Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t see the issue with that.

Sounds like she’s responsible.

+1
(But then I am a non-White naturalized citizen)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems fine, honestly. Some people don't like living alone and roommates can be got it miss.

I would have her pay some amount if rent and deposit it in a HYSA that she will get as a gift towards a down payment or wedding when she moves out.

I would also discuss household contributions before hand, like cooking, cleaning, keeping rooms tidy, etc. A HS or college kid I'd feel comfortable saying "put your laundry away and you have to help with dinner." A 25/26 year old I would not want to *have* to tell her these things and would be resentful if she fell into teenage behavior of slacking in those areas, so I'd want to feel comfortable that she understands the difference between being a kid in our house and being a contributing adult.

+1 I would ask for financial contributions even if I didn’t need it.

You sound greedy and hateful. Do you think your kids would like you? No wonder, more than 1/2 my adult children friends bad mouth their parents to us because their parents pull this kind of crappy moves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

Sure she WANTS to. But WHY?

WHY NOT?? Because she is attached to her family? Because her parents are not toxic? Because she misses her family? Because the logistics makes life easier? Because she can save money? Because she has company of her parents? Because she understands that once she is married and starts her own family, her time with her parents will be cut short? Because she finds that her other friends who are living at home are happier? Because she will have her family to lean on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

+1
Especially just so that she does not move in with her parents to please DCUM harpies.

[Anonymous]

Could something scary have he opened to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

+1
Especially just so that she does not move in with her parents to please DCUM harpies.

OP hinted she had mild concerns in her first post, and now seems to want to downplay those, which is fine. But then, why start the thread? It’s okay to wonder if DD is homesick and try to encourage her to work through those feelings. OP said her daughter has said she is not moving home to save money or for reasons other than loneliness. It just seems a little surprising, given her DD’s current independence, that she would feel a strong wish to be home again when her family is only fifteen minutes away...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD lived with roommates from ages 22-24 to avoid living alone, she thought she was ready for more at around 24.5, but she ended up feeling more isolated than she expected. She isn’t avoiding any adult responsibilities, and moving back home won’t impact her relationship. She knows not to move in with a boyfriend until engagement or full on marriage, and her boyfriend knows that’s her plan. She’s always really honest with us, nothing bad is happening—she just wants to be closer to family for a while before she fully transitions into her own family life when the time comes. -OP

Roommates can be stressful to live with. A friend's DD was tired of dealing with roommate issues and moved in with a guy she knew less than a year. He's different from previous boyfriends, more jealous and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

Yeah nothing like running around at 35 trying to find a man with no previous family or no quirks, and to have kids before expensive interventions are needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

Yeah nothing like running around at 35 trying to find a man with no previous family or no quirks, and to have kids before expensive interventions are needed

I would say 26 is too young for marriage, let alone kids. She has 10+ years to start a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

Yeah nothing like running around at 35 trying to find a man with no previous family or no quirks, and to have kids before expensive interventions are needed

A lot of assumptions you just made there, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

She and her BF should move in together and get engaged.

Life is long. No need to rush into marriage.

Yeah nothing like running around at 35 trying to find a man with no previous family or no quirks, and to have kids before expensive interventions are needed

24 is not 35. You sound desperate. You don't run around to settle, have a little self respect.

[Anonymous]

Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do YOU feel about it? That is the question. You raised her, and it sounds like you raised her well. You have earned this time to be an empty nester. There is no shame in enjoying an offspring-free home. But if you genuinely prefer to have her at home, no shame in that either. It sounds like she doesn’t need to be at home, and you have no obligation to let her. So decide what would make you happiest, and go from there.

OP said she has two other kids in high school and another in college. It is not an empty nest.

And her nest ain’t ever gonna be empty if she lets the oldest move back home because the younger ones will follow suit