s/o...if you don't reciprocate, do you wish I would go away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

I have a helpful hint for you: when you are writing your note of thanks for the wonderful evening, take out your planner right then and there. In the note, suggest two dates and times that would work for you to host the host. Then it's up to them to select the date that works best.

HA! I don't even HAVE a planner!! Like I said, I'm a terrible planner.

yeah, I don't even know what a "planner" is. you mean your iphone calendar? people use those things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

that isn't being a host, that is meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant. sure, everyone does that.

I am not the PP, but I think she means literally hosting something at a restaurant or a bar. (And to that, imho, that can get expensive and I wouldn't think that was necessary, unless you are moving in some higher class circles than I am (or an older circle). In which case, do whatever floats your boat. But personally that would be excessive in our group of friends.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah...there's a troll on this thread (or one honestly, seriously disgruntled heavy hoster). There's no other reason someone is calling out basically every post that explains why people don't host (you know, actually answering the question) and saying that they're in the wrong.

Whatever.

I have made a couple critical comments, but I see many more, and they seem to have been written by different people, so I assume a good number of hosts are not that impressed by the quality of answers provided. Several have pointed out that it can be easy and inexpensive to organize something fun, indoors or outdoors, so I guess we are trying to understand real reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

Yes, we both WOH FT and outsource housework twice a month, yard work, etc. Plus our kids are older. If you are in need of saving money to the extent you don't outsource, you probably can't afford to entertain regularly.

OH, okay, thanks, PP. That does make me feel a tiny bit better. Yeah, we are definitely in the "in need of saving $$ to the extent we don't outsource" category. At least for a while now. Sigh. (And our children are young.)

(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!)

+1. Easy, inexpensive.

[Anonymous]

"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

I have a helpful hint for you: when you are writing your note of thanks for the wonderful evening, take out your planner right then and there. In the note, suggest two dates and times that would work for you to host the host. Then it's up to them to select the date that works best.

HA! I don't even HAVE a planner!! Like I said, I'm a terrible planner.

You don't write down your dentist appointments and haircuts anywhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

that isn't being a host, that is meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant. sure, everyone does that.

No, you misunderstand, I mean pay for their food and drinks. That's "hosting," whether done at home or someplace outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I guess then, I just probably cannot be close friends with, or move in circles with, people like this b/c we are probably in two different places in our lives right now. . . no harm, no foul, I think people like you are very nice people and it's very nice that you host a lot, but I think we have different priorities. . . good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine hosting parties at my home. Dh and I really don't get along well. We are trying to deal with the situation as best we can. I can't imagine hosting a bunch of people under these circumstances. I try to invite DS's friends over for individual playdates, or offer to take them to the park or another public place. If people have a problem with this because I'm not paying as much to host them at parties, they are free not to invite my son and I over to their parties. I would feel bad about it for my son, but would not care for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I guess then, I just probably cannot be close friends with, or move in circles with, people like this b/c we are probably in two different places in our lives right now. . . no harm, no foul, I think people like you are very nice people and it's very nice that you host a lot, but I think we have different priorities. . . good luck to you.

(And, actually, given the above, then I would kind of wonder why you kept issuing invitations to me. . .to get back to the original question - lol. ! If it matters to you about reciprocating, and I clearly cannot, then yes, I would wonder why you kept inviting us to stuff.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I guess then, I just probably cannot be close friends with, or move in circles with, people like this b/c we are probably in two different places in our lives right now. . . no harm, no foul, I think people like you are very nice people and it's very nice that you host a lot, but I think we have different priorities. . . good luck to you.

(And, actually, given the above, then I would kind of wonder why you kept issuing invitations to me. . .to get back to the original question - lol. ! If it matters to you about reciprocating, and I clearly cannot, then yes, I would wonder why you kept inviting us to stuff.)

Op here - this is NOT my opinion... I consider hosting anything where someone else does all the work of logistics, timing, etc, so all I have to do is show up. Who pays has nothing to do with "hosting". I asked the question initially with THAT in mind - that if we were always the ones doing the inviting for whatever (not always a party) if you say yes are you happy about it. Given the post that said lots of hosters are posting looking for reasons why people don't reciprocate it may be that I actually AM the only person in DC who thinks this way! LOL! And PP - if you do lots of organizing, that works for me...I'd definitely think it's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I guess then, I just probably cannot be close friends with, or move in circles with, people like this b/c we are probably in two different places in our lives right now. . . no harm, no foul, I think people like you are very nice people and it's very nice that you host a lot, but I think we have different priorities. . . good luck to you.

(And, actually, given the above, then I would kind of wonder why you kept issuing invitations to me. . .to get back to the original question - lol. ! If it matters to you about reciprocating, and I clearly cannot, then yes, I would wonder why you kept inviting us to stuff.)

OK, thanks, OP! We can be friends!



Op here - this is NOT my opinion... I consider hosting anything where someone else does all the work of logistics, timing, etc, so all I have to do is show up. Who pays has nothing to do with "hosting". I asked the question initially with THAT in mind - that if we were always the ones doing the inviting for whatever (not always a party) if you say yes are you happy about it. Given the post that said lots of hosters are posting looking for reasons why people don't reciprocate it may be that I actually AM the only person in DC who thinks this way! LOL! And PP - if you do lots of organizing, that works for me...I'd definitely think it's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!) "

If you're not paying, you're not hosting.

Yeah, I can see that point of view. I guess then, I just probably cannot be close friends with, or move in circles with, people like this b/c we are probably in two different places in our lives right now. . . no harm, no foul, I think people like you are very nice people and it's very nice that you host a lot, but I think we have different priorities. . . good luck to you.

(And, actually, given the above, then I would kind of wonder why you kept issuing invitations to me. . .to get back to the original question - lol. ! If it matters to you about reciprocating, and I clearly cannot, then yes, I would wonder why you kept inviting us to stuff.)

Op here - this is NOT my opinion... I consider hosting anything where someone else does all the work of logistics, timing, etc, so all I have to do is show up. Who pays has nothing to do with "hosting". I asked the question initially with THAT in mind - that if we were always the ones doing the inviting for whatever (not always a party) if you say yes are you happy about it. Given the post that said lots of hosters are posting looking for reasons why people don't reciprocate it may be that I actually AM the only person in DC who thinks this way! LOL! And PP - if you do lots of organizing, that works for me...I'd definitely think it's a good thing.

Sorry, my quotes got messed up in the post above! But I wanted to say:

Ok, thanks, OP! We can be friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

that isn't being a host, that is meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant. sure, everyone does that.

No, you misunderstand, I mean pay for their food and drinks. That's "hosting," whether done at home or someplace outside the home.

that would be ridiculous, horribly show-offy and in poor manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

that isn't being a host, that is meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant. sure, everyone does that.

No, you misunderstand, I mean pay for their food and drinks. That's "hosting," whether done at home or someplace outside the home.

that would be ridiculous, horribly show-offy and in poor manners.

I don't really know if it would be poor manners, but I do agree that it would be excessive. People my parents' age do this. People we hang around with? No.