Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

And her nest ain’t ever gonna be empty if she lets the oldest move back home because the younger ones will follow suit

Yep. I have a living example of this in my family. Oldest in his 40’s and still at home, with SO, siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

And her nest ain’t ever gonna be empty if she lets the oldest move back home because the younger ones will follow suit

Keep sucking that lemon that life gave you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you don’t need the money, I would still charge her at least $500/month. Put the money aside and apply it towards the upcoming wedding that you anticipate in a few months/year.

This charging and then returning it later is infantilizing. Either ask for a contribution or skip it.

Check your reading comprehension skills. No one said anything about returning it to the kid.

Spending it on the kid's wedding is returning it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have a lot of questions and be worried something bad had happened or was happening to her. To live only 15 min away and all of a sudden want to move back in with parents and younger siblings is giving me some flags. She should be enjoying this time and her independence. She's so close she has barely flown the nest as is, I don't know why she would want to crawl back.

Look at all the negative snarl language you are using. I pity your kids.

There is nothing wrong with daughter wanting to move back. But this amount of angst about this means that you have messed up family life. Yikes.

My kids are very happy and independent thanks very much. I feel like you're insulting my culture. We don't do this unless you're a loser failure to launch or had some trauma. Please be respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

Why not just have a discussion and discuss her reasons and your concerns before coming to a conclusion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

Ok, I missed that, but my point remains. It is ok if mom likes having one less kid in the household. It’s also ok if she loves the idea of having all of them living under the same roof again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she is lonely, she can come visit you guys a couple times a week and hang out with friends more. She should be working on building her own life - friends, marriage - not regressing to the nest.

This. It is very odd that she wants to regress. Does she expect to be taken care of like a child if she comes back - mom and dad grocery shop, cook, clean, do laundry, fix things that break …?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

Ok, I missed that, but my point remains. It is ok if mom likes having one less kid in the household. It’s also ok if she loves the idea of having all of them living under the same roof again.

What about dad?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you know why she wants to move back. This 'prefers' and 'feels more comfortable' is not good enough.
She can make her rental nearby super comfortable.
I can't relate at all. I went to boarding school for high school and moved to another side of the world at 18. My boys can't wait to get out.
18-year old is already out and working.
It may be as easy as she had the best childhood ever, but that's not good enough reason to move back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she is lonely, she can come visit you guys a couple times a week and hang out with friends more. She should be working on building her own life - friends, marriage - not regressing to the nest.

This. It is very odd that she wants to regress. Does she expect to be taken care of like a child if she comes back - mom and dad grocery shop, cook, clean, do laundry, fix things that break …?

Maybe she's one of those young women who *needs* to be taken care of....going from Daddy's House to Hubby's House. Not everyone is independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she is lonely, she can come visit you guys a couple times a week and hang out with friends more. She should be working on building her own life - friends, marriage - not regressing to the nest.

This. It is very odd that she wants to regress. Does she expect to be taken care of like a child if she comes back - mom and dad grocery shop, cook, clean, do laundry, fix things that break …?

Maybe she's one of those young women who *needs* to be taken care of....going from Daddy's House to Hubby's House. Not everyone is independent.

IF that's the case she should definitely not move back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. This is why successful immigrant communities do well. It makes no sense for her to pay $2-3k a month in rent when she lives 15 minutes away and wants to live at home. In a year she would save 25k and in two years 50k.

I lived at home when started teaching. I was able to live at home and save money for graduate school from ages 25-27. Turns out I got a scholarship so graduate school ended up being free. I was able to use the money I saved for a down payment for a house.

Yes, and that's your reason. OP's DD doesn't seem to have one, or OP doesn't want to figure it out.

Our DC just moved back home after 2 yrs of living out--decided that it was a waste of money and that he could save a ton living here. We don't mind and certainly don't treat him like a child. He comes and goes on his schedule, if he's here for dinner great, if not, fine. Buys groceries, does his own laundry etc. He's not a child nor do we treat him like one. He's saving tons of money this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

Ok, I missed that, but my point remains. It is ok if mom likes having one less kid in the household. It’s also ok if she loves the idea of having all of them living under the same roof again.

What about dad?

OP said her DH was fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Let her move back in. I hope my kids who are now 10,7,5,& 2, want to move back in with me as adults (educated, working, lived alone previously), before starting their own families. After marriage, their relationship with their siblings & parents will be very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

Ok, I missed that, but my point remains. It is ok if mom likes having one less kid in the household. It’s also ok if she loves the idea of having all of them living under the same roof again.

What about dad?

Hmmm. This.