Need a new perspective on problem with in-laws (long, sorry)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Wow - way to jump to conclusions! Although FIL's wife asked me to make other arrangements, the baby was being well cared for and I was able to make arrangements for him to stay with others. If I had really felt it was dire, we definitely would have come home but I was assured he was fine, they just didnt realize he would need so much attention and were unprepared to offer that kind of attention all weekend. BIL was around over the weekend (with his own kids) and took the brunt of the childcare from Fri night until we returned and the older 2 kids went to their friends on Sunday morning.

They told you they could not take care of him anymore, and needed to get him somewhere else, and that was not a tip off to you that you should come home? I am not "jumping to conclusions", I think you densely missed a huge, glaring signal that you should get home and get your kids out of there. Come on.

You are totally nuts! LOL! Somehow I see therapy in your kids' futures. LOL!!!

Yes, LOLZ. Therapy for my kids, not for the one passed around for a week while teething and going through separation anxiety, while his parents were on a once in a lifetime vacation, or the ones pooping on the floor and getting yelled at. LOL for shiz.

OMG! Your kids will be in therapy for life. A ten month old passed around for a week. That baby was fine -- and so were the rest of the kids. You are one doozy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people think they should have kids and still be able to live like they are singe. A week vacation????

Exactly, my kids are 14and12 and I wouldn't leave them for a week

Something tells me that the post and response are from the same person.

I am the one with the 14 and 12 years old. Nope, that wasn't my post, I dare you to ask Jeff. You would see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it was probably unreasonable to leave three small kids, one being a baby, with an elderly couple for an entire week.

They were probably overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, frustrated. Having said that, they should get over it.

Did it not occur to you that it might be too much for them? Also, what is your husband's take on this since it's his father.

They arent elderly - they are 62 and 51.

DH is upset too, but he is more inclined to fight back to show how we did make it easy and did warn them about accidents, etc while I am trying to figure out the best approach to move forward. I dont care about being right, I just want to have a good relationship.

I don't understand why you didn't just make your kids wear pull-ups to bed instead of "warning" them about the accidents. They probably didn't take your warnings that seriously and things spiraled out of control from there.

I don't agree with their attitude toward it since they did accept the responsibility, but don't fight back - that's just creating more unnecessary drama. Bottom line, they did you a favor and it sounds like a misunderstanding, so no need to prove anyone was right or wrong. They're probably just tired and cranky, as others have said, and they'll eventually get over it.

I agree with no fighting back - its why DH is going to keep his mouth shut when we sit down with them.

We dont put them in pull-ups bc if we take them to the bathroom at 10pm (which we instructed FIL to do and which he has done many times while babysitting), they dont have accidents 90% of the time. They have been out of pull-ups for 1-2 years but we continue this "sleep pee" until we know they can wake up dry. In a diff environment, I guess it was just a fluke that they had a couple accidents. Maybe they had too much to drink before bed? I have no ides why it happened but we warned them it could happen and gave them plastic sheets just in case.

So 90% pee rate and NO pull-ups? My guess is they pee more than 1/10 nights or you wouldn't use plastic sheets. WTF is a plastic sheet? You mean a waterproof mattress protector and you still have to wash the mattress cover, sheets, kid, pajamas, blankets/comforter for that age group. In their case sleeping bags. So yes I'd be pissed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is upset too, but he is more inclined to fight back to show how we did make it easy and did warn them about accidents

With this attitude, you were absolutely correct about one thing in your OP- it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I'm not saying the ILs overreacted but my head is spinning trying to follow that rigid schedule you planned for them.

This is just DHs personality bc he tried to warn them and give them advice but they blew him off and now he's in "I told you so" mode (ONLY TO ME), but he will not be saying this to them and has not said this to them. He is also very grateful just frustrated that they dismissed our suggestions and then got upset that some aspects were harder than they should have been. I was just responding to the person who asked how DH felt about it.

What was rigid about the schedule? 4-7 with MIL at my house and 7-8am with FIL/wife at their house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Wow - way to jump to conclusions! Although FIL's wife asked me to make other arrangements, the baby was being well cared for and I was able to make arrangements for him to stay with others. If I had really felt it was dire, we definitely would have come home but I was assured he was fine, they just didnt realize he would need so much attention and were unprepared to offer that kind of attention all weekend. BIL was around over the weekend (with his own kids) and took the brunt of the childcare from Fri night until we returned and the older 2 kids went to their friends on Sunday morning.

Good lord, you burdened everyone including your BIL so that you can have a week away. You are so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Yea, you are crazy. The in-laws were caring for the baby, they just were not happy about it. they did not abuse the baby. Way to over-react!

Not the PP but hell yes I would be coming back if my BABY was with someone who was no longer able to care for him. Uh yes that would be the first thing I would do because I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that was going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people think they should have kids and still be able to live like they are singe. A week vacation????

Exactly, my kids are 14and12 and I wouldn't leave them for a week

The helicopter rotors are so loud I can barely hear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Wow - way to jump to conclusions! Although FIL's wife asked me to make other arrangements, the baby was being well cared for and I was able to make arrangements for him to stay with others. If I had really felt it was dire, we definitely would have come home but I was assured he was fine, they just didnt realize he would need so much attention and were unprepared to offer that kind of attention all weekend. BIL was around over the weekend (with his own kids) and took the brunt of the childcare from Fri night until we returned and the older 2 kids went to their friends on Sunday morning.

Good lord, you burdened everyone including your BIL so that you can have a week away. You are so selfish.

Exactly! He had to go and get the kid, who knows how, transferring car seats, etc. Sorry, but good lord, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Yea, you are crazy. The in-laws were caring for the baby, they just were not happy about it. they did not abuse the baby. Way to over-react!

Not the PP but hell yes I would be coming back if my BABY was with someone who was no longer able to care for him. Uh yes that would be the first thing I would do because I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that was going on.

1) they made other arrangements
2) no one died or left in a vegetative state
3) TAKE A XANAX

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Yea, you are crazy. The in-laws were caring for the baby, they just were not happy about it. they did not abuse the baby. Way to over-react!

Not the PP but hell yes I would be coming back if my BABY was with someone who was no longer able to care for him. Uh yes that would be the first thing I would do because I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that was going on.

Thank you!!!! Most of us check in with the babysitter multiple times a day, even if we don't feel guilt -- if I knew there was an issue, I am getting home. Apparently, for this, although I do use child care and go out regularly, my children will need therapy "LOL".

[Anonymous]

I don't know, OP. It didn't work out. Who cares why.

Next time, you will know to take your kids with you or hire a nanny to take care of things while you are gone. There are agencies that provide licensed, bonded nannies for events like this.

Just tell FIL that he's right and it won't happen again. Then make sure it doesn't happen again. (Tell him that even if you don't think he's right. It doesn't matter. He just wants to hear that he is right.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, this just was not feasible. Way, way too long to leave a ten month old. Why on earth didn't you fly back when they called you? I am sorry, but I honestly think it was unfair and irresponsible. I really do.

I would apologize, again and again, and just leave it for a while.

Really? Fly back?

Um, absolutely. If I knew my ten month old baby was not being cared for, missed me and was not going to be able to remain with family, yeah, I would get on a plane. Guess I'm just crazy like that.

Wow - way to jump to conclusions! Although FIL's wife asked me to make other arrangements, the baby was being well cared for and I was able to make arrangements for him to stay with others. If I had really felt it was dire, we definitely would have come home but I was assured he was fine, they just didnt realize he would need so much attention and were unprepared to offer that kind of attention all weekend. BIL was around over the weekend (with his own kids) and took the brunt of the childcare from Fri night until we returned and the older 2 kids went to their friends on Sunday morning.

Good lord, you burdened everyone including your BIL so that you can have a week away. You are so selfish.

Exactly! He had to go and get the kid, who knows how, transferring car seats, etc. Sorry, but good lord, op.

Wow - lots of false assumptions here. BIL wanted to come in bc he was off of work and thought it a good opportunity to visit and help. That was his call, we never asked him. He didnt have to get the kids bc he stayed with FIL and just took over the nights and baby stuff while in their house. I also installed extra car seats in all in-laws cars and they had access to our cars so no car seats ever needed to be transferred.

We also have happily cared for BILs kids for weeks over the summer with no expectation of returning the favor bc thats what families do.

[Anonymous]

Why not answer what this trip was?

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP

Did you post a few months ago about this once in a left time trip where you were debating whether to take your baby or not???

[Anonymous]

The thing is, OP, FIL and MIL are right. Objectively. It would be a big deal to ask family to watch my 11 month old for a week. Her, plus two older non potty trained kids, when the family is working FT? Come. on. Now. That is nuts. You are wrong, wrong, wrong. Admit it and move on.