I want them to love home
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Anonymous
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I’m a parent of young kids (toddler and baby). I need your help to think about the home environment I’m creating for them so they always are excited to come home as adults. Obviously, I know first and foremost will be cultivating a loving and safe emotional space for them, but I’m asking about whether there are any environmental aspects that could tip the scale. What do your adult kids love returning to?
For example, Californians seem to always make it back there after a few years in NYC. Ideas: - living in California - family games you always played - traditions tied to the house (eg, harvesting from the garden, super awesome neighborhood for Christmas decor) - lots of pets/farm animals - beautiful property - pool/fun hangout spot for kids to bring friends |
Anonymous
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I don't have adult children, but here is why I love coming home:
- a king bed (I haven't had those in my apartments) - my own bathroom (I share with my husband) - my mom's home cooking (she makes food that I can't make) - talking with them (I generally just love taking walks with them and talking with them) - I loved my childhood (largely because of my school and friends which they didn't have too much control over, but that helps) - it's stress free (my parents don't harp on me or my habits, and they don't overanalyze my life) |
Anonymous
| I have never been outdoorsy and do not want to farm your land. I don’t like farm animals and am happy with my dog. I think my condo is beautiful. I love being in the city and feel stranded in suburbs. As a child I felt stifled in them. I like spending two days with my parents at a time. |
Anonymous
| My mom always made it clear that where she lived was my home. There was a comfortable bed. A dresser where we could leave a few things. Toiletries we liked ready for us when we came. |
Anonymous
You're going to buy a farm to keep your kids interested in you? Is this a troll post? Honestly, my mom trying this hard and artificially would be a huge turn-off. The most important thing is being kind, and supportive, and knowing when to back off. |
Anonymous
| Home is NYC and we have a nice beach house, but I don't think that's what brings them home. We just enjoy each other's company, and DH and I give both DCs a lot of space to do their own thing, hang out with friends, and essentially come and go as they please. They know it's a safe haven and will be their home even if they don't spend most of their days here. |
Anonymous
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My kids love being back home:
-The house is big enough with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. It's clean and peaceful and their rooms still theirs only. - The fridge is stocked up when they come home with lots of favorite foods. I usually bake a favorite cake for when they get home with a special meal too. - They love to see our pets - We're easy going and they can have friends/girlfriend over. - They have their nearby gym with on-hold subscription that can get reactivated if they are here more than a couple days. - There is a lot to do for them within a 30 min radius: old friends, restaurants, activities, beach... |
Anonymous
| What? I'd worry about introducing solid food and potty training for now. |
Anonymous
Great ideas, thanks! Did you have your king bed when you were living at home or was that added when you became an adult? |
Anonymous
Thanks! Are you in the DC area? Where’s a beach?! |
Anonymous
| I think establishing traditions that evolve and are enjoyed by your kids are very important. Once they are actually adults I think a lot of it depends on where they are located and where you are located. My ILs are only 2-3 hours away but we don't visit often. While DH had a happy upbringing there is just nothing that draws him back - the family was always very low key and no frills so they do the minimum for holidays and birthdays. They also live in the middle of no where and there is nothing to do so everyone gets very bored very quickly. Their house is also very uncomfortable - guest bed is horrible, food is bad, temperature is stifling. We have high school kids and having parents and in-laws that will visit us is so much easier. With our work schedules and the kids' school/sport schedules its so much easier to have them come stay and tag along to all our events than it is for us to put our lives on hold to go visit them. |
Anonymous
Lots of pets, a pool, and the expectation that I would do manual labor and play specific games would make me scared with young children, and much less likely to come home, as would to cost of plane ticket to California. Neighborhood decor and what the property looked like would not factor into my choice. |
Anonymous
| I think you’re focusing way too much on physical characteristics. Work more on the emotional aspect. Get to know your kids for who they are, not for who you wish them to be. Love them unconditionally. Listen to them and be honest with them. Welcome their friends and significant others into your home without judgement. The rest is just window dressing. |
Anonymous
This is so bizarre. One of my friends is from LA. His father just died. He hadn't been back to visit him in 12 years. California is not some sort of adult child flytrap. |
Anonymous
| My kids love coming home because we have fun together. Favorite meals, shows we save to watch together, dancing, private jokes, stuff like that. |