dating as a 40+ single mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

this has been my experience. i'm 30, single with a child, and most guys i've met have been unfazed. my guy friends probably never imagined falling for a single mom, but some have and married them. what mattered first and foremost was the physical attraction. i believe its because guys are usually not looking for a relationship, but sex. so they pursue attractive women, for sex, then get emotionally attached over time. i think it's different online, because people can weed out thinks like "has kids" before seeing your profile. guys are really simple. if they are attracted to you, they go for it because they're not thinking about the long term (initially) anyway.

[Anonymous]

People say one thing and mean another. Yes, we know that men marry single moms, but dealing with a child who is not your own and then having the child's father as part of the picture is never easy. And I disagree that men look for sex first (generalize much?). It's an overall package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People say one thing and mean another. Yes, we know that men marry single moms, but dealing with a child who is not your own and then having the child's father as part of the picture is never easy. And I disagree that men look for sex first (generalize much?). It's an overall package.

Marrying a woman with parents you don't like isn't easy.
Marrying a woman who works long hours and is tired by the time she gets home isn't easy.
Marrying a woman who stays at home with the kids and doesn't want to be touched at night, because she's been "on" all day isn't easy.
Marrying a woman with a low sex drive isn't easy.

But men do anyway all of the time. My point is that men usually are attracted to a woman, then start liking her, then they love her, and at that point they just want to make that woman happy. That usually means marriage and taking on whatever comes with the package (kids, high maintenance attitude, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People say one thing and mean another. Yes, we know that men marry single moms, but dealing with a child who is not your own and then having the child's father as part of the picture is never easy. And I disagree that men look for sex first (generalize much?). It's an overall package.

Marrying a woman with parents you don't like isn't easy.
Marrying a woman who works long hours and is tired by the time she gets home isn't easy.
Marrying a woman who stays at home with the kids and doesn't want to be touched at night, because she's been "on" all day isn't easy.
Marrying a woman with a low sex drive isn't easy.

But men do anyway all of the time. My point is that men usually are attracted to a woman, then start liking her, then they love her, and at that point they just want to make that woman happy. That usually means marriage and taking on whatever comes with the package (kids, high maintenance attitude, etc).

I hear you but what you list is a LOT different than starting a marriage with children involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

this has been my experience. i'm 30, single with a child, and most guys i've met have been unfazed. my guy friends probably never imagined falling for a single mom, but some have and married them. what mattered first and foremost was the physical attraction. i believe its because guys are usually not looking for a relationship, but sex. so they pursue attractive women, for sex, then get emotionally attached over time. i think it's different online, because people can weed out thinks like "has kids" before seeing your profile. guys are really simple. if they are attracted to you, they go for it because they're not thinking about the long term (initially) anyway.

38 old male here and I agree completely with these sentiments, especially the bolded part. I dated single moms when I was in my 20s. Didn't faze me, although making a long term commitment would have been a bit more of an issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad my guy loves me for who I am, instead of who I'm not.

The value-assigning PPs need to do a little growing up. I don't think they grasp the need for maturity to do the work of sustaining a relationship. That value shit went out of style a few decades ago.

How could your guy love you for "who you are not"? If you are not that, then how could he love it, as it is not there. This post makes no sense. You can hope that men will mature all you want, the vast majority never will to woman's expectations and will always value physical attractiveness as their primary driver. Sorry, them are the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

this has been my experience. i'm 30, single with a child, and most guys i've met have been unfazed. my guy friends probably never imagined falling for a single mom, but some have and married them. what mattered first and foremost was the physical attraction. i believe its because guys are usually not looking for a relationship, but sex. so they pursue attractive women, for sex, then get emotionally attached over time. i think it's different online, because people can weed out thinks like "has kids" before seeing your profile. guys are really simple. if they are attracted to you, they go for it because they're not thinking about the long term (initially) anyway.

38 old male here and I agree completely with these sentiments, especially the bolded part. I dated single moms when I was in my 20s. Didn't faze me, although making a long term commitment would have been a bit more of an issue

This. No problem having sex with them but a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

EVERY human is programmed this way. It's not just men. Even the biggest stud in DC is going to meet women who are interested in him because they don't find him physically attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

EVERY human is programmed this way. It's not just men. Even the biggest stud in DC is going to meet women who are interested in him because they don't find him physically attractive.

+1

For us women, physical attractiveness is the number one thing too at least it is for me. Of course not being psycho and having a brain are important too. But without that initial spark, it's a friendship, nothing more.

Luckily, both men and women are attracted to all different physical types. I'm tall, blonde and thin and fit the western ideal pretty closely. But, back when I was single, I had men I was interested in ditch me for short, fat, older women. Obviously, that's what floated the guy's boat. It's good that we all don't for for the same type or very few of us would manage to pair off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

EVERY human is programmed this way. It's not just men. Even the biggest stud in DC is going to meet women who are interested in him because they don't find him physically attractive.

+1

For us women, physical attractiveness is the number one thing too at least it is for me. Of course not being psycho and having a brain are important too. But without that initial spark, it's a friendship, nothing more.

Luckily, both men and women are attracted to all different physical types. I'm tall, blonde and thin and fit the western ideal pretty closely. But, back when I was single, I had men I was interested in ditch me for short, fat, older women. Obviously, that's what floated the guy's boat. It's good that we all don't for for the same type or very few of us would manage to pair off.

Yup. I like curvy, Italian and Jewish women with wavy hair (glasses are also a +). A supermodel could walk by and it would do nothing for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad my guy loves me for who I am, instead of who I'm not.

The value-assigning PPs need to do a little growing up. I don't think they grasp the need for maturity to do the work of sustaining a relationship. That value shit went out of style a few decades ago.

How could your guy love you for "who you are not"? If you are not that, then how could he love it, as it is not there. This post makes no sense. You can hope that men will mature all you want, the vast majority never will to woman's expectations and will always value physical attractiveness as their primary driver. Sorry, them are the facts.

Um, I am not a childless woman. I thought that was a deal breaker. It's not anymore?

Can I get a flow chart?

[Anonymous]

"It's good that we all don't for the same type or very few of us would manage to pair off."

A brief stroll through Walmart provides ample evidence of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

EVERY human is programmed this way. It's not just men. Even the biggest stud in DC is going to meet women who are interested in him because they don't find him physically attractive.

+1

For us women, physical attractiveness is the number one thing too at least it is for me. Of course not being psycho and having a brain are important too. But without that initial spark, it's a friendship, nothing more.

Luckily, both men and women are attracted to all different physical types. I'm tall, blonde and thin and fit the western ideal pretty closely. But, back when I was single, I had men I was interested in ditch me for short, fat, older women. Obviously, that's what floated the guy's boat. It's good that we all don't for for the same type or very few of us would manage to pair off.

Yup. I like curvy, Italian and Jewish women with wavy hair (glasses are also a +). A supermodel could walk by and it would do nothing for me.

I'd be perfect for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a conversation with a single male co worker and asked him about dating a 40+ Woman with a child. He said that most guys will consider attractiveness first, then personality, then kids. He didn't think the "single mom" thing would be an issue...at least not for him. He is 34 and I am 43.

as a single dad, dating single moms just seems to fit with my life style and my desire to have a new family (not that single women w/o kids can't be part of it). but the first step, and I think it applies to almost every guy, is that there has to be physical attraction. the other stuff is important, but it comes afterwards - just how we are programmed.

and FWIW, to me there is nothing hotter than a 36+ single mom who is attractive and in shape. when you have that chemistry and mutual attraction it's like being on a honeymoon all over again

EVERY human is programmed this way. It's not just men. Even the biggest stud in DC is going to meet women who are interested in him because they don't find him physically attractive.

+1

For us women, physical attractiveness is the number one thing too at least it is for me. Of course not being psycho and having a brain are important too. But without that initial spark, it's a friendship, nothing more.

Luckily, both men and women are attracted to all different physical types. I'm tall, blonde and thin and fit the western ideal pretty closely. But, back when I was single, I had men I was interested in ditch me for short, fat, older women. Obviously, that's what floated the guy's boat. It's good that we all don't for for the same type or very few of us would manage to pair off.

Yup. I like curvy, Italian and Jewish women with wavy hair (glasses are also a +). A supermodel could walk by and it would do nothing for me.

I'd be perfect for you!