s/o...if you don't reciprocate, do you wish I would go away?
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Anonymous
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So we (I guess) would be what dcum considers "heavy hosters". We have a regular yearly party that our friends plan on attending (we start getting the "you ARE having the party again, right?" months in advance) so I'm fairly sure that that's not an imposition. However, we will occasionally just do things randomly...like call a local friend and say "hey, we going to x restaurant onquiet saturday afternoon to get our young ds used to eating out. Want to take your similarly aged dc come with us?", or if we've made plans to have one couple and their kids over, we'll shoot an email to other friends (who have met the first couple in the past and have gotten along) and ask if they'd like to come over too.
This plan works well for us. If people are available and want to participate in whatever, it's a good time. If they say no, then no worries. However, there are a few couples that will say yes fairly often, and it seems like we have a good time, but they rarely if ever reciprocate. I never really thought about it b/c it's.so "loosey goosey", but could it be that they only say yes because they feel bad about saying no? Do they really wish we'd go away and leave them be? Why do you not reciprocate? I've always assumed it was because people are busy and even if they have good intentions they turn around and 6 weeks have gone by (happens to me all the time). However, could it be that we're not as wonderful as we think?  
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Anonymous
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For us it's because we are busy, introverted, cheap -- in that order. D
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Anonymous
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You're totally wonderful, but we're just lame (and infrequent) hosts-- at least at home. We really do have our reasons for this, some of which could be quite personal and you actually wouldn't want to hear them.
Hope you're ok with being invited to join us in other activities. And please, keep including us in your plans. |
Anonymous
| PP here. Six weeks are nothing to the non-reciprocators. I start feeling guilty at around 6 months. |
Anonymous
| Honest answer? If you think you're so awesome and act that way in front of your friends, that may be why they don't reciprocate. Your post came across as self-congratulatory. We have friends who think a party they throw is going to be the highlight of their friend's year and they basically put that on the evite. DH and I chuckle as we decline, mainly due to the boasty-awkward feel I get from the invites. So, if you are like that, people just might be turned off... But in fairness, if so they shouldn't be going. We don't attend these events that annoy me. |
Anonymous
This is me, as well! FWIW, most poeple wouldn't accept an invite if they didn't want to go. |
Anonymous
| OT but OP are you from WA or NV by any chance? |
Anonymous
Sounds like us. I think you are ok as long as the people keep saying yes. |
Anonymous
| People will generally decline if they don't want to come. I like to invite people out but hosting at my home is stressful for me. So I don't do a lot of it. I wish I were one of those people who could be a relaxed, fun host. |
Anonymous
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I agree with 23:51.
Please keep inviting us! My husband gets very stressed out hosting at home (wants to make sure everything is PERFECT, so he can't relax), so we don't do it much. We do want to hang out, though! |
Anonymous
| I really don't like large parties - we're introverts and we find them unpleasant. Those are the invitations we tend to decline, and we host large gatherings only rarely. Not completely relevant to your OP, I realize, but these different posts on hosting and reciprocating have made me realize that some folks are possibly misreading introverts. |
Anonymous
Also, I have a lot of friends and get a lot of invites. I dont live in a large place and can't host them all. So I also organize events out. However, this is your second post OP on your super awesome parties. Maybe you just aren't as amazing as you think you are? I am the organize in my group of friends, I just accept that is how it is. But what I don't do is go around as the party-martyr. Get over it. |
Anonymous
Not your friends, just the rare few like the OP. |
Anonymous
| DH is an introvert and I'm an extrovert. It makes it tough for us. I'd love to host parties and DH hates it, so that's why we don't reciprocate very often. |
Anonymous
| I host a lot of parties because I like to and I am the type of person who makes my fun. I dom't think about reciprocation because a few couples have mentioned that planning big parties are overwhelming for them. That's okay for me because I have fun planning..no biggie. Op just have fun and if it gets to a point where it isn't then dial back. As for the pp who says she "chuckles and declines." Have to say that you come across as angry and jealous to me. Good that you decline as I wouldn't think you are a good friend anyway |