Daughter wants to move back home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While you don’t need the money, I would still charge her at least $500/month. Put the money aside and apply it towards the upcoming wedding that you anticipate in a few months/year.

This charging and then returning it later is infantilizing. Either ask for a contribution or skip it.

[Anonymous]

I did this and became engaged to DH a year later. It allowed me to become closer to my parents and siblings as a young adult. My parents didn't charge me and I paid all my personal expenses.

[Anonymous]

I've told my kids they are always welcome to move back home. I wouldn't have a problem with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has lived with roommates before, doesn’t want to know. She mainly just doesn’t like being/living alone + misses her family, even though we’re only 15 minutes away. She’s extremely responsible & very respectful so I’m not worried about her not helping out around the house. She’s been dating her boyfriend for almost two years now, so an engagement is likely on the horizon so this won’t be a long term thing. -OP

Sounds like a great situation to me. Living with family until marriage is much more common in other countries. Unless you just prefer to have her stay launched so you can have more space at home, or whatever, I would welcome her back. If it were one of my kids I would have specific talks about chores and financial contributions, but if you have no concerns in that area, it's not necessary.

[Anonymous]

You’ve decided the boyfriend won’t be sleeping over?

And what happens when your adult daughter decides to sleep over there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve decided the boyfriend won’t be sleeping over?

And what happens when your adult daughter decides to sleep over there?

DP. What's the problem with the latter?

[Anonymous]

Nope. She doesn't want to "adult" but she has to. Don't let her.

[Anonymous]

My oldest moved out when he was around 24. He moved back in after a year. He’s a wonderful person and helps around the house and with other things (like he does our oil changes and car maintenance and drives and runs errands). He does have a girlfriend who stays here sometimes. That took some getting used to but it’s fine. Like my son, she’s a very nice person and a hard worker.

My family is all close and we really enjoy being together. They’ll go when they’re ready but we’re fine with them living with us until then.

[Anonymous]

It's good to learn to be on your own. Makes you less emotionally dependent on your spouse. Gives you more agency. This move home is not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you don’t need the money, I would still charge her at least $500/month. Put the money aside and apply it towards the upcoming wedding that you anticipate in a few months/year.

This charging and then returning it later is infantilizing. Either ask for a contribution or skip it.

Check your reading comprehension skills. No one said anything about returning it to the kid.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think she should move back home unless it’s for a specific reason or she’s having financial trouble. Also don’t think a child should be charged rent by parents. Sounds like she’s doing fine; why change anything?

[Anonymous]

I moved back home a couple of times in my 20s for different reasons. My parents didn’t charge me rent but I did have to contribute to the household. I know I cooked dinner a couple of nights a week and I’m sure I had other responsibilities. I didn’t have a curfew but if I was out with friends and coming home I did have to be home by some set time. Midnight maybe? I don’t remember. They said it was so I didn’t wake them up in the middle of the night. They also asked me to let them know if I wasn’t coming home. But truthful I don’t remember ever spending the night away.

I did get very close with my parents in that time and I was and continue to be appreciative that they let me come back and didn’t judge me for it. In fact they welcomed me.

[Anonymous]

You need to charge her rent so she behaves as a responsible roommate rather than your child.

[Anonymous]

I would aka her to explain why OP. Does she want to save money in case she gets married and wants to buy a house? Does she expect her boyfriend to sleep over? Is her boyfriend trying to get her to move win with him and this is her answer to that issue?

Sounds like she has reasons she hasn't shared with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Do not charge her.