Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

NO.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this and became engaged to DH a year later. It allowed me to become closer to my parents and siblings as a young adult. My parents didn't charge me and I paid all my personal expenses.

User

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest moved out when he was around 24. He moved back in after a year. He’s a wonderful person and helps around the house and with other things (like he does our oil changes and car maintenance and drives and runs errands). He does have a girlfriend who stays here sometimes. That took some getting used to but it’s fine. Like my son, she’s a very nice person and a hard worker.

My family is all close and we really enjoy being together. They’ll go when they’re ready but we’re fine with them living with us until then.

Ewww

[Anonymous]

Nope. That setting a bad example for the rest of the kids. Just tell her she is welcome to visit more, but that she needs to maintain her own place and spend most of her nights there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. That setting a bad example for the rest of the kids. Just tell her she is welcome to visit more, but that she needs to maintain her own place and spend most of her nights there.

This.
OP adult child needs to grow up & adult. Gotta’ pay bills.

Mom & dads home isn’t a hotel or dorm.

[Anonymous]

No, she’s an adult now.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but this doesn’t make sense. She wants to move back home because she misses the family? She is 15 minutes away!

[Anonymous]

Of course I would let her move home. It’s the family home.

[Anonymous]

Makes perfect sense to me. Why have her pay rent to someone else for a year or two before she marries the bf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's good to learn to be on your own. Makes you less emotionally dependent on your spouse. Gives you more agency. This move home is not great.

I agree with this. I’d be more inclined to let her if I didn’t think a marriage was imminent. Assuming it is, I’d be concerned about an adult daughter unable to live alone.

Why isn’t it working? I think it’s important for adults to have the experience of taking care of themselves so they know they can do it. I think it helps if you are suddenly alone (death or divorce) or even thinking about divorcing (you’ll make a decision that isn’t based on fear of being alone or unable to manage). I think it builds skills and competencies that are critical to maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's good to learn to be on your own. Makes you less emotionally dependent on your spouse. Gives you more agency. This move home is not great.

I agree with this. I’d be more inclined to let her if I didn’t think a marriage was imminent. Assuming it is, I’d be concerned about an adult daughter unable to live alone.

Why isn’t it working? I think it’s important for adults to have the experience of taking care of themselves so they know they can do it. I think it helps if you are suddenly alone (death or divorce) or even thinking about divorcing (you’ll make a decision that isn’t based on fear of being alone or unable to manage). I think it builds skills and competencies that are critical to maturity.

But she does have that experience. She would rather live with her family rather than alone or with a roommate and is not ready to move in with her boyfriend. She is not unemployed or dependent on her parents financially. They all get along well and the parents have the space available in their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's good to learn to be on your own. Makes you less emotionally dependent on your spouse. Gives you more agency. This move home is not great.

I agree with this. I’d be more inclined to let her if I didn’t think a marriage was imminent. Assuming it is, I’d be concerned about an adult daughter unable to live alone.

Why isn’t it working? I think it’s important for adults to have the experience of taking care of themselves so they know they can do it. I think it helps if you are suddenly alone (death or divorce) or even thinking about divorcing (you’ll make a decision that isn’t based on fear of being alone or unable to manage). I think it builds skills and competencies that are critical to maturity.

But she does have that experience. She would rather live with her family rather than alone or with a roommate and is not ready to move in with her boyfriend. She is not unemployed or dependent on her parents financially. They all get along well and the parents have the space available in their home.

I don’t think she has. She’s only 25 and has a masters, so likely not on her own for very long. She lives 15 min from her family and still can’t manage it. It sounds like she’s helpless or one of those people who can’t be alone.

[Anonymous]

Awwww, let her move home. She's clearly accomplished a lot in her life, and she needs a soft place to fall if even for a bit. Only my youngest (26) is still at home, and she's finishing her master's degree & working F/T - she loves being here with us, and we enjoy her company. It's nice to have someone around for the dog when we travel (both DH and I are retired), and we'll never have these days back when we have the chance to bond so closely. I think it's wonderful that your DD misses you and the rest of your family. She's clearly got an active social life and will move out when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's good to learn to be on your own. Makes you less emotionally dependent on your spouse. Gives you more agency. This move home is not great.

I agree with this. I’d be more inclined to let her if I didn’t think a marriage was imminent. Assuming it is, I’d be concerned about an adult daughter unable to live alone.

Why isn’t it working? I think it’s important for adults to have the experience of taking care of themselves so they know they can do it. I think it helps if you are suddenly alone (death or divorce) or even thinking about divorcing (you’ll make a decision that isn’t based on fear of being alone or unable to manage). I think it builds skills and competencies that are critical to maturity.

But she does have that experience. She would rather live with her family rather than alone or with a roommate and is not ready to move in with her boyfriend. She is not unemployed or dependent on her parents financially. They all get along well and the parents have the space available in their home.

I don’t think she has. She’s only 25 and has a masters, so likely not on her own for very long. She lives 15 min from her family and still can’t manage it. It sounds like she’s helpless or one of those people who can’t be alone.

OP said she's been on her own for a while. At 25, that's 4 years out of college. A master's degree can take one or two years and often done while working. She sounds fully launched.