I want them to love home

[Anonymous]

In essence, have money, health and patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In essence, have money, health and patience.

I'm not sure the money is even that important. Just don't pitch a fit if they get a hotel because they want an actual bed to sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and be sanitary about food. Don't have some gross pet that you allow on the table. Don't keep old food, wash your hands, etc. Sometimes older people lose their taste and smell or get sloppy about this stuff and it puts people off visiting.

Have enough food and don't be controlling about it. Don't be an almond mom, overcome your generation's food norms. Don't be stuck in the ways of your generation in general-- understand that times change, ideas about parenting change, ideas about safety change, and go with it. Don't insist that they adhere to your generation's norms during the visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst is when a parent divorces and then there are stepsiblings or half siblings. Every time you come "home" you're having to deal with people you barely know, who you might never have chosen and would be fine never seeing again. But there's pressure to be a happy family and get along, so you try. Ideally everyone is friendly and cordial, but it's not the same thing as really being "home" and feeling you can relax or have some candid conversations among actual family. It's an obligation that people do out of love for their parents, but it isn't very enjoyable or relaxing. Everyone knows it isn't real and would likely go poof if the parents divorced or one of them died.

It's especially bad if the new wife doesn't like that the dad had a first-round family and wants to pretend her family is the one and only "real" family. Some men are all too willing to give up on their first kids if that's what it takes to be married, unfortunately. They let their wives monopolize their time and gradually edge out their own kids in favor of the wife's kids and grandkids. There's really no "home" at all if that happens. So you, OP, the mom, need to bear all of this in mind and be sensitive to it if you end up divorced.

Yes, this conversation is a non starter if the parents divorce and one remarried. No one is going to that house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married. By a ski house with a separate room for each kid. Ski in, ski out, if you can swing it. You'll see them every work break during ski season.

Don’t ever, ever buy a second home assuming your adult children are going to want to use it. Horrible advice.

It depends on where the second home is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In essence, have money, health and patience.

I'm not sure the money is even that important. Just don't pitch a fit if they get a hotel because they want an actual bed to sleep in.

This. You have to allow them autonomy so they can enjoy their visits home on their own terms. If that means they want to stay in a hotel, or go out with friends, etc., you force yourself to be cool with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worst is when a parent divorces and then there are stepsiblings or half siblings. Every time you come "home" you're having to deal with people you barely know, who you might never have chosen and would be fine never seeing again. But there's pressure to be a happy family and get along, so you try. Ideally everyone is friendly and cordial, but it's not the same thing as really being "home" and feeling you can relax or have some candid conversations among actual family. It's an obligation that people do out of love for their parents, but it isn't very enjoyable or relaxing. Everyone knows it isn't real and would likely go poof if the parents divorced or one of them died.

It's especially bad if the new wife doesn't like that the dad had a first-round family and wants to pretend her family is the one and only "real" family. Some men are all too willing to give up on their first kids if that's what it takes to be married, unfortunately. They let their wives monopolize their time and gradually edge out their own kids in favor of the wife's kids and grandkids. There's really no "home" at all if that happens. So you, OP, the mom, need to bear all of this in mind and be sensitive to it if you end up divorced.

Yes, this conversation is a non starter if the parents divorce and one remarried. No one is going to that house.

I go, but it's not home anymore, and I'm enduring it rather than enjoying it. Sadly, it was once my beloved childhood home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In essence, have money, health and patience.

I'm not sure the money is even that important. Just don't pitch a fit if they get a hotel because they want an actual bed to sleep in.

Off course but if all adult kids can't comfortably afford flight+hotel+car etc so unless you have money or they do, that option wouldn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and be sanitary about food. Don't have some gross pet that you allow on the table. Don't keep old food, wash your hands, etc. Sometimes older people lose their taste and smell or get sloppy about this stuff and it puts people off visiting.

Have enough food and don't be controlling about it. Don't be an almond mom, overcome your generation's food norms. Don't be stuck in the ways of your generation in general-- understand that times change, ideas about parenting change, ideas about safety change, and go with it. Don't insist that they adhere to your generation's norms during the visit.

So don't get old, weak and forgetful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and be sanitary about food. Don't have some gross pet that you allow on the table. Don't keep old food, wash your hands, etc. Sometimes older people lose their taste and smell or get sloppy about this stuff and it puts people off visiting.

Have enough food and don't be controlling about it. Don't be an almond mom, overcome your generation's food norms. Don't be stuck in the ways of your generation in general-- understand that times change, ideas about parenting change, ideas about safety change, and go with it. Don't insist that they adhere to your generation's norms during the visit.

So don't get old, weak and forgetful?

Don't expect people to eat unsanitary food. If you're not up to cooking safely, get some frozen food.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to focus on teaching them to use the toilet, wipe their own ass and brush their teeth.

One step at a time. Live in the present.

[Anonymous]

It's more about how much fun you and your kids have together OP, along with having enough to space to live comfortably.

Also, decorate your home in a cozy warm way, stay away from all the whites and grays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and be sanitary about food. Don't have some gross pet that you allow on the table. Don't keep old food, wash your hands, etc. Sometimes older people lose their taste and smell or get sloppy about this stuff and it puts people off visiting.

Have enough food and don't be controlling about it. Don't be an almond mom, overcome your generation's food norms. Don't be stuck in the ways of your generation in general-- understand that times change, ideas about parenting change, ideas about safety change, and go with it. Don't insist that they adhere to your generation's norms during the visit.

So don't get old, weak and forgetful?

Don't expect people to eat unsanitary food. If you're not up to cooking safely, get some frozen food.

If you are on a tight budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and be sanitary about food. Don't have some gross pet that you allow on the table. Don't keep old food, wash your hands, etc. Sometimes older people lose their taste and smell or get sloppy about this stuff and it puts people off visiting.

Have enough food and don't be controlling about it. Don't be an almond mom, overcome your generation's food norms. Don't be stuck in the ways of your generation in general-- understand that times change, ideas about parenting change, ideas about safety change, and go with it. Don't insist that they adhere to your generation's norms during the visit.

So don't get old, weak and forgetful?

Don't expect people to eat unsanitary food. If you're not up to cooking safely, get some frozen food.

If you are on a tight budget?

IMO frozen food can be much more affordable. But nobody's budget is so tight that they have to let their cat walk on the countertop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's more about how much fun you and your kids have together OP, along with having enough to space to live comfortably.

Also, decorate your home in a cozy warm way, stay away from all the whites and grays.

White and grays, now there’s the real issue.