Genuinely don’t understand why people get worked up about weddings

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife did not invite my kids. They invited me, so that was nice. But I live across the country, 10 hours of flying. So I did not go (it was my brother’s second wedding and he is a disaster). A wedding can be a party, or it can be a celebration of the joining of two families. In this case, it was the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the no kids thing if the family are heavy drinkers.

Yes, a hundred people drinking too much, at a reception that starts at 8pm ...

With some crowds, it's not going to be the best for kids. The opposite of how that PP was saying that people want to look "elegant," lol -- more like the opposite, they are concerned it will be anything but. My sibling told my mother that she was only invited to the wedding if she promised not to drink. She promised. And drank. And it was a disaster. Not family friendly.

[Anonymous]

I love how some of you drone on about “the joining of two families” when you’ve probably met, say, your brother’s wife’s cousin only during that wedding weekend. And while he was perfectly pleasant, he didn’t even make your holiday card list.

I love how “it’s the joining of two families” but you only see the vast majority of the “now-married-in” people at your cousin’s wedding is if mayyyyybe you all live locally.

Get over yourselves. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the most part I don’t get it either. The only time I was annoyed was when my daughter was asked to be a flower girl, but later we were told she couldn’t come to the adult only reception. Felt a little like she was being used as a prop for cute photos. Every other wedding has been fine, we don’t go if it doesn’t work for us.

Happened to me as a flower girl when I was little. I still remember it and how upset I was. That said, I was like 7, lol. As an adult, I think it's fine.

I was a 4 yr old flower girl at a wedding and it was a horribly long boring day. My brother and i were the only kids there. Not sure why people are desperate for their kids to be a part of this.

[Anonymous]

It’s because weddings are now typically a weekend long. When my parents went to evening weddings without us, it was an evening— they’d leave around 4 and be home by midnight.

Now theres “out of town” dinner and departure brunch and the wedding venue is 2.5 hours driving. Of course people resent the ask to get three days of childcare, it’s nothing like a trip to the dentist.

If couples are good with a no, I have no concerns. When they start complaining about the no (or expecting gifts) then it’s extremely tacky. Invitations are not summonses or invoices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were invited to my wedding, so I have no dog in the fight.

I’ve been to weddings where my whole family was invited. Some where only DH and I were invited. Heck, I’ve been to a wedding where only I was invited, with no plus one.

I’ve never viewed any invitation as rude. Weddings often have budgets, and I get that. Also, even though “vibe” wasn’t a big deal to me, I can see where some people want an adults only vibe. Whatever, it’s their wedding.

If I want to go and it works for me, I go. With or without my kids, with or without DH. Sometimes we have to decline. OK.

But why do people act so freaking offended? Go, don’t go, whatever you need or want to do. And yeah, maybe some relative will be offended—that’s their choice, not my problem. Whatever.

Weddings, by the way, aren’t family reunions. So if you want a family reunion, plan for and pay for one yourself.

Actually, it is a HUGE family reunion. Your thinking is informed by your culture. My culture prioritizes family in weddings.

Yeah to some of us the stuff people focus on just seems very hollow and honestly almost depressing. Then you think about how there is so much isolation and loneliness in the US in all those studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were invited to my wedding, so I have no dog in the fight.

I’ve been to weddings where my whole family was invited. Some where only DH and I were invited. Heck, I’ve been to a wedding where only I was invited, with no plus one.

I’ve never viewed any invitation as rude. Weddings often have budgets, and I get that. Also, even though “vibe” wasn’t a big deal to me, I can see where some people want an adults only vibe. Whatever, it’s their wedding.

If I want to go and it works for me, I go. With or without my kids, with or without DH. Sometimes we have to decline. OK.

But why do people act so freaking offended? Go, don’t go, whatever you need or want to do. And yeah, maybe some relative will be offended—that’s their choice, not my problem. Whatever.

Weddings, by the way, aren’t family reunions. So if you want a family reunion, plan for and pay for one yourself.

Actually, it is a HUGE family reunion. Your thinking is informed by your culture. My culture prioritizes family in weddings.

Yeah to some of us the stuff people focus on just seems very hollow and honestly almost depressing. Then you think about how there is so much isolation and loneliness in the US in all those studies.

Having a big blow out wedding costing thousands and thousands of dollars isn't that important to some people who would rather save for a down payment on a house. Different priorities, and some make better financial and long term sense rather than hosting a massive family reunion with people who would only come if their kids get a seat at the table so they don't have to find a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are expensive as are babysitters.

do you never leave your kids, ever? do you go to work? to the doctor's office? to church where you leave them in the nursery? shopping? to the gym? I'm calling BS that you NEVER leave your child EVER, unless you are some weirdo attachment parenting type.

Most of what you list takes 1-2 hours not 1-2 days.

And candidly most of what you list is more important than the wedding of someone who doesn’t like your kids.

Then just say no to those weddings. Why so much angst? You don't like them and they don't like your kids. Easy decision.

If I’m invited to one I will. My circles tend to either include kids or provide on site babysitting.

It’s only here I see people getting angry that others decline their invitations, or immediately insist you have to send a gift.

I haven't actually seen that. I only see people huffy their kids weren't invited. Have never seen a post complaining that a family member with kids who weren't invited refused to come. It's a narrative people invent in their heads but it's not reality.

It’s right here in this thread on the first page. The “do you never leave your kid?!?!” post.

That person didn't have someone decline their invitation. It's like you getting pissy your kids weren't invited to a hypothetical wedding.

That person has the attitude of entitlement that people will seek childcare for *their* super special event.

Or they wonder how someoen gets by in life if their kids can't accompany them everywhere. It's a general question.