Shoe, Cars, Purses, and Country Clubs Why Are These Status Symbols So Important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Does anyone actually say "I'm down to earth"? I hear it describing others, but I don't hear people describe themselves that way. I think there's a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Agree, a new Acura or Volvo cost the same as my slightly used Mercedes. I hope people don't think I'm so status conscience due to my Coach outlet purse! It really can't compete with the LVs I see at the office on women who don't have their kids at private. I wonder if people at public school worry so much about the social inequality at their school? Don't the CC moms still hang out together even though there might be a few FARMS families attending?

Absolutely. We have several friends whose kids attend our neighborhood public school. When we go to parties, it seems like the social dynamic is much more extreme than it is at our private school. There are the CC moms who live in the ritziest part of the neighborhood who are all tight friends and then there are moms whose kids live in the less ritzy part but who are still solidly UMC then there are the FARMS kids. Our private school is not nearly as socially segregated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Agree, a new Acura or Volvo cost the same as my slightly used Mercedes. I hope people don't think I'm so status conscience due to my Coach outlet purse! It really can't compete with the LVs I see at the office on women who don't have their kids at private. I wonder if people at public school worry so much about the social inequality at their school? Don't the CC moms still hang out together even though there might be a few FARMS families attending?

Absolutely. We have several friends whose kids attend our neighborhood public school. When we go to parties, it seems like the social dynamic is much more extreme than it is at our private school. There are the CC moms who live in the ritziest part of the neighborhood who are all tight friends and then there are moms whose kids live in the less ritzy part but who are still solidly UMC then there are the FARMS kids. Our private school is not nearly as socially segregated.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

PP, you just said it all in this post. First of all, why do you even listen to talk about what others have or don't have if it bothers you. Are you not strong enough to politely excuse yourself to run to the restroom to avoid these people. Are you saying they diligently seek you out to talk about others who have not? I would think they would find more satisfaction in belittling others with those of their own kind.

Are you saying that you could find no one else you could talk with or hang out with other than people who talk about purses and shoes all the time? And honestly, if you are quite certain that you are the main topic of the conversation (though not the most interesting), you are delusional. Those people don't care about you. You need to dig deep, really deep, into your soul and find out why, oh why, you have allowed your life to be dictated by people who, honestly, couldn't care whether you stay or go. Self-absorbed people like the ones you speak of really don't care about you one way or the other. They are too busy vilifying each other.

You really, really need to take serious inventory of your self-worth. No one, not DCUM, not wealthy people, not poor people should determine your self-worth. That has already been done by a much higher power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

In my all my years that I have been in private school, I have never had anyone say to me, people of means or not, inside or outside of our private school, my kids are in elite independents. Private school, yes. Big Three yes. Elite Independents, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

PP, you just said it all in this post. First of all, why do you even listen to talk about what others have or don't have if it bothers you. Are you not strong enough to politely excuse yourself to run to the restroom to avoid these people. Are you saying they diligently seek you out to talk about others who have not? I would think they would find more satisfaction in belittling others with those of their own kind.

Are you saying that you could find no one else you could talk with or hang out with other than people who talk about purses and shoes all the time? And honestly, if you are quite certain that you are the main topic of the conversation (though not the most interesting), you are delusional. Those people don't care about you. You need to dig deep, really deep, into your soul and find out why, oh why, you have allowed your life to be dictated by people who, honestly, couldn't care whether you stay or go. Self-absorbed people like the ones you speak of really don't care about you one way or the other. They are too busy vilifying each other.

You really, really need to take serious inventory of your self-worth. No one, not DCUM, not wealthy people, not poor people should determine your self-worth. That has already been done by a much higher power.

A few points.. I only talked with this group for 5 minutes. Also, I agree that I'm not the main topic conversation. I agree I should not let their snubbing bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

PP, who cares, who cares, who cares? YOU DO!!!! Why is the real question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

PP, you just said it all in this post. First of all, why do you even listen to talk about what others have or don't have if it bothers you. Are you not strong enough to politely excuse yourself to run to the restroom to avoid these people. Are you saying they diligently seek you out to talk about others who have not? I would think they would find more satisfaction in belittling others with those of their own kind.

Are you saying that you could find no one else you could talk with or hang out with other than people who talk about purses and shoes all the time? And honestly, if you are quite certain that you are the main topic of the conversation (though not the most interesting), you are delusional. Those people don't care about you. You need to dig deep, really deep, into your soul and find out why, oh why, you have allowed your life to be dictated by people who, honestly, couldn't care whether you stay or go. Self-absorbed people like the ones you speak of really don't care about you one way or the other. They are too busy vilifying each other.

You really, really need to take serious inventory of your self-worth. No one, not DCUM, not wealthy people, not poor people should determine your self-worth. That has already been done by a much higher power.

A few points.. I only talked with this group for 5 minutes. Also, I agree that I'm not the main topic conversation. I agree I should not let their snubbing bother me.

You talk with a group for 5 minutes, the conversation you didn't like, and you have defined them. All in five minutes. Who's uppity now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worst because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

PP I agree with you that I shouldn't let these moms bug me so much, and I do try to avoid them as much as possible. There are some really nice very wealthy parents and not so wealthy parents so this forum isn't against envy of people who have more etc, it's against people who act as if they are superior because they have this stuff. I believe the status conscience are more self- conscience then I am because who else would judge someone by why what they have (as opposed to who they are)? The belated end of season sport party that I went to yesterday was just one example. There really isn't much common ground that I have with people who like to compare shoes, purses, and CC's. I disagree too that they don't talk or think about me. If they talk to me about what others have or don't have to me, I'm quite certain that they talk about me too ( though I'm sure I'm not the most interesting topic of conversation). And for the PP who said they hate people who brag about their high 401k balances, college savings plans, I've never mentioned it to any of these moms. It's really none of their business.

How's your kid doing at the school? Isn't that what it's all about? You're an adult; stop acting like a high schooler. And I don't care if the other girls started it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

OP here it's those status conscience moms that are shallow and look down on me because I am not flashy that bug me the most. For example, I was at a social event today and a shallow mom tells host that she had considered moving to hosts' neighborhood when the homes were 400k more. I only spent 5 minutes with this mom and the whole conversation was about who had what.

They are status conscious. You are self-conscious. Self-conscious is worse because you let status conscious people bug you (your words) and determine your worth. Work on your internal self-worth (and the other PP too), and I guarantee what other people say or how you think you are perceived will be a moot point without a 2nd thought.

It bothers you more than it bothers them. Bluntly, they are not wasting their time thinking about what you do and do not have. And neither should you. If you want to find mutual interest, then do so. If not, just move on.

This this this. Get your kid into the best fit school for the kid and then work on your own self-worth.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

I would NEVER take my child out of a good school because I am not in or invited into a particular social group. At school, I choose my own friends and not the other way around. I like people who share my interests. I call them friends. I call the others acquaintances.

Also, I am full tuition pay, single mom, $130k a year. My full tuition check spends the same as a check from someone of significant means. At the bank, the two are not placed next to each other and assessed which one is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would NEVER take my child out of a good school because I am not in or invited into a particular social group. At school, I choose my own friends and not the other way around. I like people who share my interests. I call them friends. I call the others acquaintances.

Also, I am full tuition pay, single mom, $130k a year. My full tuition check spends the same as a check from someone of significant means. At the bank, the two are not placed next to each other and assessed which one is better.That's a hoot! Hey, I'll take a filthy $20 bill or a clean one. Doesn't matter to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are an average upper middle class family (HHI 150k) with kids in elite independents for many years. Over those years I learned that you cannot judge someone by their possessions or their money. I made friends with some very wealthy women who were just lovely and down to earth -- also met some women who were shallow, petty and status conscious. It just all depends. You never know until you take some time to get to know people better. Then you see what they are truly made of.

I will say that on occasion I felt left out because I didn't belong to the Junior League, sit on the board of the museum or hospital, belong to the country club, or go skiing in Aspen or Stowe over Christmas break. In these subtle ways I did sometimes feel like an outsider, even though I had many friends at the school who were very kind to me. To be honest, it was sort of a relief to move our kids to public school and no longer have to face that sort of social exclusion.

In my all my years that I have been in private school, I have never had anyone say to me, people of means or not, inside or outside of our private school, my kids are in elite independents. Private school, yes. Big Three yes. Elite Independents, no.

Busted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when people say they are down to earth and they are driving this: 2013 Range Rover makes U.S. debut with $83,500* base price OR 2013 VolvoXC90 Luxury Midsize SUVs , MSRP: $39,700 - $45,600.

Agree, a new Acura or Volvo cost the same as my slightly used Mercedes. I hope people don't think I'm so status conscience due to my Coach outlet purse! It really can't compete with the LVs I see at the office on women who don't have their kids at private. I wonder if people at public school worry so much about the social inequality at their school? Don't the CC moms still hang out together even though there might be a few FARMS families attending?

Absolutely. We have several friends whose kids attend our neighborhood public school. When we go to parties, it seems like the social dynamic is much more extreme than it is at our private school. There are the CC moms who live in the ritziest part of the neighborhood who are all tight friends and then there are moms whose kids live in the less ritzy part but who are still solidly UMC then there are the FARMS kids. Our private school is not nearly as socially segregated.

+1000

So let's be clear. Your kids are in private school, but you are asserting that public school moms are more status conscious. Even though a. there are no FARMS kids in private school by definition and at most 2-3 full scholarship kids, and b. you have no, you know, direct experience in public schools. Your conclusions are drawn from c. your observation that rich people live in wealthy neighborhoods and know their neighbors there while poorer people live in poor neighborhoods, and d. a few women at your law firm carry LV bags.

I call BS.