14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lie. Promise her a trip to Hawaii if she comes to Italy.

No!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.

You’d call neighbors at 3am?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why some constantly travel and refuse to be home and relax.

Idiot. There is no "constant" travel here--that's in your head.

Not everyone is from your little insular Pennsyltucky town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her she’s getting on that plane or CPS is coming to get her to go to foster care. Her choice.

I don't think that's a thing. Like if OP does this, that means OP is abandoning her child without supervision, so her daughter may be taken into foster care, but OP is also in trouble and maybe loses her other kids. It's not free babysitting.

[Anonymous]

I suspect OP is a troll. There are no flights to Italy that leave the DC area at 6:00 A.M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?

How do you pick up a teenager and put them in car? Let me guess, you have toddlers!

+1
She’s 14, not 2. She’s too old to be picked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?

How do you pick up a teenager and put them in car? Let me guess, you have toddlers!

Yeah I would’ve thought like PP too before I knew my kid had pathological demand avoidance. I think I could coerce said kid with threats for something this big, but I absolutely understand that you cannot force a child to do something and many really will burn the world down around them before do what they’re told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.

As a neighbor I’d tell you to grow up and parent your own kids. This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her she’s getting on that plane or CPS is coming to get her to go to foster care. Her choice.

Cos would not take her and if they did parents would be charged with abuse or neglect and ordered to pay child support. What kind of person are you?

[Anonymous]

What is her beef with Italy? Can you add some beach time there if that is the issue?

Do you have other kids? I would not budge on making her go but I would be flexible on what she joins for once there (not including family time, which she really needs to do).

[Anonymous]

What's with all the suggestions to leave her with a neighbor or friend and have them ground her? Why would anyone take on the responsibility of this kid last minute.

[Anonymous]

do NOT give in to this spoiled brat behavior. start with x punishment and add to the length of the punishment for every time she is a brat.

lay it out clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

Not to be rude, but this girl is spoiled rotten. You have to get her under control.

Seriously. Do you travel frequently? My kid was so excited to go to London at age 14. It was his first trip overseas and he couldn’t wait to get a passport and get a stamp in it (they didn’t stamp it I remember being the same way when I was 22 on my first international trip.

DS is spoiled rotten with travel and still has never acted like this. Sure, there have been a couple times when he was 13-14 where he wasn't super excited at the start, but by the time we were at the destination he was having fun.

I don't know if OPs kid is a brat, this strong reaction makes me wonder if there are mental health issues at play or something else going on. When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who, in hindsight, was a complete jerk. I can vividly remember not wanting to go on a vacation with my family because I didn't want to leave him for a week because I knew he would probably cheat or break up with me. I went, spent far too much time at the Internet cafe emailing him. And yes, when we got together after my trip he has a massive hickey that he tried to say was a burn from a lightbulb. 🙄. So if this behavior is truly out of character for her DD, I would wonder if something is going on socially.

[Anonymous]

I would try to force her and if she has a meltdown and you are actually unable to go on the trip, I would require her to reimburse you for the cost. Absolutely no way would I consider paying even more money for a babysitter (if you could even find one) to care for my ungrateful child who doesn't want to go to Italy of all places. Geez!

[Anonymous]

OP--how are things coming along with your DD?

If it was me, I would sit down and have an adult chat with her. How does she envision this week playing out? Does she think that she's going to stay home by herself? Let her know that legally, you cannot do that. She has to be under the supervision of an adult. Whom does she suggest? She's welcome to try and find someone to stay with but she has to make the calls, ask, and come up with a plan. If she is unable to do so, then she needs to go with the family.

If she's going to be a pissy brat, then no one needs to be subjected to her behavior. She can stay in the hotel room while everyone else enjoys Italy. But make it clear that she cannot hold the family hostage; you function as a unit; and sometimes the unit does what a single individual does not want to do.

Once you get back, you need family therapy to learn how to parent your child. Teenage years are tough!