14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried really listening to her side of things? Not because you will change your mind- but so that you can take her into account next time?
I think this is the age where girls start to realize they want a say in what they do. So make her feel heard.
“We’re doing this trip, and I need you on board, but can we talk about what you would have rather done? Can we find a way to incorporate that into our next trip?”
So maybe not Hawaii- but have her help with picking an activity or a place or a hotel for the next one. Whatever she’s into. If it’s social media, there are a ton of social media popular restaurants that would be easy to add to a trip.

She’s being a jerk now, but the best way to prevent that in the future may be to give her a bit more control.

You do you but I believe this is how current parenting got us into having kids like this. It’s ok to say we’re going to Italy to visit family and not give in to a tantrum about Hawaii or find a way to appease her.
Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I think what people are trying to get at here is that there are two options:

1 Either this is a moody teen having a moment, in which case you can pack for her and manage to get her into the car and on the plane. Ask her why Hawaii: surely there are things in Italy that can be the same as Hawaii. She can post wonderful pictures of Italian landmarks to impress her friends, etc.

2. Or this is a mentally ill patient who has autism, or other diagnoses, and who will risk all hell breaking loose by physically refusing to leave the house. In which case, you have a very serious issue on your hands, because this is not run-of-the-mill brat behavior. It's a brain difference that needs to be managed lifelong.

+1
This right here. Which one is she OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Why would you embarrass her? Take some parenting classes and talk to her. Maybe she just wants to stay home if you constantly travel. Not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

What “privileges” have been taken away? Is there another parent in the home? If so, what is their take on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Why would you embarrass her? Take some parenting classes and talk to her. Maybe she just wants to stay home if you constantly travel. Not unreasonable.

For a 14 year old to refuse to go on a trip??? Yes, it is unreasonable. If embarrassment is the only thing that will work, it is the tool that should be used. Unfortunately she wasn’t taught respect earlier, so now is the time.

[Anonymous]

My DD is almost 14 so I empathize with this age. It’s hard. BUT she doesn’t get to refuse to go on a family trip. Tell her she needs to get her act together. She is going. Her attitude will have an effect on the kind if summer she has. If she acts a brat don’t pay for any extras this summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Oooh. We have relatives in a foreign country and it was around this age that I started trying very hard to get out of the annual trip. When I was 15 I was so unpleasant that my mom started planning the trip without me and just taking my brother when I was away at camp for part of the summer. I absolutely hated that trip -- we spent so much time in other people's living rooms, listening to relatives I barely knew talk about the war. No kids my age, nothing to do. There could have been ways to make that trip more interesting for a teen -- such as giving me a chance to go somewhere on my own, seeing if the relatives knew any kids my age, etc. I know that I should not have been such a b---h to my parents about it and I knew that at the time, but nobody would listen to me. I wasn't 8 years old but the trip repeated itself each year as if I never got any older.

I do not agree with your kid's behavior, of course, but if you get an opening, really try to listen about what is bothering her about the trip. Can you give her some freedom while she is there? Let her take a train somewhere, do something a little different? Europe is safer than here anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Oooh. We have relatives in a foreign country and it was around this age that I started trying very hard to get out of the annual trip. When I was 15 I was so unpleasant that my mom started planning the trip without me and just taking my brother when I was away at camp for part of the summer. I absolutely hated that trip -- we spent so much time in other people's living rooms, listening to relatives I barely knew talk about the war. No kids my age, nothing to do. There could have been ways to make that trip more interesting for a teen -- such as giving me a chance to go somewhere on my own, seeing if the relatives knew any kids my age, etc. I know that I should not have been such a b---h to my parents about it and I knew that at the time, but nobody would listen to me. I wasn't 8 years old but the trip repeated itself each year as if I never got any older.

I do not agree with your kid's behavior, of course, but if you get an opening, really try to listen about what is bothering her about the trip. Can you give her some freedom while she is there? Let her take a train somewhere, do something a little different? Europe is safer than here anyway.

Oh, and I meant to add -- you know what is my happy place now, where I love to visit? That country I hated to go to. I love it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Oooh. We have relatives in a foreign country and it was around this age that I started trying very hard to get out of the annual trip. When I was 15 I was so unpleasant that my mom started planning the trip without me and just taking my brother when I was away at camp for part of the summer. I absolutely hated that trip -- we spent so much time in other people's living rooms, listening to relatives I barely knew talk about the war. No kids my age, nothing to do. There could have been ways to make that trip more interesting for a teen -- such as giving me a chance to go somewhere on my own, seeing if the relatives knew any kids my age, etc. I know that I should not have been such a b---h to my parents about it and I knew that at the time, but nobody would listen to me. I wasn't 8 years old but the trip repeated itself each year as if I never got any older.

I do not agree with your kid's behavior, of course, but if you get an opening, really try to listen about what is bothering her about the trip. Can you give her some freedom while she is there? Let her take a train somewhere, do something a little different? Europe is safer than here anyway.

Another dumb American. Europe is NOT safer than America, and certainly NOT for a 14 year old girl going places by herself. What sort of blithering idiot are you?

I agree that OP should find ways to make this trip more bearable for her teen. But unless she knows the area like the back of her hand and speak without accent, no I would not leave her to fend for herself. I took the Paris metro by myself at 12 to get to and from school. But I lived there. OP's kid does not live where her relatives are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

No. She still refused to pack all day, so I packed for her. I think calling someone to try to persuade her to go would help if she still refuses to physically leave. She would definitely be ashamed and embarrassed. We have close family in Italy, so we visit in Italy often, which is why she doesn’t want to go.

Oooh. We have relatives in a foreign country and it was around this age that I started trying very hard to get out of the annual trip. When I was 15 I was so unpleasant that my mom started planning the trip without me and just taking my brother when I was away at camp for part of the summer. I absolutely hated that trip -- we spent so much time in other people's living rooms, listening to relatives I barely knew talk about the war. No kids my age, nothing to do. There could have been ways to make that trip more interesting for a teen -- such as giving me a chance to go somewhere on my own, seeing if the relatives knew any kids my age, etc. I know that I should not have been such a b---h to my parents about it and I knew that at the time, but nobody would listen to me. I wasn't 8 years old but the trip repeated itself each year as if I never got any older.

I do not agree with your kid's behavior, of course, but if you get an opening, really try to listen about what is bothering her about the trip. Can you give her some freedom while she is there? Let her take a train somewhere, do something a little different? Europe is safer than here anyway.

Another dumb American. Europe is NOT safer than America, and certainly NOT for a 14 year old girl going places by herself. What sort of blithering idiot are you?

I agree that OP should find ways to make this trip more bearable for her teen. But unless she knows the area like the back of her hand and speak without accent, no I would not leave her to fend for herself. I took the Paris metro by myself at 12 to get to and from school. But I lived there. OP's kid does not live where her relatives are.

My goodness. So much anger there, my friend! Dumb American? Blithering idiot? Chill out. Taking a metro by yourself at the old age of 12 is not a flex, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance at all she had a conflict or incident with a family member in Italy and doesn’t want to spend time with them?

[Anonymous]

OP you'd better update before 6 AM! We need to know how this turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

Ok so if you guys do go to Hawaii next year make alternate plans for her. Can she stay with grandparents when you guys go on trips from now on?