s/o...if you don't reciprocate, do you wish I would go away?

[Anonymous]

Plus one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

This is so bizarre. Why are you so invested in whether or not other people have parties? I have lots of them, but simply cannot fathom the kind of person who really gets upset if others don't like hosting. And really? People don't need "excuses" not to have parties. And always consider that your friends may be having parties and not inviting you, since you're the type of person who thinks people shouldn't get to make excuses not to entertain them. Weird!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

This is so bizarre. Why are you so invested in whether or not other people have parties? I have lots of them, but simply cannot fathom the kind of person who really gets upset if others don't like hosting. And really? People don't need "excuses" not to have parties. And always consider that your friends may be having parties and not inviting you, since you're the type of person who thinks people shouldn't get to make excuses not to entertain them. Weird!

Sure...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

This is so bizarre. Why are you so invested in whether or not other people have parties? I have lots of them, but simply cannot fathom the kind of person who really gets upset if others don't like hosting. And really? People don't need "excuses" not to have parties. And always consider that your friends may be having parties and not inviting you, since you're the type of person who thinks people shouldn't get to make excuses not to entertain them. Weird!

Sure...

+1 to the Sure....

[Anonymous]

This is DC, maybe people don't see you or your guests as people who can do anything for them.

[Anonymous]

I might be considered someone who reciprocates less. We'll entertain small groups of family and close friends on a fairly regular basis, and have a great time. But, for "work" friends, I think we reciprocate much less compared with the invitations we get. We invite just our close work friends over.

The main reason is that DH is not big on entertaining-- I think I get more stressed about everything being perfect, and he doesn't like that. When we're home, he just wants to relax.

Also he's not quite an introvert but he just likes being with close friends and family, and doesn't really like mingling or superficial conversations. And he doesn't like the 'schmoozing' (word I'll use loosely) at a professional event.

Plus, a reason why we don't host large gatherings of work friends is that the work friends all know pretty much exactly what everyone else makes. The people who entertain most from those circles tend to have the largest and most expensive homes. Neither of us works in a big law firm anymore but this issue was especially significant during those years. We've always lived below our means and our place is nice but small. We've gotten some negative/odd comments from a small few, and so don't really care to host large work gatherings if that's what would happen. I know most people aren't like this, but when one or a small number make such a comment, it makes me unlikely to host future gatherings.

[Anonymous]

My husband travels for a living, he just wants to come home amd sit on the couch and play with our daughter.

If you have a problem, stop inviting us. You aren't real friends anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again... To the poster who asked where I was from: Nope, I'm from the east coast.

To the poster who accused me of posting often about my awesome parties, sorry, also nope. This is my first post on the topic.

Also, I didn't mean to make it sound.like I thought we were awesome. I don't think that at all actually-just meant to say I like hosting and it's basically always fun (for us anyway, otherwise what's the point in doing it?). Anyway, thanks for the other posts. It seems as if most people like to be included. I just wanted the reality check after the other thread got snarky.

In response to your original question, not all people like hosting, nor is it fun for them. For some, it can be stressful, for whatever reason. You are comfortable with hosting. Have a party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband travels for a living, he just wants to come home amd sit on the couch and play with our daughter.

If you have a problem, stop inviting us. You aren't real friends anyway.

Fascinating. How do you find the time to attend other people's events?

[Anonymous]

pp, what comment did the person make about your small house?

[Anonymous]

If you can't stand hosting, please consider other ways you can reciprocate. Is there something particularly nice you can bring to a party to help the hosts (with their advance consent)? Do you host play dates or offer to pick up your friends' kids from activities/parties? Do you organize events off site? Pick up the tab occasionally? Help clean up after a host's party? Ask yourself whether you are really contributing in some way or just making excuses for yourself. And if your anxiety is that severe, please consider reaching out for help and/or push yourself a little outside your comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't stand hosting, please consider other ways you can reciprocate. Is there something particularly nice you can bring to a party to help the hosts (with their advance consent)? Do you host play dates or offer to pick up your friends' kids from activities/parties? Do you organize events off site? Pick up the tab occasionally? Help clean up after a host's party? Ask yourself whether you are really contributing in some way or just making excuses for yourself. And if your anxiety is that severe, please consider reaching out for help and/or push yourself a little outside your comfort zone.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Op again...I just wanted to say I'm not the one(s) who keeps posting that people who come to any event, large or small, should feel obligated in any way to host anything or bring something to what we host. I swear all I want is your company (otherwise I wouldn't be getting in touch), and I can't possibly the the only person in DC who feels that way. As far as I'm concerned a real friendship shouldn't carry any "obligations"...Just saying yes to getting together is fine with me - as long as that yes is a genuine wish to share time with me/us and not a yes because you don't want to hurt my feelings or have some other agenda!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again...I just wanted to say I'm not the one(s) who keeps posting that people who come to any event, large or small, should feel obligated in any way to host anything or bring something to what we host. I swear all I want is your company (otherwise I wouldn't be getting in touch), and I can't possibly the the only person in DC who feels that way. As far as I'm concerned a real friendship shouldn't carry any "obligations"...Just saying yes to getting together is fine with me - as long as that yes is a genuine wish to share time with me/us and not a yes because you don't want to hurt my feelings or have some other agenda!

What most hosts seem to be pointing out is that, if there is a "genuine wish to share time with...", there are a million things that people who don't like to host can do, not to "reciprocate" but simply to continue the fun and "share time with..."

Not doing so merely indicates lack of interest and, for the most part, lazy excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again...I just wanted to say I'm not the one(s) who keeps posting that people who come to any event, large or small, should feel obligated in any way to host anything or bring something to what we host. I swear all I want is your company (otherwise I wouldn't be getting in touch), and I can't possibly the the only person in DC who feels that way. As far as I'm concerned a real friendship shouldn't carry any "obligations"...Just saying yes to getting together is fine with me - as long as that yes is a genuine wish to share time with me/us and not a yes because you don't want to hurt my feelings or have some other agenda!

What most hosts seem to be pointing out is that, if there is a "genuine wish to share time with...", there are a million things that people who don't like to host can do, not to "reciprocate" but simply to continue the fun and "share time with..."

Not doing so merely indicates lack of interest and, for the most part, lazy excuses.

OP again. You are entitled to your opinion. However it's vastly different than mine. I started this post to check the other side of the story, and nothing that has been posted has changed my mind from "people have their personal reasons for not hosting, but it doesn't mean that they don't value my friendship".


Case in point...I called up a friend to see if they wanted to get together this weekwnd. They had plans, but suggested next weekend. Next weekend we have plqns. We spent a while going back and forth until we found a date that worked for both of us...in August. It's still frickin' MAY! I know there were some weekend where we *could* have gotten together, but there was some family or work function that I know would have wiped us out so I said no. I would hope my friend did the same. Now...if I didn't talk to her, who's to say that with one thing and another it would not have been easily 6 weeks before they were able to take a breath and get the energy to call us? Should I have spent all that time.wondering why they didn't ask us to go to dinner with them? Hell no!!!! I don't have that kind of time or energy. Should they feel bad that this was the second time I called to get together that would have been me hosting and make room in their shedule because they felt like they "owed me". Hell no! I would hope they would know that's not the purpose of my call.

Anyway, hosted or hoster...your friends should be your friends If something bugs you that much, speak up. If youbare.uncomfortable saying something, mwybe you should check yourself before you blame others.