when I was young and hot.
Don't get a hair transplant!

[Anonymous]

7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

I think you are correct but i am trying to figure out why. I am a very attractive divorced 40 year old with two children. I am on two online dating sites and am surprised that 40 something divorced dads with children have little interest in dating another 40 year old. They seem to want younger and honestly i dont understand it. I have been seeing a 40 year old divorced dad of two children for a few weeks. I like him but wonder if he will start searching for someone younger who has less baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

I think you are correct but i am trying to figure out why. I am a very attractive divorced 40 year old with two children. I am on two online dating sites and am surprised that 40 something divorced dads with children have little interest in dating another 40 year old. They seem to want younger and honestly i dont understand it. I have been seeing a 40 year old divorced dad of two children for a few weeks. I like him but wonder if he will start searching for someone younger who has less baggage.

Maybe these dads have less baggage because they have less of the burden of child care?
I know this is awful but I have a bias towards divorced dads since reading so much DCUM.
It seems to take a lot for a woman with children to divorce their husband so I imagine that lots of these guys are just the type to frown and say "I thought you were younger".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

I haven't noticed this, but I go for guys 10+ years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

Did this guy have kids of his own? Maybe that's part of the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

I think you are correct but i am trying to figure out why. I am a very attractive divorced 40 year old with two children. I am on two online dating sites and am surprised that 40 something divorced dads with children have little interest in dating another 40 year old. They seem to want younger and honestly i dont understand it. I have been seeing a 40 year old divorced dad of two children for a few weeks. I like him but wonder if he will start searching for someone younger who has less baggage.

PP here - but he has the same "baggage" you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

Did this guy have kids of his own? Maybe that's part of the issue?

I'm the PP @14:40. The first quote pretty much describes me. I am mid-forties and look about 5-10 years younger (regularly get mistaken for such) and actually tried dating a few single women in their 20s. It was a complete non-starter - we ran out of conversation very quickly and I felt like a creepy old fool. Three of the women I best connected with while I was divorced were +/- 5 years of me. That included one who was 4 years older. Unfortunately, they were also outside of realistic childbearing years (at least without significant medical intervention; one my age found a sperm AND egg donor and got pregnant).

I think, in addition to not wanting the baggage of another man's children, many men still want to start a family, and because biology is unfair, and we can, we do pursue the option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:29 here. Guys I know in their 40s don't necessarily want20 yr olds, but definitely under 35. I can pass for mid thirties and they are surprised when I tell them my age, one even said he didn't realize I was that old with a frown .

Did this guy have kids of his own? Maybe that's part of the issue?

I'm the PP @14:40. The first quote pretty much describes me. I am mid-forties and look about 5-10 years younger (regularly get mistaken for such) and actually tried dating a few single women in their 20s. It was a complete non-starter - we ran out of conversation very quickly and I felt like a creepy old fool. Three of the women I best connected with while I was divorced were +/- 5 years of me. That included one who was 4 years older. Unfortunately, they were also outside of realistic childbearing years (at least without significant medical intervention; one my age found a sperm AND egg donor and got pregnant).

I think, in addition to not wanting the baggage of another man's children, many men still want to start a family, and because biology is unfair, and we can, we do pursue the option.

Would you say that's more applicable to 40+ men who are still single (as in, never married and don't have kits yet)? Because I thought that some divorced 40+ dads may simply not want any more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you say that's more applicable to 40+ men who are still single (as in, never married and don't have kits yet)? Because I thought that some divorced 40+ dads may simply not want any more children.

I wouldn't - in fact, I think single fathers are a whole different kettle of fish because they already have children:

- they don't (necessarily) want more children
- they have children of their own so their lifestyle is already 'adjusted' to including children
- they have children of their own so they understand better what "being a parent means"
- they aren't as susceptible to power-plays where the child's needs are used as a shield/weapon

In short: they are a real peer/equal and better suited to understand where you are coming from.

And all that is just addressing single men 40+. That doesn't get to "never married". Which is a whole 'nother issue. I believe 40+, man or woman, never married, where married == no long term (>5 year + cohabitation) relationship, is a red flag. They are that way for a reason...maybe good, maybe not, whatever...there is a reason. It may be a positive, self-affirming conscious decision, or a trail of self-sabotaged relationship wreckage...doesn't matter And I think that is generally due to a fear of commitment/intimacy of a type that makes joining a family even scarier than just joining a single partner. Of course, there may be a Shrek or two out there - overlooked diamonds with rough exteriors - where no previous woman has seen the value in the guy, but I thing those are super-rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't - in fact, I think single fathers are a whole different kettle of fish because they already have children:

would not wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Post divorce, in my mid 30s, about half of the men I dated wanted to have more children. I was ambivalent about having more, but am now certain that even if I could (I'm early 40s), I don't want to. The problem is that many men in their 40s who aren't searching for a fertile womb, also don't want to a woman with kids. My current partner likes my kids but has made it clear he is uninterested in step-parenting. We're all cool with it, but I'm sure a different guy could be a jerk about it. In a pinch my guy would pick up my little one from school and take care of her until I get home, but I'd never ask him to on a regular basis. Yet, he informally coaches her sport and will explain a math problem to her without any prompting or pleading.