Genuinely don’t understand why people get worked up about weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

So wedding aren't super important family reunion events. Got it. People keep saying otherwise so it's confusing. They are opportunities for a nuclear family to get a free dinner otherwise they don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were invited to my wedding, so I have no dog in the fight.

I’ve been to weddings where my whole family was invited. Some where only DH and I were invited. Heck, I’ve been to a wedding where only I was invited, with no plus one.

I’ve never viewed any invitation as rude. Weddings often have budgets, and I get that. Also, even though “vibe” wasn’t a big deal to me, I can see where some people want an adults only vibe. Whatever, it’s their wedding.

If I want to go and it works for me, I go. With or without my kids, with or without DH. Sometimes we have to decline. OK.

But why do people act so freaking offended? Go, don’t go, whatever you need or want to do. And yeah, maybe some relative will be offended—that’s their choice, not my problem. Whatever.

Weddings, by the way, aren’t family reunions. So if you want a family reunion, plan for and pay for one yourself.

Actually, it is a HUGE family reunion. Your thinking is informed by your culture. My culture prioritizes family in weddings.

Yeah to some of us the stuff people focus on just seems very hollow and honestly almost depressing. Then you think about how there is so much isolation and loneliness in the US in all those studies.

Having a big blow out wedding costing thousands and thousands of dollars isn't that important to some people who would rather save for a down payment on a house. Different priorities, and some make better financial and long term sense rather than hosting a massive family reunion with people who would only come if their kids get a seat at the table so they don't have to find a sitter.

And spending thousands of dollars to spend a weekend without their kids isn’t that important to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s because weddings are now typically a weekend long. When my parents went to evening weddings without us, it was an evening— they’d leave around 4 and be home by midnight.

Now theres “out of town” dinner and departure brunch and the wedding venue is 2.5 hours driving. Of course people resent the ask to get three days of childcare, it’s nothing like a trip to the dentist.

If couples are good with a no, I have no concerns. When they start complaining about the no (or expecting gifts) then it’s extremely tacky. Invitations are not summonses or invoices.

Did you know you can just come to the portion or portions of the festivities that you want to attend? The More You Know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

So wedding aren't super important family reunion events. Got it. People keep saying otherwise so it's confusing. They are opportunities for a nuclear family to get a free dinner otherwise they don't go.

Weddings are important family events and when our family is invited to them we make them a priority.

When only one or two members of our family can attend it’s not a family event. I don’t see where dinner comes into the equation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

The problem is that so many of these people make it all about them rather than just shutting up and getting a babysitter. That other thread has like 20 pages arguing over whether OP should skip her brother's wedding because she has a 3mo. Like ok prioritize extra hours with your baby if you want but by not going to your siblings wedding expect that they will cut you off and it will cause a rift with your parents. Same for other people who don't go because they'd have to fly there but turn around and take their family to Disney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s because weddings are now typically a weekend long. When my parents went to evening weddings without us, it was an evening— they’d leave around 4 and be home by midnight.

Now theres “out of town” dinner and departure brunch and the wedding venue is 2.5 hours driving. Of course people resent the ask to get three days of childcare, it’s nothing like a trip to the dentist.

If couples are good with a no, I have no concerns. When they start complaining about the no (or expecting gifts) then it’s extremely tacky. Invitations are not summonses or invoices.

Did you know you can just come to the portion or portions of the festivities that you want to attend? The More You Know!

I understand no one is upset if I simply decline though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

So wedding aren't super important family reunion events. Got it. People keep saying otherwise so it's confusing. They are opportunities for a nuclear family to get a free dinner otherwise they don't go.

Weddings are important family events and when our family is invited to them we make them a priority.

When only one or two members of our family can attend it’s not a family event. I don’t see where dinner comes into the equation?

When your friend, coworker or neighbor invites you it was never a family event. But if you want to take it as a snub have at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

The problem is that so many of these people make it all about them rather than just shutting up and getting a babysitter. That other thread has like 20 pages arguing over whether OP should skip her brother's wedding because she has a 3mo. Like ok prioritize extra hours with your baby if you want but by not going to your siblings wedding expect that they will cut you off and it will cause a rift with your parents. Same for other people who don't go because they'd have to fly there but turn around and take their family to Disney.[b]

Thank you for providing the example that people do, in fact, get upset when parents decline invitations that don’t include their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s because weddings are now typically a weekend long. When my parents went to evening weddings without us, it was an evening— they’d leave around 4 and be home by midnight.

Now theres “out of town” dinner and departure brunch and the wedding venue is 2.5 hours driving. Of course people resent the ask to get three days of childcare, it’s nothing like a trip to the dentist.

If couples are good with a no, I have no concerns. When they start complaining about the no (or expecting gifts) then it’s extremely tacky. Invitations are not summonses or invoices.

Did you know you can just come to the portion or portions of the festivities that you want to attend? The More You Know!

I understand no one is upset if I simply decline though?

You don't really strike me as the life of the party so, somehow they will all have to get by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

The problem is that so many of these people make it all about them rather than just shutting up and getting a babysitter. That other thread has like 20 pages arguing over whether OP should skip her brother's wedding because she has a 3mo. Like ok prioritize extra hours with your baby if you want but by not going to your siblings wedding expect that they will cut you off and it will cause a rift with your parents. Same for other people who don't go because they'd have to fly there but turn around and take their family to Disney.[b]

Thank you for providing the example that people do, in fact, get upset when parents decline invitations that don’t include their children.

In that case the brother already doesn't like the sibling. The damage is done long before the wedding invites go out. The parents have already backed the brother so this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

So wedding aren't super important family reunion events. Got it. People keep saying otherwise so it's confusing. They are opportunities for a nuclear family to get a free dinner otherwise they don't go.

Weddings are important family events and when our family is invited to them we make them a priority.

When only one or two members of our family can attend it’s not a family event. I don’t see where dinner comes into the equation?

When your friend, coworker or neighbor invites you it was never a family event. But if you want to take it as a snub have at it.

I don’t need to take it as a snub because my friends and co-workers have all invited my whole family. I haven’t been invited to a neighbors wedding yet but we’ll see I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s because weddings are now typically a weekend long. When my parents went to evening weddings without us, it was an evening— they’d leave around 4 and be home by midnight.

Now theres “out of town” dinner and departure brunch and the wedding venue is 2.5 hours driving. Of course people resent the ask to get three days of childcare, it’s nothing like a trip to the dentist.

If couples are good with a no, I have no concerns. When they start complaining about the no (or expecting gifts) then it’s extremely tacky. Invitations are not summonses or invoices.

Did you know you can just come to the portion or portions of the festivities that you want to attend? The More You Know!

I understand no one is upset if I simply decline though?

Um, yes. But you’re clearly still pissy that other people dare to have events that seem over-the-top to you. Really, people “resent” wedding invitations? How very odd. When a wedding doesn’t work for me for some reason, I decline, send a gift, and wish the couple well. But you “resent” people. OK!

[Anonymous]

Waiting for the day you can send an AI version of yourself to these events so that you don’t have to worry about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.

Most adults understand a difference between things that are very important— doctor visits for example— and things that are optional. Mistaking your wedding for being as important as medical care is narcissism.

So wedding aren't super important family reunion events. Got it. People keep saying otherwise so it's confusing. They are opportunities for a nuclear family to get a free dinner otherwise they don't go.

Weddings are important family events and when our family is invited to them we make them a priority.

When only one or two members of our family can attend it’s not a family event. I don’t see where dinner comes into the equation?

When your friend, coworker or neighbor invites you it was never a family event. But if you want to take it as a snub have at it.

I don’t need to take it as a snub because my friends and co-workers have all invited my whole family. I haven’t been invited to a neighbors wedding yet but we’ll see I guess.

So what do you care if other people do things differently? You seem really upset that people go to weddings without their kids or that people dared to invite people without their kids. Many people are perfectly ok with this situation.