14yo refusing to go on trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her that if family had to cancel, she will pay back all expenses incurred. And be grounded for a month.

Easier said than done. What 14yr old has that type of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

This is hilarious. She probably wants beach pictures like all of her friends are getting. Especially if they are traveling with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just let her stay home as long as she has someone to stay with. I was a complete under batshit b**** to my family when we went on vacation when I was 14.

How to find a sitter this late? And it needs to be a really mean strict one

I guess I was thinking more along the lines of staying with a friend or family. I would’ve much preferred that when I was 14.

But this sort of behavior isn't about what the 14 yo prefers. And by giving in to her, it will just make her hold the family hostage more in the future.

I take it you're the PP who was the b**** when you were 14. Did your parents make you go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her that if family had to cancel, she will pay back all expenses incurred. And be grounded for a month.

Easier said than done. What 14yr old has that type of money?

They’ll be in debt for a long time, giving them frequent reminders of their bad decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP

Not to be rude, but this girl is spoiled rotten. You have to get her under control.

[Anonymous]

You tell her she has to come. If she doesn't, you will get babysitters for her every vacation trip your family takes until she finishes high school. So, pass on this family trip and there will never be another family trip for her.

[Anonymous]

Does she expect you to pay for college?

[Anonymous]

What the actual heck eff.

She can’t refuse. Because you aren’t asking. This is where the family is going. You can pack for her and let her know you will be bringing last year’s pajamas for every outfit. (Plus any coats that might be needed - I am not a monster.).

I would negotiate some on activities, number of mornings to sleep in, etc. And I ask my kids to weigh in on family trips as we plan them. But once plans are hooked, that’s that.

[Anonymous]

You could cancel the trip and ground her for the remainder of the school year. Make a payment plan to pay for the trip that everyone lost out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her she has to come. If she doesn't, you will get babysitters for her every vacation trip your family takes until she finishes high school. So, pass on this family trip and there will never be another family trip for her.

She might like this. Careful!

[Anonymous]

Lie. Promise her a trip to Hawaii if she comes to Italy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the actual heck eff.

She can’t refuse. Because you aren’t asking. This is where the family is going. You can pack for her and let her know you will be bringing last year’s pajamas for every outfit. (Plus any coats that might be needed - I am not a monster.).

I would negotiate some on activities, number of mornings to sleep in, etc. And I ask my kids to weigh in on family trips as we plan them. But once plans are hooked, that’s that.

They are in part going to see family. I don't think there is any negotiating when traveling to see family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lie. Promise her a trip to Hawaii if she comes to Italy.

This is bad advice all around. You don't lie. And you don't reward her (even if it's a lie) in return for a family obligation.

[Anonymous]

There is no way I cancel my vacation for a bratty 14yo. She goes. If she stays home, she stays home with a sitter, no screens, no phone, no outings, no takeout, and she is grounded for a month. She gets no souvenirs or gifts from the trip, and she gets no allowance or spending money until I've recouped the cost of her ticket. 14 year olds do not get to make these decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could cancel the trip and ground her for the remainder of the school year. Make a payment plan to pay for the trip that everyone lost out on.

Why would you do that?
I’d pack for her and make it non negotiable and taking away her phone would be my first move if she has one. It’s a family trip and she’s going. I had one who holed herself in a cruise ship room when she was tortured with a trip to Aruba and it wasn’t her preference. Fine by me. Don’t let her see you sweat or let her see it impact your trip.
Mine is now in college 3 years later and is asking why we didn’t include her on a vacation to Alaska? Girrrrl you are old enough to stay home alone and I’ve already paid cruise fare for one trip you tried to make miserable. Nope.
I really don’t understand kids these days and their entitlement and sense of being able to choose to suit every little whim.