Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

DD is 25 (26 in Feb), has a good full-time job, is financially independent, and has finished her masters. She has a great social life, and a nice long term boyfriend. She’s been living on her own for a while, but now she says she prefers living at home and wants to move back in with us.
It took me by surprise at first because I thought she’d be really set on having her own space by now. But she says she feels more comfortable here and wants to live with us. We love having her around, but we do want her to be independent.

Has anyone else had an adult kid decide to move back in at this age after living alone, How did it go, and how did you navigate that situation? What should we should consider before making this decision?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

[Anonymous]

Does she have a specific goal, like saving some money to buy a place of her own? What is the status of the relationship with the boyfriend? Seems a bit odd to be moving home instead of moving forward in her relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

Having a stable job doesn't mean you have six figures in saving available for a downpayment. Have you asked WHY she wants to live at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

So many questions:
Does she know that she would have to pay rent? Utilities? Buy her own food?
Is the boyfriend sleeping over?
Is there a time limit? Like she wants to do this for a year? Or is it totally open-ended?
Do you have other children at home?
What does your spouse think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

Sure she WANTS to. But WHY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

So many questions:
Does she know that she would have to pay rent? Utilities? Buy her own food?
Is the boyfriend sleeping over?
Is there a time limit? Like she wants to do this for a year? Or is it totally open-ended?
Do you have other children at home?
What does your spouse think?

We don’t really need her to contribute financially except for her phone/car payment.

Boyfriend won’t be sleeping over.

She hasn’t mentioned any time limit, but I’m thinking till engagement.

We have one kid in college and two in high school.

DH has no issue with her moving back home.

The reason she wants to move back in is because she just prefers living here, & misses it. -OP

[Anonymous]

It is more common for kids to move home to save money or hard to afford housing. But you are implying that is not the issue. Is she lonely? Would suggest you invite her over and ask her what is going on? How will moving home be helpful? Apartments too noisy? Is she lonely? Is home close to her job? You want her to 'launch' and be independent, so if she is lonely does she need to develop interests/ hobbies she can share with others- running clubs, painting classes, etc. You will want to have her set a goal, based on the reason for moving home and a timeline for moving out so she does not have a life that is enriching. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her about long term plans? I've had friends move back in with their parents when getting engaged (sometimes with SO), to save money for downpayment or wedding, and then buying a house. Does she have some concerns about losing her job? Is she applying for new jobs and doesn't want to lock herself into a lease? Doesn't feel ready to move in with SO, or perhaps SO is thinking of moving/changing jobs?

It has nothing to do with finances. She has a very stable job. She just wants to live at home.

So many questions:
Does she know that she would have to pay rent? Utilities? Buy her own food?
Is the boyfriend sleeping over?
Is there a time limit? Like she wants to do this for a year? Or is it totally open-ended?
Do you have other children at home?
What does your spouse think?

We don’t really need her to contribute financially except for her phone/car payment.

Boyfriend won’t be sleeping over.

She hasn’t mentioned any time limit, but I’m thinking till engagement.

We have one kid in college and two in high school.

DH has no issue with her moving back home.

The reason she wants to move back in is because she just prefers living here, & misses it. -OP

Some people prefer living with family than with roommates or alone. She may want to live in the family home until she gets married and starts a family.

[Anonymous]

Seems fine, honestly. Some people don't like living alone and roommates can be got it miss.

I would have her pay some amount if rent and deposit it in a HYSA that she will get as a gift towards a down payment or wedding when she moves out.

I would also discuss household contributions before hand, like cooking, cleaning, keeping rooms tidy, etc. A HS or college kid I'd feel comfortable saying "put your laundry away and you have to help with dinner." A 25/26 year old I would not want to *have* to tell her these things and would be resentful if she fell into teenage behavior of slacking in those areas, so I'd want to feel comfortable that she understands the difference between being a kid in our house and being a contributing adult.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is lonely and misses people around. Has she ever had a roommate? That’s what most people do in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems fine, honestly. Some people don't like living alone and roommates can be got it miss.

I would have her pay some amount if rent and deposit it in a HYSA that she will get as a gift towards a down payment or wedding when she moves out.

I would also discuss household contributions before hand, like cooking, cleaning, keeping rooms tidy, etc. A HS or college kid I'd feel comfortable saying "put your laundry away and you have to help with dinner." A 25/26 year old I would not want to *have* to tell her these things and would be resentful if she fell into teenage behavior of slacking in those areas, so I'd want to feel comfortable that she understands the difference between being a kid in our house and being a contributing adult.

+1. Since she is working FT without debt, I would ask for an amount to cover the extra cost of food, utilities and household supplies but not give it to her later. It is much less than rent so she should not balk at paying it.

[Anonymous]

She has lived with roommates before, doesn’t want to know. She mainly just doesn’t like being/living alone + misses her family, even though we’re only 15 minutes away. She’s extremely responsible & very respectful so I’m not worried about her not helping out around the house. She’s been dating her boyfriend for almost two years now, so an engagement is likely on the horizon so this won’t be a long term thing. -OP

[Anonymous]

While you don’t need the money, I would still charge her at least $500/month. Put the money aside and apply it towards the upcoming wedding that you anticipate in a few months/year.