I want them to love home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree you need the space for visits, and also a close airport. My parents have a great house somewhere scenic and are super welcoming but it is SO hard to get to them, huge expense every time because we need connecting flights a rental car.

And I totally agree about the babyproofing/sleeping aspect. My in-laws are really bad with that. Nobody wants to stay on a couch, and when dcs were little it was horrible going because they had breakables all over the place, bar height glass table...

But really the most important thing is that they may not visit much even if you do everything "perfectly" because of other factors: They might need to also travel to see in-laws, they might not have much time off work, they may not have the money to prioritize traveling to you...So you have to be understanding and make the most of visits when they do happen and visit (without being a pita, hotel if best for them) as well.

Or, parents can pay for the tickets and rental car, or provide their own

[Anonymous]

I am a genX parent of a teen and I take care of my elderly parent so I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
It all boils down to willingness to put in work and/or money, plus ideally living in a place that has a lot of memories for the kids.
Don’t encourage them to go away for college unless they really, really want to. Staying close (even if living in dorms) is a good idea as they’ll visit you for college memories if nothing else.
Pay for the tickets and rental car.
Cook homemade meals or order in some nice food. Don’t buy frozen crap, they can do it on their own.
Offer to babysit while they visit.
Offer to take them on trips instead of having them visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, visit them. They will have busy lives. You need to visit, imo almost equally, where they live. They will want you to know their adult life, what it's like where they live. We've made ourselves comfortable in whatever hotel we need to stay in. We occupy our time in their location when they're busy. They are busy. They aren't taking time off work. DH and I create some of our own, independent memories where they live so our happiness and connection to their area doesn't rest solely on them. You need to be adaptable to many environments, especially when they are young adults. Don't make a fuss about inconvenience. They have busy lives. They won't always be able to come to you even if you think you've created some idillic environment and they really, really want to.

I think retired parents should visit MORE than equally. Retired parents have tons of money, tons of leave and young professionals starting out don't have that. Even parents who are 50+ and not yet retired have lots of leave at work that they can use.

My inlaws never visit us and it is hard to always be the ones who visit. We mostly go to see other siblings and family members in one place. Key is to have a big family to visit.

This, i am trying hard to keep this in mind for the future. I love my parents and i love seeing them. But i wish they would visit more. If i am lucky enough to be a grandma and have the $$ i am planning to have for my retirement, my goal will be : come visit them, book a hotel or airbnb next to them if they don't have enough space, enjoy the time they can free for me and also enjoy the visit with my husband (find things to do on my own and/or with my grandkids). Retirees have more time and money than parents with young kids.