14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way I cancel my vacation for a bratty 14yo. She goes. If she stays home, she stays home with a sitter, no screens, no phone, no outings, no takeout, and she is grounded for a month. She gets no souvenirs or gifts from the trip, and she gets no allowance or spending money until I've recouped the cost of her ticket. 14 year olds do not get to make these decisions.

+1 and turn off the wifi before you go

[Anonymous]

OP, hope all works out well.

[Anonymous]

Hoping OP checks in with an update. She should be heading to the airport soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her she’s getting on that plane or CPS is coming to get her to go to foster care. Her choice.

Cos would not take her and if they did parents would be charged with abuse or neglect and ordered to pay child support. What kind of person are you?

The kid doesn’t know they won’t come or that you wouldn’t actually call for that. It’s a threat. It’s an extreme threat but holding your entire family hostage for a trip because it isn’t Hawaii is also extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she autistic and does she habitually display mental rigidity? What is the destination and what, exactly, are her concerns about it? Maybe some of them are legitimate and you could compromise on some activities?

Good Lord she sounds like a normal intransigent teenager. Why must people always jump to diagnoses like autism as a reaction to everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?

To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?

Pack enough snacks for her to sleep at the airport for the week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

Wow, spoiled brat. But you raised her. Soft parenting is why kids act this way. In my day my parents could look at us a certain way and we would shape up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried really listening to her side of things? Not because you will change your mind- but so that you can take her into account next time?
I think this is the age where girls start to realize they want a say in what they do. So make her feel heard.
“We’re doing this trip, and I need you on board, but can we talk about what you would have rather done? Can we find a way to incorporate that into our next trip?”
So maybe not Hawaii- but have her help with picking an activity or a place or a hotel for the next one. Whatever she’s into. If it’s social media, there are a ton of social media popular restaurants that would be easy to add to a trip.

She’s being a jerk now, but the best way to prevent that in the future may be to give her a bit more control.

Someone already said DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS

[Anonymous]

Where is your spouse?
What do they think you both should do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems op is gone. Troll post? I sure hope so.

After getting called out about the lack of flights to Italy from Dc. Ghosted.

Or maybe she’s in Italy

[Anonymous]

We weren’t even flying out of DC, but from another state we’ve been in since Saturday. This morning she refused to get out of bed, started crying, and wouldn’t do anything to get ready.
I called my SIL. She stayed on the phone and tried talking to her, but DD ignored her for about 10 minutes and didn’t say a word, just wrapped up in her blanket. After about 20 minutes she finally realized she wasn’t getting off the phone, got up still crying, didn’t even wear her shoes, slammed the door, and then stayed quiet the whole way there and ended up falling asleep.

[Anonymous]

Oh, ong, so the whole Italy trip is canceled.......omg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t even flying out of DC, but from another state we’ve been in since Saturday. This morning she refused to get out of bed, started crying, and wouldn’t do anything to get ready.
I called my SIL. She stayed on the phone and tried talking to her, but DD ignored her for about 10 minutes and didn’t say a word, just wrapped up in her blanket. After about 20 minutes she finally realized she wasn’t getting off the phone, got up still crying, didn’t even wear her shoes, slammed the door, and then stayed quiet the whole way there and ended up falling asleep.

I’m confused. Stayed quiet the whole way to the airport? So you made it?
You need to have a serious conversation with her and here attitude towards family life.

[Anonymous]

No I think it's canceled, per the post before the last one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you'd better update before 6 AM! We need to know how this turns out.

Now I’m going to have to wait 6 more hours to find out if this kid went or not.