18yo about to be let go from summer job because of phone use

[Anonymous]

Many employers lock up phones and Apple Watches. It’s not uncommon. She needs to leave it at home or risk being fired. And the boyfriend sounds like a jerk and should be dumped.

[Anonymous]

She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

[Anonymous]

Take her to a temp agency. She needs a job.

[Anonymous]

Start vacuuming outside her bedroom door at 6:00 am so she gets up and gets a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start vacuuming outside her bedroom door at 6:00 am so she gets up and gets a job.

Mom, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

Well apparently she doesn't care about pleasing her manager. She should apologize, tell manager she'll keep phone in car, and beg forgiveness.

She was told the "rules" of the job - probably a couple of times. She did not follow them. Good for the employer for firing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start vacuuming outside her bedroom door at 6:00 am so she gets up and gets a job.

Teenagers have a different circadian rhythm than adults you dolt. Perfectly normal to stay up late and sleep late. Restaurant jobs are actually ideal for this age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She says he’s mostly calling her, but I’d say it’s half and half. She is an extreme people pleaser and never says no to anyone. She doesn’t want to leave the phone at home. OP

Doesn’t sound like she’s trying to please her boss????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

Weird that you permit sleepovers with the boyfriend. Just because she turned 18 doesn't mean she has the judgement and sense of an adult. Using the phone at work is irresponsible, disrespectful, unsanitary and immature. You have more work to do with this young woman...why did you stop parenting so early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

But she almost certainly won’t end up doing anything productive because she clearly has a family (or at least one parent) who is unwilling to impose any consequences or hold her accountable and whom she is clearly taking lessons from.

You act like you are just some helpless bystander in this situation despite the fact that she is living in your home and presumably being subsidized by you….Ten years from now you’ll probably be back on DCUM complaining about your failure to launch DD.


Take away her actual phone (not just cancel her phone plan) or put severe limits on usage. If she’s not otherwise working give her substantial household chores and/or require her to do daily community service rather than just letting her stay in bed until 2 and then spend the afternoon snacking and scrolling online. If she’s not willing to follow through with this then stop paying for any non essentials (including car/gas to hang out with her boyfriend).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot going on here, but what I would first address is why her boyfriend calls her when he knows she’s at work. Is he controlling in other ways?

This was my first thought too.

She may have told him it’s ok, she’s at work but can talk and she genuinely felt that her being on the phone did not interfere with her duties. Then you have the conversation with her about work responsibility etc.

Or if she told him she’s at work and can’t speak, told him that manager warned her, etc and still kept calling, then it’s a different issue and conversation entirely.

Be supportive op, see if dd can try one more time with the manager and if not then it’ll be a hard learned lesson.

[Anonymous]

The boyfriend sounds like VERY bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

I'm sorry? You don't think it's rude to accept wages for work that you aren't doing, and then throw away all your second, third, and fourth chances?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what the OP was looking for here.

Team manager, all the way. Lots of unemployed teens looking for jobs this summer - she will be replaced immediately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ended up calling in and quitting. She was going to get fired anyway, and since she's someone hates conflict, quitting was what she chose to do. She has a hard time standing up for herself. That doesn't mean she's always doing what other people tell her to do, but she's never rude, hostile, or intentionally tries to hurt anyone's feelings even when she disagrees.

She's also not a spender. She saves all the money she earns and doesn't ask anyone for money. We pay her phone bill, but even if I turned it off, she'd just use Wi-Fi to call him through FaceTime audio or video. She also has apps she uses to call people that don't require cell service, so shutting off the phone wouldn't really change much.

I don't know what she's going to do this summer now. It's going to be harder to find a new job this late, especially because there are certain jobs she doesn't like. She hates being out in the sun and prefers indoor work. I’m also worried that this will become a pattern, and that she’ll just get fired again. I guess she'll have to figure something out.

When she's not working, she'll usually stay in bed until around 2 p.m. talking on the phone, then come downstairs, grab some strawberries or carrots and maybe a bag of chips, and spend most of the afternoon on the couch using her phone.

Her boyfriend works too, so they don't spend every waking minute together. In the evenings she usually sees him after work. Sometimes they go exercise or go to the gym together, and by the time they're done it's late like 11, so she'll shower at his house and stay the night. Some nights they'll go out to a party or hang out with friends, but that's not most nights. Other days, if they skip the gym, he'll come over for dinner and sometimes she wants him to spend the night. Or she'll go to his house and spend the day there. Sometimes she spends several days in a row there. She sleeps over there quite a bit and isn’t always just sitting at home.

She’ll have to now try to find other things to do though. OP

If you’re not a troll, and I really hope you are, I want you to know that you totally wasted my time in seeking advice. Your above message is ridiculous. You have not raised your kid well.