Shoe, Cars, Purses, and Country Clubs Why Are These Status Symbols So Important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids school the stuff and the labels are secondary. If you or your kids are extremely fit, athletic and good looking you don't need all of the labels to be part of the in-crowd because no amount of labels will get you into the crowd. You can't buy looks or athleticism. The mom of the star of the play will not be part of the cool crowd parents unless the star of the play is also on the top tier lacrosse team. Just sayin...

puke.

Not true beautiful, intelligent, athletic kids from the wrong social class suffer the worst.

[Anonymous]

And that's true even if they have the right handbag

[Anonymous]

Not true beautiful, intelligent, athletic kids from the wrong social class suffer the worst.

I agree pp- this is a sad fact at times. But the post was not about kids fitting in. It was about certain types of cliquish and status conscious moms fitting in. Over the years I have watched certain moms push their kids (typically younger) into activities and social circles to further their own social agendas. The kids are miserable, but the moms are having a ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

If you moved your kids to public school because it was truly financial or because it provided better academic opportunities than you made the right decision.

But if you moved them because you felt like an outsider because you didn't have a prestigious position or didn't ski in Aspen then you have thrown a wonderful opportunity away because of your insecurities. Your first sensible paragraph totally contradicts your 2nd one. You say you can't judge someone by possessions but turn around and say you feel like an outsider because of what high-end activities you don't do.

Well, thankfully you have found relief in public school, no longer face social exclusion, and the past experience should no longer have any bearing on your life.

This was my post. Sadly, I moved my kids because we could no longer afford the private tuitions and still save for college. I do miss many of the wonderful opportunities my children had in their independent school -- the small classes and holistic approach to education in particular. They are doing well in public school and I miss those things, but I don't miss the greater emphasis on status and wealth. Just calling it like I see it.

[Anonymous]

Whether public school or private school you see what you want to see. And - to a certain degree - its up to you and your kids to create the reality you experience. Back in the day parents left everything up to the kids. Its all about 'we' and us now - and I'm not so sure that parents are truly advocates if their wants and needs - having nothing to do with education- are inserted into the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think these people have no assets and are living paycheck to paycheck?

This!
And I am a black woman so I am sure many probably assume a lot about me financially that is incorrect
How do people presume to know so much about my financial ability to afford things?
Unless you went through my trash and put together my shredded Fidelity statement, you have no freaking idea about my net worth.

Nobody cares.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is awesome. I particularly enjoyed the impassioned defense of "luxury bags". And then the bonding over a certain brand of bags. They must been hyperventilating when they read about the correlation between big bags and small brains.

I feel for the people who can't send their kids to the big 3, or elite independents, or whatever they are called, because it costs too much. Hey, who said having kids in DC would be free ?

And don't forget the intrepid single parent who drives an old car, and presumably carries a small, old bag, and demands respect for making the right choices for kids' educations.

She has my respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is awesome. I particularly enjoyed the impassioned defense of "luxury bags". And then the bonding over a certain brand of bags. They must been hyperventilating when they read about the correlation between big bags and small brains.

I feel for the people who can't send their kids to the big 3, or elite independents, or whatever they are called, because it costs too much. Hey, who said having kids in DC would be free ?

And don't forget the intrepid single parent who drives an old car, and presumably carries a small, old bag, and demands respect for making the right choices for kids' educations.

She has my respect.

Um, yeah...and isn't it awesome how people come on this thread and pontificate and sit in judgment from their high horse, making ironic comments as if they are above it all? Yes, PP, I'm talking to you.

[Anonymous]

I am above it. You got that right. How's the view ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not look down upon those who choose not to indulge in luxury goods. I get it. They are splurges that are insanely expensive and are a personal choice. People have higher priorities or different priorities for what to do with their disposable income. And some just are not into fashion or style or collecting things for the history of it and just need a functional item.
I have only commented on this topic (for me it is bags) in defense of my choice to indulge in luxury goods by those who choose not to indulge in luxuries who seem to look down on those of us who choose to indulge in them.
There are luxury items that hold there value very well that I enjoy and collect and plan to pass down to my children. I work my butt off, made wise choices otherwise with my money and these things bring me joy to use. If it is not for you so be it ...I don't look down on you because you make a different choice.
I see people who have issues with or look down on my luxury goods choices splurge on multiple vacations a year, weekly manicure and pedicures and beauty salon visits, buy expensive jewelry, dine out everyday for lunch and often for dinner, choose to live in a much more expensive home, etc. and it infuriates me that those choices are more socially acceptable while I choose to do my own nails and hair, don't care about diamonds and jewels, I bring my lunch and dining out is not a regular experience, vacation more frugally and made a more frugal home choice. I save a ton of money being frugal in various aspects of my life and some of that money saved goes to some luxuries that I enjoy.
Beyond the above, if you I see you driving a Kia, rocking a plastic Target purse, cubic zirconia jewelry, etc. I do not look down on you. I do not walk around judging other people. I appreciate nice things and do compliment when I see something beautiful...beyond that I do not notice or care....I am just enjoying my own things.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I want to finally get a nice fall purse that matches some nice leather shoes. That to me is a luxury and one worth planning for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on dcurbanmom on these status symbols crazy. Why do you care what brand of shoes I wear and the purse I buy or whether I drive a luxury car or if I belong to a CC? We are middle income based on warped private school standards less than 250k per year but close to it. I could make my kids take put loans for college to buy that luxury car and belong to that CC ( we've saved 200k for college)... or keep a high mortgage balance and buy all of this crap to fit in with the parents. What bugs me the most are the wannabees who have no assets (one paycheck away from not being able to pay their mortgage):but flaunt their non-existant wealth and look down on us.

I'm just responding to the last part. The wannabes drive me nuts too. They have no equity in their house and no assets to speak of but drive fancy cars, wear $300 shoes, and carry $1,000 bags. I think these people are just extremely insecure and feel a need to keep up with the Joneses. I prefer financial stability and security over designer bags and kind of laugh to myself at people who waste money on luxuries they cannot afford - we all know who they are.

Sorry guys. I've been in private school scene for years and the majority of the people I see with these items aren't flaunting, they just have a lot more money than you It may make you feel better to assume they are living above their means, but trust me, most aren't- they just have a ton of money. I didn't come from mney, but from a very hardworking family and now my DH and I have a ton of money. We don't judge anyone by the amount of money they have or lack thereof. You, however, have a huge chip on your shoulder that you better shake fast if you want to survive. I don't judge you for wearing cheap shoes. Don't judge me because I've worked hard and can afford expensive shoes. Oh, and by the way, i also have an expensive bag, no debt, and savings to cover both kids for private and then college, etc. it might make you feel better to assume I'm flaunting or trying to make some statement or that I'm living beyond my means. Nope. You are wrong. Just have a lot more cash than you and like nice things. Who besides you cares anyway? No wonder you are having a hard time making friends. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

this is thread has me in a state of disbelief. I have never experienced any parent showing off or looking down on me. If all this showing off of who has what is going on, it's never happened in front me. Yes, cars at pick up range from range rovers to ford escapes, but never has a range rover mom refused to talk to me or arrange a play date with my kids. I remember the welcome reception for new parents, nearly every woman there had a chanel purse (except for me), but everyone was just so friendly and focused on the kids. We all just talked about how excited we were that our kids are going to a great school and just loving the awesome facilities. Lots of parents (including me) commented on how we wish our schools growing up were as cool.

I mean honestly, I don't hang with these people socially, but whenever there is a school event for parents, they do talk to us, we just drink wine and laugh. At the last thing I went to, me and this other mom were just cracking up over this one teacher who's really strict about silly things. She was blinged out and rocking labels head to toe, but she's super cool. I really have no clue which parent belongs to a country club, no one has ever mentioned it. Cool vacation spots have come up, but that's only because its part of the conversation like if I'm arranging a get together for the kids, one mom and I were trying to figure out dates so I threw one out and she said sorry, we're going to be out of the country for all of august. I don't think she was trying to impress me, but what else was she supposed to say?

where are these people? are they at sidwell? b/c I've never experienced anything like what some of these people are saying at my school.

[Anonymous]

I have experienced very little snobbery on Capitol Hill...that's why I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kids school the stuff and the labels are secondary. If you or your kids are extremely fit, athletic and good looking you don't need all of the labels to be part of the in-crowd because no amount of labels will get you into the crowd. You can't buy looks or athleticism. The mom of the star of the play will not be part of the cool crowd parents unless the star of the play is also on the top tier lacrosse team. Just sayin...

sounds like my son's MS..lol