Shoe, Cars, Purses, and Country Clubs Why Are These Status Symbols So Important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would NEVER take my child out of a good school because I am not in or invited into a particular social group. At school, I choose my own friends and not the other way around. I like people who share my interests. I call them friends. I call the others acquaintances.

Also, I am full tuition pay, single mom, $130k a year. My full tuition check spends the same as a check from someone of significant means. At the bank, the two are not placed next to each other and assessed which one is better.

Rock on, PP, this is called maturity. You do not have to be in with the in-crowd, nor do you have to be surrounded by people exactly like you -- instead, be yourself and reach out to build friendships with people who share your interests and values and sense of humor -- regardless of income level, where you live now or where you grew up, what kind of job you have, etc. Isn't this what we hope our kids will learn?

OP, you said you have friends at your child's school, yet you feel like an outsider. I would suggest that you consider why you can't just be happy with your friends. If other people care about shoes, cars, purses and country clubs, let them. You can care about what you regard as important. In doing so, you will set an excellent example for your child.

[Anonymous]

At my kids school the stuff and the labels are secondary. If you or your kids are extremely fit, athletic and good looking you don't need all of the labels to be part of the in-crowd because no amount of labels will get you into the crowd. You can't buy looks or athleticism. The mom of the star of the play will not be part of the cool crowd parents unless the star of the play is also on the top tier lacrosse team. Just sayin...

[Anonymous]

This thread is making me vomit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kids school the stuff and the labels are secondary. If you or your kids are extremely fit, athletic and good looking you don't need all of the labels to be part of the in-crowd because no amount of labels will get you into the crowd. You can't buy looks or athleticism. The mom of the star of the play will not be part of the cool crowd parents unless the star of the play is also on the top tier lacrosse team. Just sayin...

puke.

[Anonymous]

You must be the same people who are following the birth of the British prince.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be the same people who are following the birth of the British prince.

Hey, that's fun and amusing partly because it has absolutely no relevance to any of us. The school and handbag anxiety seems very personal.

[Anonymous]

I personally do not look down upon those who choose not to indulge in luxury goods. I get it. They are splurges that are insanely expensive and are a personal choice. People have higher priorities or different priorities for what to do with their disposable income. And some just are not into fashion or style or collecting things for the history of it and just need a functional item.
I have only commented on this topic (for me it is bags) in defense of my choice to indulge in luxury goods by those who choose not to indulge in luxuries who seem to look down on those of us who choose to indulge in them.
There are luxury items that hold there value very well that I enjoy and collect and plan to pass down to my children. I work my butt off, made wise choices otherwise with my money and these things bring me joy to use. If it is not for you so be it ...I don't look down on you because you make a different choice.
I see people who have issues with or look down on my luxury goods choices splurge on multiple vacations a year, weekly manicure and pedicures and beauty salon visits, buy expensive jewelry, dine out everyday for lunch and often for dinner, choose to live in a much more expensive home, etc. and it infuriates me that those choices are more socially acceptable while I choose to do my own nails and hair, don't care about diamonds and jewels, I bring my lunch and dining out is not a regular experience, vacation more frugally and made a more frugal home choice. I save a ton of money being frugal in various aspects of my life and some of that money saved goes to some luxuries that I enjoy.
Beyond the above, if you I see you driving a Kia, rocking a plastic Target purse, cubic zirconia jewelry, etc. I do not look down on you. I do not walk around judging other people. I appreciate nice things and do compliment when I see something beautiful...beyond that I do not notice or care....I am just enjoying my own things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think I care about your stuff. But I don't. Besides, why do you care? I don't.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think these people have no assets and are living paycheck to paycheck?

This!
And I am a black woman so I am sure many probably assume a lot about me financially that is incorrect
How do people presume to know so much about my financial ability to afford things?
Unless you went through my trash and put together my shredded Fidelity statement, you have no freaking idea about my net worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I think it's all about priorities, and in my opinion, those who flash wealth have their priorities out of whack. Think of all the good you could do with $1,000 other than buying another handbag.

+1

This is all relative. You are on the private school forum. There are more than a few who would tell you to think of all the good you could do with the $35k tuition.
Ever shop at Whole Foods or Trader Joes? Think of all the good you could do with the money you would save if you shopped at Aldi.
Ever buy anything at a major department store? Think of all the good you could do with the money you would save if you shopped exclusively at Walmart.
Every take a vacation anywhere? Think of all the good you could do with the money if you just stayed at home.
The whole premise that anyone can or should define how someone else spends the money they earn is moronic. There will always be someone in the ready to criticize your choices as frivolous.

+1000
Speak on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been my experience that people who can't afford something complain about the excesses of those who can afford to do or buy X. However, if and when their financial circumstances change X no longer seems to be an excess. Jealousy and double standard.

Preach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would NEVER take my child out of a good school because I am not in or invited into a particular social group. At school, I choose my own friends and not the other way around. I like people who share my interests. I call them friends. I call the others acquaintances.

Also, I am full tuition pay, single mom, $130k a year. My full tuition check spends the same as a check from someone of significant means. At the bank, the two are not placed next to each other and assessed which one is better.

That's the way it works with most people as people generally gravitate to those who share their interests or life experiences. One of my very close friends who I met at school and is considerably wealthy was not on my radar for three years until we found out through casual conversation that we grew up in the same mid-sized town and had many of the same activities and friends. Somehow, we had never crossed paths and were of the same socioeconomic background. We have bonded through that mutual experience and had nothing to do with money.

Maybe if the previous poster would seek out common interests, if there are any, she wouldn't feel so threatened or intimidated.

I have bonded with women and made business connections over a handbag. I cant tell you how many times I have made valuable professional connections with other women over sharing a common interest in a brand and it is the icebreaker for a conversation between us.

[Anonymous]

You should bond over your brazilian instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should bond over your brazilian instead.

Ah...now there is an idea! Will try that next time I am in a women's locker room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should bond over your brazilian instead.

Ah...now there is an idea! Will try that next time I am in a women's locker room

And, with this image indelibly seared into our brains -- not to mention those of any 9th-grade boys lurking here -- perhaps we should end the discussion?