Genuinely don’t understand why people get worked up about weddings

[Anonymous]

Kids were invited to my wedding, so I have no dog in the fight.

I’ve been to weddings where my whole family was invited. Some where only DH and I were invited. Heck, I’ve been to a wedding where only I was invited, with no plus one.

I’ve never viewed any invitation as rude. Weddings often have budgets, and I get that. Also, even though “vibe” wasn’t a big deal to me, I can see where some people want an adults only vibe. Whatever, it’s their wedding.

If I want to go and it works for me, I go. With or without my kids, with or without DH. Sometimes we have to decline. OK.

But why do people act so freaking offended? Go, don’t go, whatever you need or want to do. And yeah, maybe some relative will be offended—that’s their choice, not my problem. Whatever.

Weddings, by the way, aren’t family reunions. So if you want a family reunion, plan for and pay for one yourself.

[Anonymous]

Me neither. It's just a party, often with mediocre food.

[Anonymous]

They are expensive as are babysitters.

[Anonymous]

As far, as I'm concerned any excuse to not go, I'm thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s because the only way some people get out of the house?

It never made sense to me either. I have a sister who didn’t attend our other sister’s wedding because kids weren’t invited, but when I asked if I could arrange an on-site sitter so she could enjoy my wedding, she said she obviously wouldn’t be bringing the kids. So who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP.

I think a lot of people just walk around looking for reasons to judge and resent other people. Truly. I do not have the energy for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s because the only way some people get out of the house?

It never made sense to me either. I have a sister who didn’t attend our other sister’s wedding because kids weren’t invited, but when I asked if I could arrange an on-site sitter so she could enjoy my wedding, she said she obviously wouldn’t be bringing the kids. So who knows.

Whatever the reasons, that just sounds wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As far, as I'm concerned any excuse to not go, I'm thrilled.

+1, this is how I feel about destination weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

Got it. So bride and groom need to pay for your kid so you don’t have to pay for a babysitter. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

I don't get exercised about it, but I truly do not understand people who think weddings should be restricted to adults. Every wedding I've been to, my friends' weddings, my side of the family, or my husband's side, has been very child-friendly. My family is white European, my husband's family is East Asian. We all believe weddings are multi-generational occasions, and that they are, in fact, an elevated form of family reunion (the union of two families, babies to great-grandparents). Weddings have occurred in Europe, East Asia and the Americas.

It's only here on DCUM that I've learned some proportion of people (mostly caucasian American, I'm guessing) defend adult-only weddings. But since it hasn't affected me personally, I haven't had the opportunity to get annoyed about it. I have fond memories of my 2 year old dancing on the dance floor in the wee hours and then sleeping soundly on two chairs. And of my small nephews laughing at the horse's poo at my wedding: we had a horse-drawn carriage rides to my family castle. Fun times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids were invited to my wedding, so I have no dog in the fight.

I’ve been to weddings where my whole family was invited. Some where only DH and I were invited. Heck, I’ve been to a wedding where only I was invited, with no plus one.

I’ve never viewed any invitation as rude. Weddings often have budgets, and I get that. Also, even though “vibe” wasn’t a big deal to me, I can see where some people want an adults only vibe. Whatever, it’s their wedding.

If I want to go and it works for me, I go. With or without my kids, with or without DH. Sometimes we have to decline. OK.

But why do people act so freaking offended? Go, don’t go, whatever you need or want to do. And yeah, maybe some relative will be offended—that’s their choice, not my problem. Whatever.

Weddings, by the way, aren’t family reunions. So if you want a family reunion, plan for and pay for one yourself.

Actually, it is a HUGE family reunion. Your thinking is informed by your culture. My culture prioritizes family in weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far, as I'm concerned any excuse to not go, I'm thrilled.

+1, this is how I feel about destination weddings.

Destination weddings are the worst. The vast majority feel this way but few are willing to admit it openly.

[Anonymous]

I agree that nobody should get so worked out about it. About the PP's family-friendly weddings: wedding used to be about joining families and were mostly held on family property during warm weather -- imagine everybody dancing/eating/drinking outside. Of course it included everybody. Nowadays wedding are often in rented spaces, often fancy premises or restaurants and it's more about groom and bride than the extended family -- hence nowadays we invite friends and colleagues. Times have changed and so have the customs. I personally held a kid inclusive wedding as well, but we rented out the whole outdoors space having restaurant, which had rooms upstairs, so there was space for everyone. However, I don't demand this from others as it's expensive and not many places even have such a set-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me neither. It's just a party, often with mediocre food.

I would not go to an American WASP wedding. Yes to every other culture's wedding.