Shoe, Cars, Purses, and Country Clubs Why Are These Status Symbols So Important?

[Anonymous]

Haha ! That was my first all time post ! But you see a pattern - good for you. I think you meant to write "posts", by the way.

[Anonymous]

We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

The host definitely does not live in Potomac/Bethesda because there is nothing there that is 400K other than a one bedroom condo. She might have been trying to impress the host. Glad you're happy in public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't appreciate people dismissing us because they flaunt more.

I really think it's in your head. How about you get your kid in the best school for the kid and then leave it at that? Resist making it about you.

If parents are dismissive to other parents, you don't think the kids pick up on the queues. PLEASE.

Kid took their cues from their parents while queuing up for the Sunday buffet at the club.

My favorite post so far! (Obviously, I value verbal acuity as a status symbol.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

The host definitely does not live in Potomac/Bethesda because there is nothing there that is 400K other than a one bedroom condo. She might have been trying to impress the host. Glad you're happy in public school.

No I mean the houses use to be $400k more pre-2008 in said neighborhood.... not the absolute value of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't appreciate people dismissing us because they flaunt more.

I really think it's in your head. How about you get your kid in the best school for the kid and then leave it at that? Resist making it about you.

If parents are dismissive to other parents, you don't think the kids pick up on the queues. PLEASE.

Kid took their cues from their parents while queuing up for the Sunday buffet at the club.

My favorite post so far! (Obviously, I value verbal acuity as a status symbol.)

Yes I was tired when I wrote this. I think it is funny too.

[Anonymous]

How else are you going to know who is the alpha and the alpha's family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on DCUM way too much and I don't see a lot of discussion or disagreements about the items you specify in your post. Instead, I see a lot of obsession with politics, schools, child rearing styles and real estate.

If I may say, it seems like your frustrations aren't the result of interactions on DCUM but, rather, real life experiences.

Not to mention OP's own personal hangups and obsessions. We earn $250,000 a year, drive two 6-year-old Japanese cars, carry a bag from Target that retails for like $100 and rejected entreaties to join the CC. We're just not CC people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

If you moved your kids to public school because it was truly financial or because it provided better academic opportunities than you made the right decision.

But if you moved them because you felt like an outsider because you didn't have a prestigious position or didn't ski in Aspen then you have thrown a wonderful opportunity away because of your insecurities. Your first sensible paragraph totally contradicts your 2nd one. You say you can't judge someone by possessions but turn around and say you feel like an outsider because of what high-end activities you don't do.

Well, thankfully you have found relief in public school, no longer face social exclusion, and the past experience should no longer have any bearing on your life.

[Anonymous]

I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Hey, any fool can lease a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Agree, a new Acura or Volvo cost the same as my slightly used Mercedes. I hope people don't think I'm so status conscience due to my Coach outlet purse! It really can't compete with the LVs I see at the office on women who don't have their kids at private. I wonder if people at public school worry so much about the social inequality at their school? Don't the CC moms still hang out together even though there might be a few FARMS families attending?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worse because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

This this this. Get your kid into the best fit school for the kid and then work on your own self-worth.