s/o...if you don't reciprocate, do you wish I would go away?

[Anonymous]

I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

[Anonymous]

I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

[Anonymous]

Yeah...there's a troll on this thread (or one honestly, seriously disgruntled heavy hoster). There's no other reason someone is calling out basically every post that explains why people don't host (you know, actually answering the question) and saying that they're in the wrong.

Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

I have a helpful hint for you: when you are writing your note of thanks for the wonderful evening, take out your planner right then and there. In the note, suggest two dates and times that would work for you to host the host. Then it's up to them to select the date that works best.

[Anonymous]

we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

Yes, we both WOH FT and outsource housework twice a month, yard work, etc. Plus our kids are older. If you are in need of saving money to the extent you don't outsource, you probably can't afford to entertain regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

OP here - we do have a cleaning person come once a month (gave up Starbucks & fast food for myself in tradeoff - totally worth it to me!) but I"m also lucky enough to telecommute full time, which helps at least get the beds made and laundry done. In general though, when we make plans to have people over I try to keep it low key (doesn't always work) and it's not uncommon for me to spend an hour the day of the party shoving things in drawers and closets just so the house LOOKS presentable! Mostly though we'll do things elsewhere - like dinner or lunch out or a trip to a musuem, so I don't have to deal with the house. There's tons of free stuff around if you look, so spontaneous hosting doesn't necessarily have to cost $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Mostly though we'll do things elsewhere - like dinner or lunch out or a trip to a musuem, so I don't have to deal with the house. There's tons of free stuff around if you look, so spontaneous hosting doesn't necessarily have to cost $$$.

OH, okay, thanks. That does make me feel a little better. Sniff sniff. Yeah, we are all about organizing outings to dinner, lunch, a trip to a museum, a trip to the pool, finding fun free things to do, etc. In fact, I am pretty much the uberorganizer of things like that for our little group of friends. We just don't host people in our HOUSE. Well, hopefully (?) people will know then that we do like them and do extend ourselves and do like to do things with them, even though we don't throw lavish gatherings in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

Yes, we both WOH FT and outsource housework twice a month, yard work, etc. Plus our kids are older. If you are in need of saving money to the extent you don't outsource, you probably can't afford to entertain regularly.

OH, okay, thanks, PP. That does make me feel a tiny bit better. Yeah, we are definitely in the "in need of saving $$ to the extent we don't outsource" category. At least for a while now. Sigh. (And our children are young.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask this completely openly and without any guile (rare for this board! ) but of you who are what you are calling "heavy hosters," are you guys WOHMs and, if so, do you outsource any household stuff, like cleaning or yardwork or anything like that? If not, I am totally in awe that you would be able to host and I am seriously looking for tips. I WOH and we don't out-source anything (saving $$) so, bw work, childcare, and trying to stay on top of stuff at home, I just don't know where or how or when to host anything! I can barely stay on top of day-to-day stuff, plus I never have time to exercise, wah, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water! Then if I get an invitation to one of your lovely gatherings, I am just like, "HOW does she do it????" and feel totally crappy about myself, our life, etc. b/c I must be really missing something here!

Yes, we both WOH FT and outsource housework twice a month, yard work, etc. Plus our kids are older. If you are in need of saving money to the extent you don't outsource, you probably can't afford to entertain regularly.

OH, okay, thanks, PP. That does make me feel a tiny bit better. Yeah, we are definitely in the "in need of saving $$ to the extent we don't outsource" category. At least for a while now. Sigh. (And our children are young.)

(PP still here: but as I mentioned above I do work really hard and often to organize outings to museums, pool, local free or low-cost stuff around town, fun dinners out, that type of thing, so hopefully our friends do still feel we are extending ourselves and enjoy them and wish to reciprocate in this way!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

I have a helpful hint for you: when you are writing your note of thanks for the wonderful evening, take out your planner right then and there. In the note, suggest two dates and times that would work for you to host the host. Then it's up to them to select the date that works best.

HA! I don't even HAVE a planner!! Like I said, I'm a terrible planner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I'm always so happy when people invite me places!! I'm embarassed to say, that I rarely reciprocate. I'm just a really terrible planner.

I have a helpful hint for you: when you are writing your note of thanks for the wonderful evening, take out your planner right then and there. In the note, suggest two dates and times that would work for you to host the host. Then it's up to them to select the date that works best.

HA! I don't even HAVE a planner!! Like I said, I'm a terrible planner.

I AM a planner and a thank-you note writer, and even I think that this suggestion is a bit of overkill. After you see someone, you sort of think, "Ok, check! Have fulfilled my social obligation with them for a while." Plus, I need other weekends to see OTHER friends and families -- spread it all around. I cannot just keep going back and forth hosting and being hosted by the same other family! To then turn around and plan something again with the same family is too much, in my humble opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband travels for a living, he just wants to come home amd sit on the couch and play with our daughter.

If you have a problem, stop inviting us. You aren't real friends anyway.

Fascinating. How do you find the time to attend other people's events?

I go alone without him, my close friends understand the nature of his job requires it. When he's home I also go without him and he stays with out daughter. Or...I don't go.

So do you treat your hosts to lunch or do something other than host to reciprocate, or are you just a freeloader?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we get invited to places all the time, but never reciprocate. our house is a mess, we have two dogs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable. clearly people don't mind as we keep getting invited.

Why don't you host your friends at a restaurant or a bar?

that isn't being a host, that is meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant. sure, everyone does that.