Need a new perspective on problem with in-laws (long, sorry)
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Anonymous
No it's not "old". It's not young, that's for sure. But if you think 51 is old you need to get out in the world more and expand your circle a bit. And no, I'm not in my 50's so you'll have to resist your natural impulse to call me "old and bitter". |
Anonymous
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In what way is the tension bad? They don't want to see you?
Give them some space. I would also recommend never asking for such a favor again. If they volunteer, great, but focus on not asking for favors for a while. |
Anonymous
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Ok, had to give up on this fucking thread after 3 pages because Jesus Christ -
Judge much? |
Anonymous
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OP here -
We had them over for dinner. FIL/Wife (mostly wife) vented over all the things that were too hard: baby woke up, she couldnt get back to sleep, she got sick, too cold outside, needed to help MIL with her part, carpool was late, etc... We again apologized, reexpressed our appreciation, and assured them we werent going anywhere for a while. She said she was not holding anything against us but needed to vent and wished I had come to her sooner (so much for giving her time and space). All is good now, but we certainly wont be having them do any overnights anytime soon. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think they are being brats. They made an offer, they agreed to a situation, when it turned out worse than anyone had thought, you did all you could to make it up to them.
Really there is nothing more that you can do. Since this is a relationship you want to salvage, I guess the next time you meet you can just try, "you are absolutely right. I am so sorry". Repeat as necessary. Maybe in time they will forgive you for your imagined offenses. But you did not do anything wrong IMHO. I would think carefully before allowing them to babysit again. Socialize, absolutely. Babysit, not so much. |
Anonymous
Someone didn't learn their lesson. I think I am catching on now, OP is entitled and thinks family should be at her beck and call for her mess of kids. |
Anonymous
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You asked for a really huge favor. I'm sure they wanted to seem positive and capable, because saying no would have been awful. But it was too much to ask. You're used to your children, but what if you had to take care of 3 elderly people with various needs and were cleaning up after them and waking up in the night to attend to them. That would be an enormous favor. Leaving them instructions and food doesn't make them do things exactly as you would - they still have their own lives and ways of doing things. You seem to not be able to understand why this would be difficult for someone else to do.
I would have insisted the girls wear pull-ups if they're having accidents even once in a while. I don't understand why it would be more of a fight to do that, than to make someone else change sheets at night. |
Anonymous
| I can't follow all of this thread but I saw something in the beginning on accidents? If you kids are 6 and 4 and still having accidents, this is definitely information that needed to be out there. Hi-we are going away but the kids still have accidents and in a big way. If this was glossed over I would be annoyed. I think that could have been the one thing that threw them over. Gross that they had to get their carpets done and even though you paid to have them cleaned, it's still gross. If my kids were having those issues I would have taken a pass on the trip of a lifetime. Yes you have apologized but I would go back and say you really screwed up and shouldn't have put them in this situation. It's not just an "I'm sorry it didn't work out. It's an I'm sorry that I was deceitful and I have learned." |
Anonymous
Glad to hear it but the lesson is don't leave them again with the grandparents AT ALL, not just "anytime soon." Do you really not get this? |
Anonymous
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One thing jumped out at me that no one has mentioned in the 12 pages.
The FIL/SMIL had the shittiest shift of all. MIL got to have the kids from 4-7 -- make them dinner, tell them stories, hear about the day, etc. She even had help with the kids in the form of pre-made meals and Then, poof! FIL/SMIL got the kids from 7pm to 8am, had to get up multiple times through the night, clean up multiple accidents, etc., etc. No time for anything but business business business. All the while, OP and MIL are happily soaking up rays and sleeping respectively. (I don't know if FIL/MIL are still toxic with each other or if SMIL has resentment against the MIL). Then in the morning it's off to school. Not even a trip to McDonald's or to the organic vegan place OP might prefer to send her kids off to, or to see a movie at 5pm ... OP tried to choreograph everything, too. Then on the weekend, when there might be some fun grandparent thing to do with the older kids ... nope, can't do that, the older kids are off to see friends. All work and no play made FIL/SMIL one pissed off couple. Some families there is the expectation that they do a lot for each other. Others are shocked at a request to spend an evening with GP, aunt/uncle, etc. OP's family is probably more "sharing" and as long as no one takes way more than their share it is okay. With that said, if FIL/SMIL bear a grudge against OP it is on them. I also think the call on Day 5 of 7 was a little much -- even if OP was able to move heaven and earth to get back home early, it would have been $$$1000s to get there and odds are she'd have been lucky to get there 24 hours earlier than scheduled. |
Anonymous
| *pre-made meals and the mother's helper. |
Anonymous
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The kids may not normally have a million accidents---a lot of kids have accidents in different sleeping arrangements. They don't sleep as soundly, or they half wake up and aren't sure where they are---
Looks like op tried to have the inlaws come where the kids were but they didn't want to. |
Anonymous
This OP really downplayed the accidents. I agree she should have skipped the trip but she got a free ticket. |
Anonymous
OP Glad it worked out, but your kids are having a LOT of accidents. |
Anonymous
Heyyy guys I have an @sshole therefore my own opinion on this 
Wow this thread is hot!! Y'all sound so obviously American and uptight. Parents being "selfish" for wanting time to themselves? The parents didn't do JACK wrong by taking advantage of a chance to get away from the daily grind of family life for a week. Parent or not everyone deserves a break!! Tbh I think a parent deserves it more. We WERK 24/7!!! Don't look down your noses at us because we aren't as self-absorbed as you enough not to have children. Hah. Some of you thinking of the BIL as being "burdened" by watching his nieces and nephews he chose to come help with? Have y'all ever heard the saying IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, or nah??! It does literally require a village to raise a child. It's a communal thing. Helping each other to ease the pressure and stay sane. And the kid gets to bond/socialize with many people. Only here in America are families so isolated. That concept and **NECESSITY** is completely lost in our "me me me F everyone else" culture. Everywhere else you travel, you'll see family members helping with the kids, always. It ain't, "you chose to have them so they're your burden betch!" It's "our babies are innocent blessings from above and we're here for one another" I'm Hispanic and noooobody in my family would have an issue watching my son with reasonable accommodations. I'm close to many cousins because we spent a lot of funnnn times together at somebody's house, as children. That child-less MIL was the one beefing HARD. She doesn't love the grandkids because they aren't her blood, plain and simple. She minded very much that them d*mned kids came and took over her home. She will never have the love and patience a blood relative will. She was selfish enough not to ruin her life with kids remember? What makes you think she'll be maternal enough for step grandkids? Boo hoo she chose to marry a dude with descendants. I agree with the poster who said the source of anger and resentment is the MIL. All those accidents and arrangements to clean it up usually would be agreed on with understanding. But nope, she is loaded & annoyed. And FIL is doing what a husband does and is supporting her. He can't feel good about this. Aanndd for you tight wads ready to attack my word usage and grammar...this is DC shawty. |