s/o...if you don't reciprocate, do you wish I would go away?

[Anonymous]

I would love to reciprocate but we live in a small space. We will have you over for dinner but we can't do large parties because of seating and bathroom access. 20 adults, plus kids, doesn't work well with one bathroom. Does it? Am I wrong in thinking about logistical stuff like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to reciprocate but we live in a small space. We will have you over for dinner but we can't do large parties because of seating and bathroom access. 20 adults, plus kids, doesn't work well with one bathroom. Does it? Am I wrong in thinking about logistical stuff like this?

That is exactly our situation. I'm completely with your thinking. Its tight enough when everyone needs the bathroom with a few people let alone a crowd.

[Anonymous]

OP, we don't host because it's really stressful for me - I worry about things being perfect, etc. But keep inviting me!

[Anonymous]

"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 23:51.

Please keep inviting us! My husband gets very stressed out hosting at home (wants to make sure everything is PERFECT, so he can't relax), so we don't do it much. We do want to hang out, though!

This is us, but I'm the stressed one, not DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a heavy hosted also. I think others tend to be lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it's great when people host lots of parties and events. I will go when I can.

What annoys me: (1) people that only host events where I'm expected to buy something. some people have lots of tupperware/pampered chef/avon/passion/silpat/stella&dot parties. I hate those things. And (2) when someone hosts MANY charity events and then gets annoyed when people don't respond favorably to the 5th event in 3 months as they did to the first. A girl in my circle does that and she hounds people to attend her events and it makes me REALLY not want to go or support anything she does. Seriously, raise money once or twice a year and give it a rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host a lot of parties because I like to and I am the type of person who makes my fun. I dom't think about reciprocation because a few couples have mentioned that planning big parties are overwhelming for them. That's okay for me because I have fun planning..no biggie. Op just have fun and if it gets to a point where it isn't then dial back. As for the pp who says she "chuckles and declines." Have to say that you come across as angry and jealous to me. Good that you decline as I wouldn't think you are a good friend anyway

LOL, your read of my post was angry and jealous? You don't spend much time reading then, do you? I was just giving OP an honest answer. I generally find that people who praise themselves constantly are a little bit off. Nothing wrong with saying "I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich" if you think you do, but do it constantly and it just reeks of insecurity.

BTW, I like to host parties, as well. We do lots of it. I've never once thought about people reciprocating. Some of our friends reciprocate constantly and others, less often. Who cares? We're just glad to see them. We have the space and the appetite for entertaining. Not everyone does and that's cool. And if you're keeping score about how many times your friends are "eating for free" at your house, that just seems kind of gross to me. If you can't afford it or have to hold a grudge or keep score about it, stop doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to reciprocate but we live in a small space. We will have you over for dinner but we can't do large parties because of seating and bathroom access. 20 adults, plus kids, doesn't work well with one bathroom. Does it? Am I wrong in thinking about logistical stuff like this?

Same here. And we have really little outdoor space, while our friends have yards, etc. So, it feels awkward hosting anyone in the spring/summer when we'll just be cooped up inside when it's really nice out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Heavy hoster" here. We only have one bathroom and it's upstairs. We've had parties with 70+ people, half children. It's not a problem. Most people at this stage in our lives are not drinking ten beers at one party. Stop making excuses. Have a small party -- tell people you're ordering pizza. Buy some drinks. Done.

I think you may be underestimating whether it really is a problem. We have a good friend who has an annual holiday party. His condo is really small, but he invites tons of people. Because he's pretty much an awesome guy, lots of people go. It's so crowded, though, and the bathroom situation is an issue. To my knowledge no one has ever mentioned it to him, so he probably thinks it's fine. We go to his party to see him and other people we really like, but we never stay very long because it's just too many people in a small space.

[Anonymous]

Op here again... To the poster who asked where I was from: Nope, I'm from the east coast.

To the poster who accused me of posting often about my awesome parties, sorry, also nope. This is my first post on the topic.

Also, I didn't mean to make it sound.like I thought we were awesome. I don't think that at all actually-just meant to say I like hosting and it's basically always fun (for us anyway, otherwise what's the point in doing it?). Anyway, thanks for the other posts. It seems as if most people like to be included. I just wanted the reality check after the other thread got snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're totally wonderful, but we're just lame (and infrequent) hosts-- at least at home. We really do have our reasons for this, some of which could be quite personal and you actually wouldn't want to hear them.

Hope you're ok with being invited to join us in other activities. And please, keep including us in your plans.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest answer? If you think you're so awesome and act that way in front of your friends, that may be why they don't reciprocate. Your post came across as self-congratulatory. We have friends who think a party they throw is going to be the highlight of their friend's year and they basically put that on the evite. DH and I chuckle as we decline, mainly due to the boasty-awkward feel I get from the invites. So, if you are like that, people just might be turned off... But in fairness, if so they shouldn't be going. We don't attend these events that annoy me.

No, OP, your post didn't come across that way at all. This person is taking it the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest answer? If you think you're so awesome and act that way in front of your friends, that may be why they don't reciprocate. Your post came across as self-congratulatory. We have friends who think a party they throw is going to be the highlight of their friend's year and they basically put that on the evite. DH and I chuckle as we decline, mainly due to the boasty-awkward feel I get from the invites. So, if you are like that, people just might be turned off... But in fairness, if so they shouldn't be going. We don't attend these events that annoy me.

No, OP, your post didn't come across that way at all. This person is taking it the wrong way.

OP again. Thanks!