Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids not moving home is one of the cultural tricks to prevent the preservation or growth of wealth in the US.

Just my opinion. My kids can live at home as long as they want.

Nope.
Our adult child landed a job job directly out of college - zero debt and moved into their first apartment - zero roommates.
Two years later has hefty savings.

There are young adults living independently , not moving backwards and not in mommy and daddies homes.

What is up with these adults in their 20s and 30s and beyond who want to live like teenagers and parents who enable it? Are they lonely? Figure their kids will take care of them down the road? When did be an adult and figure life out and live within your means become difficult or simply the word "no". There is an entire parental generation like my sil who all 3 kids are failure to launch adults, live at home, barely work are a nightmare to deal with, she's broke because of the bills and asks to borrow money and wonders why they can't find someone nice to settle down with.

Preach!!!!

[Anonymous]

But she says she feels more comfortable here

This is not something to encourage. She needs to do-the-work to be comfortable-enough not living at home.

[Anonymous]

Maybe start with asking why. If she’s ready to move in with her boyfriend and doesn’t want to be locked into a lease, or if she’s miserable in her current job and she needs to feel less tied to it because of finances or if she’s depressed and wants people around - all reasons to hash out with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But she says she feels more comfortable here

This is not something to encourage. She needs to do-the-work to be comfortable-enough not living at home.

Yep. She's already pretty low watt with a local BF and living 15 min from mommy and daddy. I'd do whatever possible to course correct and that does not involve moving home to become a perpetual teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No from me. The whole thing sounds so pathetic I can barely even think about it in practical terms and there is no way I'd face any of my own social group with this kond of failure to launch kid.

LOL. You and your friends sound nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No from me. The whole thing sounds so pathetic I can barely even think about it in practical terms and there is no way I'd face any of my own social group with this kond of failure to launch kid.

LOL. You and your friends sound nice.

We have a great community and a lot of fun but we don't indulge losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No from me. The whole thing sounds so pathetic I can barely even think about it in practical terms and there is no way I'd face any of my own social group with this kond of failure to launch kid.

LOL. You and your friends sound nice.

We have a great community and a lot of fun but we don't indulge losers.

+1 From the family and friends heck complete strangers w looser adults ..

They front like it’s no big issue for them to at home w their 60+ plus parents. However, secretly are miserable and want those kids out and launched.
Zero backbone to tell those adults to grow up and get out.

[Anonymous]

Depending on how much she earns, it might be financially hard for her. I do not know her spending habits, but many young women are constantly buying crap that they "need!" They don't need it at all, but it is the social media and want to have the "best," new idiocy.
Otherwise, she might want to save for her own place, which is great, imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

So many questions:
Does she know that she would have to pay rent? Utilities? Buy her own food?
Is the boyfriend sleeping over?
Is there a time limit? Like she wants to do this for a year? Or is it totally open-ended?
Do you have other children at home?
What does your spouse think?

We don’t really need her to contribute financially except for her phone/car payment.

Boyfriend won’t be sleeping over.

She hasn’t mentioned any time limit, but I’m thinking till engagement.

We have one kid in college and two in high school.

DH has no issue with her moving back home.

The reason she wants to move back in is because she just prefers living here, & misses it. -OP

That's what she's telling you, but even if it's true (and I doubt it is), it's only part of the story. Why does she miss it? Because she isn't responsible for cooking, cleaning, or other "adulting?" Because she misses you and her siblings? Because she hates living alone?

[Anonymous]

I would let my daughter move back for a variety of reasons - wanted to save money with a specific goal, needed help, financial crisis, transition point in life, recent graduate and financially unstable, etc.

But "she just wants to because she is more comfortable" raises some flags. It's the answer of a child ("I just do!"). She's either not being up front re the real reason, or has some growing up to do. Either way, without more I'd have serious reservations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But she says she feels more comfortable here

This is not something to encourage. She needs to do-the-work to be comfortable-enough not living at home.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems fine, honestly. Some people don't like living alone and roommates can be got it miss.

I would have her pay some amount if rent and deposit it in a HYSA that she will get as a gift towards a down payment or wedding when she moves out.

I would also discuss household contributions before hand, like cooking, cleaning, keeping rooms tidy, etc. A HS or college kid I'd feel comfortable saying "put your laundry away and you have to help with dinner." A 25/26 year old I would not want to *have* to tell her these things and would be resentful if she fell into teenage behavior of slacking in those areas, so I'd want to feel comfortable that she understands the difference between being a kid in our house and being a contributing adult.

This 100 percent.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely let my adult kids move back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely let my adult kids move back home.

+1. OP's daughter sounds lovely. I remember how much I missed my oldest sister when she moved out of the house in med school. My younger brother also missed me when I went away to college and we had a great time when I moved back to get my MBA. When everyone gets along, it is a special time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely let my adult kids move back home.

+1. OP's daughter sounds lovely. I remember how much I missed my oldest sister when she moved out of the house in med school. My younger brother also missed me when I went away to college and we had a great time when I moved back to get my MBA. When everyone gets along, it is a special time.

This!! I don’t understand why you all think there’s a problem with a young adult moving home for awhile. It’s not like she’s unemployed or anti social. In other countries, young adults live at home until they are married. I would love it if my young adult wanted to move home.