Genuinely don’t understand why people get worked up about weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what's going on at a Latin wedding? That said, someone posted it well that weddings have become parties as compared to joining the families. You don't invite kids to a party!

What? There are cultures where weddings are big parties and do include kids. "Don't invite kids to a party" as a blanket statement already sounds so narrow minded.

[Anonymous]

I think what OP was trying to say was that years ago people just didn’t get offended about it. Our kids are grown now and over their childhoods we were invited to many family weddings and parties, some for the whole family, some for adults only. We attended some and missed others and it just wasn’t a big deal.

It seems like people are much more vocal about how offensive it is if their whole family wasn’t invited to second cousin Larla’s 8pm wedding. It’s a simple RSVP of no. If anyone asks you just say we didn’t have a babysitter, but I hope everyone has a great time.

Based on many threads regarding families, if it is a sibling that’s being exclusive there’s a lot more to the story than just the one function.

[Anonymous]

If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

You are the definition of getting worked up about a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

That wasn’t a “family wedding” as there is no such thing. You should have declined the invitation. Then, you and your sister could have planned, organized and paid for a family reunion, as that was what you wanted and expected and felt entitled to, on the dime and the labor of the bride and groom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

I bet the other guests enjoyed seeing the child much more than the boring wedding events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

I bet the other guests enjoyed seeing the child much more than the boring wedding events.

Why do you drag your entire family to boring wedding events? What culture is this that has shitty weddings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what's going on at a Latin wedding? That said, someone posted it well that weddings have become parties as compared to joining the families. You don't invite kids to a party!

What? There are cultures where weddings are big parties and do include kids. "Don't invite kids to a party" as a blanket statement already sounds so narrow minded.

I was a bride in a wedding from a "culture" where it's common to drink. The morning after I woke up, I had a bunch of hungry kids without supervision whose parents were AWOL (sleeping out their hangovers). I was one of the few people who was sober. Nobody was looking after the kids. No parents, grandparents, everybody thought it's somebody else's job to look after their kids. Took them to a restaurant (we were on the premises) and ordered them food and stayed with them, didn't even get a thank you after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

You are the definition of getting worked up about a wedding.

+1
To include making someone else’s day about you and your kid (s) .. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is a family wedding I want to take my kids so they can see family. My cousin didn’t and kids wedding. I had a severely disabled child. I was excited to see family but they said no way! Not even to the hotel. I’d get my own sister (I’d have to fly them in because of special care). They said not kids around anywhere. It was so rude. It feels like a purposeful exclusion.

I decided hotel was a public space. We didn’t use block. Brought sitter. Saw everyone who cared - many came to our room to see child or went on long walks with us outside of wedding stuff. It was just one of those times where everyone was together and we so wanted to see everyone.

My sister brought her kids too and stayed with our sitter. Bride and groom never saw our kids. They now have three of their own and I am sure would feel totally different. So just shows lack of empathy.

We used to be close and 20 years later still don’t talk. It is so dumb.

So yes, feelings can get hurt.

For friends that is totally different. I don’t take kids to friends weddings.

That wasn’t a “family wedding” as there is no such thing. You should have declined the invitation. Then, you and your sister could have planned, organized and paid for a family reunion, as that was what you wanted and expected and felt entitled to, on the dime and the labor of the bride and groom.

+100

[Anonymous]

Honestly, many people don't want to go to weddings any more ... especially when you're not close.

So yes, people will be annoyed at whatever rule weddings imply like traveling, not bringing kids, special dress codes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP was trying to say was that years ago people just didn’t get offended about it. Our kids are grown now and over their childhoods we were invited to many family weddings and parties, some for the whole family, some for adults only. We attended some and missed others and it just wasn’t a big deal.

It seems like people are much more vocal about how offensive it is if their whole family wasn’t invited to second cousin Larla’s 8pm wedding. It’s a simple RSVP of no. If anyone asks you just say we didn’t have a babysitter, but I hope everyone has a great time.

Based on many threads regarding families, if it is a sibling that’s being exclusive there’s a lot more to the story than just the one function.

Years ago people weren’t keeping tabs on who declined their wedding invitation but had to nerve to take a vacation that year anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once upon a time, people married within their clans and followed the cultural norms for that clan. As long as you followed the rules, no one had any reason to be mad (obviously unreasonable anger has always been with us)

Then people started branching out and weddings required more negotiation, and people who didn't grow up with things a certain way were shocked and dismayed that certain things were being done or not done. And the bride and groom were dismayed and shocked that people were being so difficult.

Now it's clear that there are no universal rules, and all sorts of people are disappointed in other people, and everyone is sure their way is the best way. Have all the thoughts you want, folks, but play the hand you're dealt and don't complain.

Not about the location, the guest list, the location, the ceremony, the schedule, the menu, the beverages, the entertainment, the presents, none of it.

I think this is a big part of it, it is culture clash. Even among people of the same race, there can be gaps in class, religion, or other differences that cause problems. People get upset of it isn’t their families way.

Also regional differences play a big role.